Korissa, I truly understand where you are coming from. I too feel the same way you do. The lonliness is so hard to overcome. I do have one son who lives with me but he can be a real handful and sometimes I just have to keep my distance from him so it is almost like having no one. And he is 35!. My other son has his own place and suffered the breakup up of his engagement and cancelled wedding so he has enough to deal with and I can't go to him with any of my problems. Last week I went with my older son to the place where my sister is laid to rest. It was the anniversary of her birthday - she would have been 70. It has been 18 years but seems like yesterday. And then all the rest of my family is there too. I am grateful though that I do have my 2 sons. I know what you mean about friends. You can't really tell them you are depressed because if they have never experienced it they don't understand and then they don't want to be around you so it's always trying to put on a happy face with friends. And I also agree with you about seeing the therapist. I see mine on Mon. It always goes well with her and I feel better after our session but then the week goes on and I am back to feeling bad. My Pdoc upped my a/d med and I think it may be starting to help as I am not so down and out anymore. Are you on any meds? Also, have you thought about a part time job to help fill your time? I have been looking for one but had no success yet. I also volunteer but that too is not enough. I need to be around people as I am sure you feel that way too. I am hoping I might find a class come the fall. As far as grieving for those you have lost even if it has been a long time there is no set time for feeling the loss. You need to take as much time as you need. Please know I care about you and I think we have a lot in common. I am glad to answer you anytime you need a friend. You will be in my prayers.
Korissa, It was good to read your reply. Sometimes our hopes become dreams that are not realized. I am sorry you don't have more of a relationship with your special friend. If only we could better control our lives at times I don't think any of us would be depressed. But life is what it is and that is what we have to accept. I too at my age would not care for the whole dating scene. Any men who would be interested in me would be old enough to be my father. I have one male friend who I used to have a relationship with and I would be interested in seeing him but he doesn't appear to be interested in me anymore. And it was about 15 yrs ago. I would just like to have a companion, someone to go to dinner with or a movie. I have girlfriends for that. I don't think we would have downer conversations. In spite of everything I always remain with a positive outlook on life. You never know what will happen except life is what happens when we are making plans so I just take each day as it comes. I am looking for a part time office type job. I was a manager in a company for 18 yrs and have a lot of good skills. The problem is no one is hiring. I look in the paper and onlne and am remaining hopeful. I'm only looking for about 12 hrs a week. I too would love to just sell my house and move away. I would go to Maine. It is so beautiful and serene looking over the ocean and the towns are still small and quaint. Only thing is I just couldn't leave my sons and even if I did go I would see them only a few times a year as it is not easy to travel from where I would settle back to the Midwest. So I guess for now it is a nice dream. It is still a great place to vacation. I would go to Pacific Grove, CA if I could afford it but even the tiniest cottage on the ocean is over a million. So, here we are with our dreams, but that is good as it sustains us. I do have wonderful memories here so for now I will settle for peace and contentment in life. Wishing you the best and do take good care of yourself. I am glad to talk with you anytime.
Korissa I have added you to my prayer list. I pray you get relief from your grief and pain. As you are retired do you have a hobby to take up some time? could you volunteer somewhere? i know that when im at my lowest that i find relief in helping others. but at the same time, you need to be looked after,
prayers and (((((hugs))))))))
Korissa, I am so glad you met friends and were able to enjoy a concert. Getting out is important as I feel it lifts ones spirit. I truly understand how it is to come home though. I always have a list of people I depend on to call when I get too lonely. That seems to help. And if you can find something interesting on TV that helps. A good book may help if you can concentrate. I am doing better today with my asthma. My son took me out to do some errands yesterday so that helped to be in the car and get a few things I needed. I wish I knew the answer to the lonliness problem. I have several friends who live alone but they have very large families and always have something going on so they are glad to get back to their homes by themselves. I used to have a big family growing up but they are all gone. If you are looking for something interesting on TV the Discovery channel and the History channel always have good programs. Maybe when we take our classes in the fall we will meet more people. And as always you are in my prayers. I hope you have a good week.