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hw_chelsi
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 7/16/2009 10:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I need some advice.  I am pretty stressed out, with work and family.  Several weeks ago my dad had surgery for a hernia.  He came home the next day.  He ended up in the ER 4 times in less than 2 weeks after coming home.  The first 3 were related to his surgery.  The last time he had a minor heart attack.  He is back home now.  He is getting forgetful.  Since I manage an apartment complex, I am suppose to be living out there.  I do.  However since the first part of June I have been staying at his house.  It is about a half hour drive each way to work each day.  That is not too bad, and my sister has been in town to help out.  She will be going back home this weekend.  I worry about when I am at work that he will call me and I will have to leave.   I have been having stress with my job for a while.  I love my job.  Both my t and my pdoc say that when I leave work, I need to forget about work.  Easier said than done.  I love my bosses and they consider me family but I feel like I am disapointment to them.  I go over to their house often.  When ever I do or talk to them on the phone all they want to do is talk shop.  It is ok some of the times, but sometimes I would like to talk about other things.  She and I sometimes have a different outlook on life, and different ideas, and thoughts.  Sometimes she gets upset with me or disagree's with me.  For example, I mentioned I got an e-mail from someone on facebook that I did not recognize but opened it to see who it was before confirming I knew her.  It turned out it was a high school classmate of mine.  My boss told me I should not open those type of things.  Not sure why.  Another example was today, she called me just as I was ready to leave for a dr. appt.  I was in a hurry  and was talking fast.  I lost my train of thought and she seemed upset and I said I was fine and she insisted I was not fine and that I should not be driving.  That h as happened one time before.  I know what condition I am in.  I appreciate her concern but it bothers me when she (or others) tells me how I am or how I feel when they have no idea.  I do not know how to handle it.  I tend to get upset and sometimes end up in tears.  I grew up being told that if anything happened between me and anyone else was my fault.  I am me.  I have ADHD and get flustered easily.  I do my best but never feel like I am good enough because everyone else knows how I am doing or feeling and I don't.   That just makes things worse.  I live in constant fear that I will lose my job (despite I have been told that will not happen), live in fear of doing something wrong.  I don't know how to handle this at times.  I am not really sure I am making much sense.
 
Chelsi

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40587
   Posted 7/17/2009 9:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelsie,

It does sound like you are taking your job home with you. And you don't need to do that. It is hard, I know, but you need to have a life other than work.

Are you seeing anybody for counseling? I think that you said that you were, listen to that person and take to heart what they are saying. It is important to seperate work from free time. Are you on any medications for depression? I take a medication called abilify and it stops obsessive thinking. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about something like that. It could really save you.

You are a wonderful person. Never doubt that. And try not to think that everything is your fault, because it isn't. Things just happen in life that aren't so good and leave us feeling doubt. Try to put that out of your mind.

By the way, how is the maintainance man doing? Is he still giving you problems? I know that he has put a lot of doubt in your mind and you don't deserve that. Try to remember you are a good person and you haven't done anything wrong.

Enjoy your life, whether at work or at home. You deserve to be happy. You are a special individual, always remember that.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/17/2009 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelsi,

It’s natural that you would be stressed out about your dad, after all the ER visits following his surgery and the minor heart attack as well. Health issues can be really scary, especially when it concerns someone we love. Is there anyone else who can help to care for him when your sister goes back home? That is a lot to handle, when you are working and need to manage the apartment complex on top of it. I have cared for several family members over the years, and it does become stressful and exhausting. I hope you have other support to rely on.

As far as work goes, it can be really tough when you have a close relationship with your boss. It sounds like the boundaries have been crossed between work and personal, and your boss is butting into your life a little too much, in an inappropriate way. It’s hard to go back once the line has been crossed, but honestly, if your boss is upsetting you this much, and getting too personal with telling you how you are feeling and whether or not you should be driving, you may have to politely suggest that you don’t feel comfortable with those comments. Perhaps with the stress of looking after your dad and trying to juggle everything, you should take a step back from socializing with your boss so much. That is just my opinion, and I say this out of concern for you. You have a lot on your plate.

You mentioned seeing your pdoc….is that just for meds, or do you get counseling as well? If not, I think it might help to have that additional support. Please keep posting with us and let us know how it’s going. Take care of yourself, and best wishes for your dad’s condition. (((hugs)))
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


hw_chelsi
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 7/17/2009 9:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks guys! I see both a therapist and a pdoc. The pdoc is mainly for meds. The maintenance guy and I are getting along pretty good right now. I realize my boss means well and I do appreciate her concern. Maybe is is because she never had kids, and she looks at me as a surrogate daughter. She and her husband have done alot for me, and gave me a chance when it seemed noone else would. But today I was talking to her on the phone and she asked about my dad. She said he needed to go to this certain cardiologist. I told her he has to see someone who is in his plan. She says he needs to drop that insurance and pick up this other insurance. My dad has no interest in going to someone else. Again I realize she means well, but he is happy with his drs. I sometimes have problems when other people try to tell you what is best for you or what you should do or how to do something. I have a friend who, in 2004 was at my house and out of the blue, said she was going to get me to vote for Kerry for President. I simply replied that I did not think so. She got really upset and was in tears. I do not care who you want to vote for, that is your business just as who I choose to vote for is my business. Same with drs. You may like some dr. and feel they are the best, and that is fine, but I want others to respect my choices. I want to feel that I am important and that what I want to do, or who I want to see is ok. I do not need to be told my choices are not as good. I do not need any extra help to feel like a failure.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/18/2009 7:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelsi,

I think you have a good perspective on this. It sounds like your boss is interfering out of concern, so at least you know where it is coming from. I hope you will be able to find a way to gently let her know that you are okay, and need to handle some things on your own. I had that situation once with an older person in my life, and the way I remedied the problem was to explain that I was trying to build my confidence and learn how to handle problems by myself, and that they would be doing me a favour by letting me spread my wings a little and try things on my own. Maybe you could try that approach. If she thinks she is helping you by backing off a little, it might do the trick.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 

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