Karen emailed me to let me know that you posted. I haven’t been on the forum for about a week now, so I’m not up on all that’s new here. I have two part-time jobs (one from home, one at a local business), and occasionally they overlap and I have a crazy amount of work to do in a short amount of time. That has been the case for the past week or so. However, things are getting back to normal, and so is my health. You were right about the six weeks or more……I still have some congestion and fatigue, but I notice a steady improvement, and I’m grateful for that.
That’s cool about the DJing…..a nice diversion, I would imagine. I’ll bet your road trips to TO and Marineland were busy for you. Did your kids enjoy those trips?
That’s interesting that your clinician thinks GAD is the root of many of your issues. Do you agree with that? I hope the appointments are going well for you, and I hope the thick book will be helpful in your anxiety management efforts.
I am at a bit of a frustrating point in my therapy right now. My therapist seems to think I have made a lot of progress over the past couple of years, but I guess I feel like I’m not making any lately, and I feel frustrated…..like I’m treading water. Maybe it’s those ‘expectations’ again…..maybe my idea of happiness or my expectations for myself are out of whack. I don’t know. I still find it easier, emotionally speaking, to take things one day at a time, but some days that way of “living in the moment” has me feeling a little disconnected from the big picture, if that makes any sense.
I understand the desire to live alone, in that sort of location that you describe. That’s the way that I live, and it’s by choice, so I get that. I am glad that you have your children with you, though……I think it’s important to have that kind of love in your life.
That’s interesting, what you’ve said about your jihad al-Akbar. I wonder sometimes if it’s our natural state to have struggles within ourselves, and a war against the darker side of our humanness, if you can call it that. Is it a matter of some of us having the scales tipped too far in one direction, or being born with a larger-than-average portion of ‘darkness’, or is it a matter of greater awareness of the dark side, and an inability to look away from it? I think about these things sometimes. My moments of peace come from spiritual experiences, which I really can’t share in depth here because of the forum rules……but it seems to take consistent practice for me to achieve those peaceful moments with any sort of regularity. I guess peace means work, and struggle (or jihad?), and so that is how we continue.
Stay well, and stay strong in your acceptance. I hope you write again soon. By the way, I am reading a book right now that reminds me of you…..at least, the writing style is similar, I think, as are some of the thoughts and ideas within. It’s called Finding Lily, by Richard Clewes (Canadian author and former teacher). If you don’t mind stories about world travel, death and depression, it’s a good one. It even features a quote by Epictetus. Just thought you’d like to know.