Message for Aurora

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Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/16/2009 4:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,
 
You have been in my thoughts, and I hope things are going a bit better for you.  We are all here for you, and we really care about you.  I hope your meeting went well.  Sending hugs your way.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/17/2009 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Raniah, Well, I didn't make it to the meeting.  I was just really tired and didn't have the  energy to go.  I know I should have tried harder but I didn't have it in me this time. I am hoping I can make it next month.  I haven't been on HW much lately as my asthma has been bad and I haven't felt well. My a/d med seems to be helping a little as I am not feeling so down as before.  Thanks for posting me and for caring.

Hugs,

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 7/17/2009 2:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

Don't feel bad that you didn't make the meeting. Like you said, you can go next time if you feel like it. So try not to feel guilty about it. No 'should haves'.

I am sorry that your asthma is acting up. But it sounds like you are getting that under control. Which is wonderful. And I am glad that your anti depressants are helping you.

If you don't feel up to posting, that is okay, just remember that we are here for you. And would love to hear from you at any time. Take care my friend

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/17/2009 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks for your reply, Karen.  I was feeling better this week but my asthma kicking up is not helping me.  I am starting to feel down again, just this afternoon. I think it is because it is the weekend and I have nothing to do as usual.  It's hard for me when I am  cooped up in my house all day and night.  When my asthma is bad I have to stay home and keep calm and  not be active.  That gets me down because I get so tired of these walls.  I think about others who are out and having fun and I wish I had more friends so I could go out and be busy. I had a bad experience yesterday that has really thrown me off.  I took my dog to the groomer and he was not quite ready so I decided to drive past my childhood home.  At first I thought it was gone because I didn't see it as I was coming down the street and then I stopped in front and there was the address right in front. The house had been completely remodeled. My father built it and I lived there for 20 yrs.  It was a beautiful red brick with ivy and now it is painted white which looks awful on the brick and the windows were all redone with black trim.  I parked  and went closer to look at it and just cried.  It feels as if someone has just wiped out my childhood, even a whole part of my life feels like it doesn't exist anymore.  I know it has been 40 yrs since I lived there and it is true that everyone is either tearing down or remodeling houses.  It was just so sad for me. I know I have to get out tomorrow even for an hour because I will lose my mind if I am in the house all weekend. I start to do better and I just seem to regress. And I can't cry or get too upset because that makes my asthma worse.  Anyway, that is an update on how I am doing.  I hope the next time I will have better news.

Aurora


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/17/2009 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

My heart really goes out to you during this time. It’s so hard when you are stuck inside due to physical symptoms and unable to get out and do things to keep yourself distracted or occupied. I’m going through the same thing, and I find it really can ramp up the depression. I am busying myself with reading and watching the odd movie and trying to think positively, but those sad thoughts sure do keep creeping in. I think it’s a good idea for you to get out a little bit tomorrow if you can….I have plans to do the same, even if it’s just for an hour or two.

Your story about the house really resonated with me. I’m so sorry you had that experience. I feel the same way when I go to our family farm, where my father still lives. My mother designed the house that he lives in, many years ago, and she filled it with lots of love and her own personal touches over the years. When she passed away and my father remarried, his new wife totally changed the house. It’s not even recognizable, and many of my mother’s possessions were disposed of by the new wife. It still makes me so sad to go there even now, because there is nothing left of my mother’s imprint on that place. I used to dream about maybe someday living there in my retirement years, because the land has been in my family for over 200 years, but now I have no desire to be there, because it is nothing like what I remember, and the love is gone from that place. It’s really hard to accept what is, and to let go of the past, and I am with you in that struggle. I continue to pray and ask God to show me how to surrender my hold on the past and my feelings of loss, and I have faith that one day it will get a little easier. I hope and pray that it will for you, too.

