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Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/18/2009 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Just asking for prayers.
 
Have been thinking about how when one is so physically ill, one gets sent to the hospital. When a person is painfully  depressed, there is no 24/7 care available.
 
Just want to tell those who are depressed, but have a husband, children, grandchildren that they have so much to be thankful for. I know sometimes those very people can be the cause of depression, but just to have someone to care about is something.
 
Part of my problem is a chronic illness, but think it's my depression that's making that worse.
 
I've commented to my sister that I cannot understand that some people we know who have people in the home who care about them have depression. She said well why not? I want to say--then how much worse for someone who has no one there to be concerned about them or to be concerned about 
 
I miss people so much since retiring. My job had me helping and talking to people all day. I do volunteer, but it's just not enough time away. I have friends who know I'm depressed, but I don't dump on them all of my feelings. And I have a counselor but that doesn't really help except for while I'm there.
 
My real problem is a broken heart.  Maybe grief  is different from depression. I've lost family. grieved and recovered, but can't get over this and it's been years.
 
 
 

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/18/2009 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   

Korissa,  I truly understand where you are coming from.  I too feel the same way you do. The lonliness is so hard to overcome.  I do have one son who lives with me but he can be a real handful and sometimes I just have to keep my distance from him so it is almost like having no one.  And he is 35!. My other son has his own place and suffered the breakup up of his engagement and cancelled wedding so he has enough to deal with and I can't go to him with any of my problems.  Last week I went with my older son to the place where my sister is laid to rest.  It was the anniversary of her birthday - she would have been 70.  It has been 18 years but seems like yesterday. And then all the rest of my family is there too.  I am grateful though that I do have my 2 sons.  I know what you mean about friends.  You can't really tell them you are depressed because if they have never experienced it they don't understand and then they don't want to be around you so it's always trying to put on a happy face with friends. And I also agree with you about seeing the therapist.  I see mine on Mon. It always goes well with her and I feel better after our session but then the week goes on and I am back to feeling bad.  My Pdoc upped my a/d med and I think it may be starting to help as I am not so down and out anymore. Are you on any meds?  Also, have you thought about a part time job to help fill your time?  I have been looking for one but had no success yet.  I also volunteer but that too is not enough. I need to be around people as I am sure you feel that way too.  I am hoping I might find a class come the fall. As far as grieving for those you have lost even if it has been a long time there is no set time for feeling the loss.  You need to take as much time as you need.  Please know I care about you and I think we have a lot in common.  I am glad to answer you anytime you need a friend.  You will be in my prayers.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/18/2009 3:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora, yes I have felt we have lots in common and it would be good if we were able to sit down with each other and chat over a cup of coffee. I don't think we are the type to feel sorry for ourselves so I don't think it would be a downer kind of conversation we'd have. We really want to have a meaningful life and miss being useful.

The person I'm grieving for is from a broken relationship. We still talk on the phone occasionally, but don't see each other anymore. I think I cling too much to the times we talk which are few and far between. I was so thankful he survived a serious heart attack three years ago and hoped at that time we'd renew our relationship, but it hasn't happened. Still,I'm just thankful he's alive. Sometimes hope is more cruel than uplifting when the thing hoped for doesn't happen over time.

I'm open to a new relationship, but at this stage in my life "dating" is not attractive (nor are the men my age lol!)

I take clonazapam for anxiety but haven't liked anti-depressants. I take a very small dose, but I think I'm needing to increase but don't want to get addicted.

I plan on taking a class in the fall too. I've been thinking of a part time job, but sort of at a loss where to even look. I'm not sure right now I'd make a very good impression because I have a headache almost constantly and fatigue. What kind of job were you thinking of? Since I've done hospice for two years, I thought of home care for the elderly, but feel that is also kind of isolating and probably physically demanding.

I'm also considering "running away" and relocating somewhere else--get away from all the memories here. I wonder if it's possible at this time of my life.

Thanks for your prayers and hugs

And hugs back!

