"More Hope" for Mythoughts...

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getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 7/23/2009 8:49 AM (GMT -7)   
I understand that they want to lock the last thread due to the length, so Mythoughts, I am starting you a new one.  I titled it more hope because I want to see you progress with everything.
 
I hope that you are having a good day today.  It is gloomy here, we have been getting rain.  And are suppose to get it for a few days.  Not good for the mood, but good for the wild berries that we like to pick.  I am looking forward to the blackberries.  We have been picking blueberries.  The blackberries are much easier because of the height of the vines.  But I always look like I have been in a catfight when I get done picking.  My arms are all scratched up.
 
Anyway, I hope that things are going well for you.  Take care my friend.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/23/2009 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mythoughts,

I hope you saw my last post to you on your other thread, asking you to start a new one before it got locked down. I guess I got that message posted just in the nick of time.

I like Karen's title to the new thread she started for you. I hope you do, too.

Looking forward to hearing from you....hope all is well.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


mythoughts
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 143
   Posted 8/3/2009 10:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello, Raniah, Karen & Akram. I hope all is well with you. Raniah, I wish you a speedy recovery, but am sure that you are still feeling the effects of your illness.

I've been keeping myself focussed in the moments, cleaning the house, djing at a Jack & Jill (first time), taking my family to TO and Marineland. I've seen my clinician again, and she is still convinced that GAD is the root of many of my issues. I bought a thick book to help me out, one that she recommended. And she challenged me to manage my anxiety, not just identify it.

No GP mtgs set yet. I'll call soon to inquire.

My lack of posts here reflect my mood over the past weeks. As I cope more, as I accept things, I tend to become more independent and aloof. I'd rather be alone. I don't ignore people, am warm to my kids and wife, and will socialize to keep everyone happy, but prefer being on my own. In fact, having a house on my own, in the country or by water, is always in the back of my mind. Not realistic or practical, but a good place 'to go' in my head.

I accept where I am, but still struggle with whom I am. The jihad al-Akbar, as the Muslims believe. It is as if there is a strong emotional side that hates me, and I must not just manage it, I must be at war with it. I've cut down the self harm as a result (pun intended, but for which I may be edited). Will I ever find peace? I dunno. Whenever there is hatred, peace is difficult. So I'll carry on with my jihad.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 8/3/2009 12:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mythoughts,

I am so happy that you posted. I will email Raniah and let her know. She is working today, but she will be so happy to hear from you.

I sense some improvement. I am so happy for you. I am elated that you are feeling better and getting control of your thoughts. (pun intended here too).

I am so glad that you are slowing down on the self harm. I think in time you will stop. But it is away of feeling things, in your mind it is a way to help you cope. But I really think in time the urges will go away and you will stop. I hope you are learning other ways to cope with this also.

I am also happy that you are having some good times with your family, especially your children. These memories will stay with them forever and I am sure with you too. That is so important. Things are truly looking up. I am glad that you got that book too. It sounds like it has been helpful.

I will talk to you later. Have some things that I got to do. If I can muster up the enthusiam to do so. lol...

Take care, my friend

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 8/4/2009 1:30 AM (GMT -7)   
understand the space thing......i have many visitors........albeit i get a lot of mental/educational/reflective work done when i am alone. glad that you are improving. with loving compassion. jamie.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 8/4/2009 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mythoughts,

 

Karen emailed me to let me know that you posted.  I haven’t been on the forum for about a week now, so I’m not up on all that’s new here.  I have two part-time jobs (one from home, one at a local business), and occasionally they overlap and I have a crazy amount of work to do in a short amount of time.  That has been the case for the past week or so.  However, things are getting back to normal, and so is my health.  You were right about the six weeks or more……I still have some congestion and fatigue, but I notice a steady improvement, and I’m grateful for that.

 

That’s cool about the DJing…..a nice diversion, I would imagine.  I’ll bet your road trips to TO and Marineland were busy for you.  Did your kids enjoy those trips?

 

That’s interesting that your clinician thinks GAD is the root of many of your issues.  Do you agree with that?  I hope the appointments are going well for you, and I hope the thick book will be helpful in your anxiety management efforts.

 

I am at a bit of a frustrating point in my therapy right now.  My therapist seems to think I have made a lot of progress over the past couple of years, but I guess I feel like I’m not making any lately, and I feel frustrated…..like I’m treading water.  Maybe it’s those ‘expectations’ again…..maybe my idea of happiness or my expectations for myself are out of whack.  I don’t know.  I still find it easier, emotionally speaking, to take things one day at a time, but some days that way of “living in the moment” has me feeling a little disconnected from the big picture, if that makes any sense. 