Please be gentle with yourself, and try to find something pleasant to do outside of the house tomorrow. You are a strong and wonderful woman, and I know you will get through this. You are in my prayers. (((hugs)))
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/17/2009 4:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you Raniah. I am sorry you aren't yourself either. It is stressful.  I am so sorry to hear about your family home too.  For me it was such a shock. But I have many pictures and albums of the way the house was so I do have my memories at least.  It is hard to let go of the past but I think the only way to get beyond it is to keep looking forward. I just wish I had something exciting to look forward to.  But who knows, I am trying to stay positive with the hopes of something good happening.  At least I know Xmas will be the same for us now that the former fiance is no longer in the picture. I am going to start a round of prednisone tomorrow and that will help clear up my asthma.  So if I leave any strange replies or posts its because I will be climbing the walls!  Take care and hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 7/17/2009 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
It seems to be so hard to accept when things are not the way we remember them to be. Or when somebody changes them. Aurora I am glad that you have pictures to remember your childhood home. And Raniah, I am sure that your memories are strong enough that they are still clear to you. I hope so anyway.

I guess I am lucky, I have the home that I grew up in. And even though it has changed some, I can still remember what it use to be like. As I have done some of the changes. But my craft shop use to be a restaurant. I have all my art stuff in it and my husband uses what was the kitchen for a tool shop. So we get good use out of it. But I can remember where the tables were and the counter and stools. So I feel really fortunate to have been able to purchase it. Many memories.

Aurora, I hope that your asthma settles down and that you have a wonderful evening. Keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


megie
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 69
   Posted 7/17/2009 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
:-)    email me aurora , i am up for a chat tomorrow . i will show you pics of the house i grew up in . too dog gone hot to be outside . so lets get together tomorrow for a chat !!! your friend , megie
     You can only change what you can control , you can't change what you can't control .


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/18/2009 6:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,

I hope you have a wonderful day, too, and I hope the prednisone will clear up your asthma. Take good care. I appreciate your kindness.


Karen,

You are right. The memories cannot be changed by anyone...they will be there. Thank you. I hope you have a good day, too.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/18/2009 10:45 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Raniah, Well I have started on the prednisone and I can tell I am breathing a little freer today. I can tell I am starting to feel edgy already so four or five days of this is going to be hard as the effects get worse. Inspite of this I don't think I have the energy to go out today even though my son would drive. I don't think I can manage to even get dressed. It is going to be a difficult weekend being in as I was in all day yesterday and couldn't stand it.  Maybe I can just throw on some clothes and a hat and go with him in the car. At least it would be a change of scenery. I have some books to read but I am having difficulty concentrating.  Wish I could get absorbed in my book, at least it would let the time pass. Thanks for always listening to me.

Hugs,

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 7/18/2009 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,

I hope that you get to go out for that drive. That would be a wonderful change of scenery for you. Let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/18/2009 3:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi HW friends, Well I managed to take a bath and threw on some clothes and my silly hat and my son and I did go out.  We had a few errands to do and just driving around has helped me.  I don't feel so closed in or desperate.  I picked up a few things I needed at the pharmacy, just some toiletries but even getting a few things made me feel better.  Also, my prednisone seems to be kicking in although I am really shaky from it.  I have had to retype so many of these words. It's nice to be able to breathe better again.  Just wanted to give an update that I am doing OK at this point. Have some shows on TV that I want to watch tonight.  Will probably be up half the night as it is so hard to sleep with this med but i'll take breathing over sleeping any day!

Aurora 


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/19/2009 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

I’m so glad you are able to breathe better….I would take breathing over sleeping any day, too! It’s great that you went out with your son to run a few errands. Isn’t it amazing how even a short trip to do the essentials can lift your spirits a little? I find the same thing. You do sound better, and I am so glad. I managed to get out of the house for a couple of hours yesterday, too, and it was good for me as well. Your post really made me smile – it’s good to know that you have experienced an improvement. I hope today has been positive, too. ((((hugs))))
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 

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