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/18/2009 5:54 PM (GMT -7)   

Korissa, It was good to read your reply.  Sometimes our hopes become dreams that are not realized.  I am sorry you don't have more of a relationship with your special friend. If only we could better control our lives at times I don't think any of us would be depressed. But life is what it is and that is what we have to accept. I too at my age would not care for the whole dating scene.  Any men who would be interested in me would be old enough to be my father. I have one male friend who I used to have a relationship with and I would be interested in seeing him but he doesn't appear to be interested in me anymore. And it was about 15 yrs ago.  I would just like to have a companion, someone to go to dinner with or a movie.  I have girlfriends for that. I don't think we would have downer conversations.  In spite of everything I always remain with a positive outlook on life.  You never know what will happen except life is what happens when we are making plans so I just take each day as it comes. I am looking for a part time office type job.  I was a manager in a company for 18 yrs and have a lot of good skills.  The problem is no one is hiring. I look in the paper and onlne and am remaining hopeful. I'm only looking for about 12 hrs a week.  I too would love to just sell my house and move away. I would go to Maine.  It is so beautiful and serene looking over the ocean and the towns are still small and quaint.  Only thing is I just couldn't leave my sons and even if I did go I would see them only a few times a year as it is not easy to travel from where I would settle back to the Midwest. So I guess for now it is a nice dream.  It is still a great place to vacation.  I would go to Pacific Grove, CA if I could afford it but even the tiniest cottage on the ocean is over a million. So, here we are with our dreams, but that is good as it sustains us. I do have wonderful memories here so for now I will settle for peace and contentment in life. Wishing you the best and do take good care of yourself.  I am glad to talk with you anytime.

Many hugs,

Aurora


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 7/18/2009 11:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Korissa I have added you to my prayer list. I pray you get relief from your grief and pain. As you are retired do you have a hobby to take up some time? could you volunteer somewhere? i know that when im at my lowest that i find relief in helping others. but at the same time, you need to be looked after,

prayers and (((((hugs))))))))

Maz XX


                        Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
 
 
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, IBS, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, GERD,
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Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium.  Codeine Phosphate. Phenergan. Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:29. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 7/19/2009 2:17 AM (GMT -7)   
i understand the pain of loss. grief is hard, it has many components, it is different for each person. i too will be prayerfully asking for healings...........with compassion. jamie

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/19/2009 2:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Korissa,

I’m sorry for your grief and sadness. A broken relationship is really difficult, especially when the other person no longer wants the same closeness or even the same depth of friendship. I agree with you….hope can be cruel, when the passing of time fails to change the circumstances. I am in a similar situation, and try to accept ‘what is’, but some days it is difficult. I hope for both of us that someday it will be easier.

I’m glad you’re planning on taking a class in the fall. I have found that to be helpful, and I enjoyed meeting new people and focusing on something new and interesting. I hope it gives you a lot of satisfaction.

You and Aurora really do have quite a bit in common, and I think it’s lovely that you could meet here and become friends. That is one of the best parts of the internet, in my opinion. I hope you’ll continue to post and let us all know how you’re doing. Best wishes to you.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/19/2009 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone! I've made it through this weekend. Went to the park today because it was a beautiful day and ran into a friend and her husband. They were there for a concert I didn't know about so we sat together.

I managed to spend most of the afternoon there. Coming home is the hard part.

This site has been a source of comfort for me. It helps so much to know others are in a similar situation and haven't given up hope.

Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/19/2009 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I forgot to say--prayers do make a difference! Thank you for yours!

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/19/2009 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Korissa, I am so glad you met friends and were able to enjoy a concert.  Getting out is important as I feel it lifts ones spirit.  I truly understand how it is to come home though.  I always have a list of people I depend on to call when I get too lonely.  That seems to help.  And if you can find something interesting on TV that helps.  A good book may help if you can concentrate.  I am doing better today with my asthma.  My son took me out to do some errands yesterday so that helped to be in the car and get a few things I needed.  I wish I knew the answer to the lonliness problem.  I have several friends who live alone but they have very large families and always have something going on so they are glad to get back to their homes by themselves.  I used to have a big family growing up but they are all gone.  If you are looking for something interesting on TV the Discovery channel and the History channel always have good programs.  Maybe when we take our classes in the fall we will meet more people.  And as always you are in my prayers.  I hope you have a good week.

Many hugs,

Aurora

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