 

I understand the desire to live alone, in that sort of location that you describe.  That’s the way that I live, and it’s by choice, so I get that.  I am glad that you have your children with you, though……I think it’s important to have that kind of love in your life.

 

That’s interesting, what you’ve said about your jihad al-Akbar.  I wonder sometimes if it’s our natural state to have struggles within ourselves, and a war against the darker side of our humanness, if you can call it that.  Is it a matter of some of us having the scales tipped too far in one direction, or being born with a larger-than-average portion of ‘darkness’, or is it a matter of greater awareness of the dark side, and an inability to look away from it?  I think about these things sometimes.  My moments of peace come from spiritual experiences, which I really can’t share in depth here because of the forum rules……but it seems to take consistent practice for me to achieve those peaceful moments with any sort of regularity.  I guess peace means work, and struggle (or jihad?), and so that is how we continue.

 

Stay well, and stay strong in your acceptance.  I hope you write again soon.  By the way, I am reading a book right now that reminds me of you…..at least, the writing style is similar, I think, as are some of the thoughts and ideas within.  It’s called Finding Lily, by Richard Clewes (Canadian author and former teacher).  If you don’t mind stories about world travel, death and depression, it’s a good one.  It even features a quote by Epictetus.  Just thought you’d like to know. 

 


 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


mythoughts
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 143
   Posted 8/12/2009 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello, all. Your check ins are well appreciated. Yes, I'm still busy with house & family: trimmed most of my 12 spruce trees (and had the allergic reations go on for days); landscaped my front & side; met with my teaching partners (at her new house... yeah, I loved to hate it); took care of my tired and emotionally explosive daughter...

What a convergence of events: my friend/priest from my first marriage 20 years ago is marrying my nephew (hence the Jack & Jill I djed), and I'll be MCing; my best friend who was my Best Man is wanting to restart our friendship; my MSW worked with me 20 yrs ago at my first job in Mental Health; and now my sister called last week from Vancouver, and has come to Ontario with her family for a sport event, so my mom has decided to come down from up North. But I don't want them near here. I don't want a sister or mom. They'll just see each other and not bother with me or my family. I had to call my mom to find out what she is doing, and found out that she had plans to come down to see Laura's family and sports, and that she has been down to this area last year, but didn't call or come see her grandkids. She's done it before. I don't think she'd even call this time. Rejection from my own family.

I have anger issues. I was angry at myself. Now it's my family, and everyone else. Yup, there's that all or nothing thinking again. My family isn't really one, save for DNA, so my expectations can be low. But rejecting my kids makes me angry. I'll be talking to her today, and I've planned out an effective approach, to explain how I feel and what I want from my mom.

I'll post more later.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 8/12/2009 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mythoughts,

I am sorry that your mom doesn't come to see the kids. That is really sad. How do the children feel about that? Do they realize? I hope that they aren't hurt too badly. Maybe you don't mention it to them, which might be better.

Try to put a lid on the anger. Maybe let it out in a productive way, such as working in the yard or something. Most of all, don't take it out on yourself. We all have that tendancy to project it inward. That is so unhealthy for us.

I am glad that you are staying busy. Sorry about the allergic reaction. I hope that you got your spruces done and don't have to work with them anymore. I have a bit of a time with evergreens in the fall. I make Christmas wreaths for the local animal shelter to sell. I donate about 400.00 worth every year. I hope that I am able to do it this year. Am running out of areas to cut boughs. But anyway when I work with them I sometimes get resperatory problems and they bother my skin too. But I wear gloves and a mask to try to remedy that. Though it isn't full proof, it helps.

I hope that you have a great day. Thanks for posting, have been wondering about you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 8/21/2009 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Mythoughts,

It sounds like you have been really busy, which I think is probably a good thing, despite the allergic reactions to the spruce trees. I understand your feelings about your family situation, and I can relate on many levels. Anger is also an issue for me with my own relatives, although I do not have the added emotional impact of children being involved. You have my sympathies and compassion on that one. I’m glad you are dealing with this thoughtfully and directly. I wish you the very best with that.

I have not been on the forum for a few weeks now, and have decided to leave for an undetermined amount of time. I have emailed the administrator, but wanted to let you know personally, since I feel a common bond with you in our struggles that we have shared on your threads. If you ever want to reach me, my email address will be in my profile as long as it exists, and Karen is in regular contact with me as well. If not, I will certainly understand and not take it personally. Just know that I have enjoyed our communications immensely, and have learned a great deal from you. You have my very best thoughts and wishes during your healing process, and all that it entails. I wish you peace, love and hope.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 8/23/2009 3:44 AM (GMT -7)   
i too wish you well raniah. you have been a great person here at hw, hope we see you back. happy trails. jamie. you will be missed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin
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