Dear Frances, I am sorry for all the problems you are going through. This has been going on for you for some time and I know the best for you is to have peace of mind. As you said the bank doesn't own your mortgage. No one has the right to break into your home and sell your things. You have not been forclosed or had forclosing procedures started yet. Do you have a friend or neighbor who can watch your house while you work? Make sure you have good locks. While backruptcy will solve a lot of your problems I think it is wise to sit down with the lawyer and find out everything he has to say. He probably has some good ideas for you. Only if you have been evicted can the sheriff come and remove things from your home and this is not the case and the sheriff can only put your things out of the house not sell them. Anyone who breaks into your home would be committing an illegal act. No one has the right to enter your home without your permission. I would stop talking to the bank or any one else. The only agency that can take and sell your things is the IRS and that would be if you have unpaid back taxes and fines. I know how terribly hard this is on you. Just take a deep breathe and meet with that lawyer ASAP. You need to know where you stand on all these issues. And if Freddie Mac owns your mortgage you are entitled to the benefits from the government. Please don't do anything in haste without good advice. Bancruptcy will lower your credit rating and could possible prevent you from renting a place or finding another permanent job. So please proceed with caution. My heart goes out to you and I say prayers for you and hope that you will soon have the peace of mind that will help you get a new start. Please let me know how your talk with the lawyer goes. I think it is time for the lawyer to start coming down hard on the bank and threatening them with legal action if they don't stop calling you. Frances, you are a good person who has done nothing wrong. Like so many of us you have financial problems. That is nothing to feel guilty about. It has happened to so many people across the country for circumstances out of their control. So try to take this one step at a time with the help of your lawyer. I know there is an answer for you that will help solve all of this. Please try to take care of yourself.
Post Edited (Aurora60) : 7/24/2009 8:26:21 AM (GMT-6)
I am so sorry for your stress and your problems but I do believe you are making a wise decision. If it will get you out from under all the harassing calls and threats, if it can give you a new lease on life and get you started to freeing yourself from this debt then it is good.
You do not need to earn the right to have a place in this world, you were born into this world like all of us. You have just been given some overwhelming problems to deal with and sometimes it is OK to cut our losses and move on. I would do as you are if I were in your shoes as you need to maintain good health. This seems like a way to do that. Please remember that guilt serves no purpose and is a wasted emotion. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
You cannot control the economy but you can control how your are going to deal with your problems and I see you doing that right now. I am very proud of you for finding a lawyer and looking at your options.
Please know you have my friendship and prayers.
Well, I called my uncle b/c I thought he would be supportive & also explain a bit more about what bankruptcy's like. He told me it was a chance for me to learn to be a better person & that if I were more like the others in my family, I wouldn't be having these problems. He got really mad & yelled at me for being so depressed. I am just really struggling with all of this. It is so hard. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong to my family. I don't belong to a workplace. I don't belong to my neighborhood(a couple of my neighbors were out talking with the guy who came to my house from the bank & now it is the hot gossip talk of the block). I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I know people say they would miss me, but I think after a week or two of saying appropriately sad things, no one would give it a second thought. Their lives would be so much better & they would be happier, and I just wouldn't exist.
Sometimes I think about becoming one of those cloistered nuns. It's not my religion, but sometimes I feel like I have taken a vow of silence. It seems like no one wants to talk to me (except the hateful people from the bank). Maybe if I chose to live like that it wouldn't feel so awful. But I'm pretty sure they probably wouldn't want me in their community either.
For anyone who thinks that the government HAS to work with you, I used to think the same thing. But like everything else in life, there's a catch. You have to be pretty close to being able to make your monthly payments. In my case, there is too great of a difference between what little I make & my bills (esp. the mortgage & Condo Assessments). So they won't help me that way. They did say I could try for a short-sale, which supposedly won't ding my credit as much (though I've already fallen from the mid-7's to the low-4's so I'm not sure I can fall too much more -- I think mid-3's is the lowest you can go); I just don't think I have it in me to be showing my house & keeping it immaculate all the time. I am feeling so run down & the calls do not stop just b/c I have it listed. I just don't know what to do. The meds are keeping me from spiraling completely out of control, but these thoughts just play non-stop in my mind all night long. I try to change them & sometimes even can calm down enough to drift off to sleep for 20 minutes or so, but then I wake up from a nightmare where I am dreaming the same horrible thoughts I was thinking when I was awake. I am just so sleepy & tired of all this chaos. I can't even think straight.
Lest anyone think I am not appreciative of your comments, know that I am. I am having a hard time hearing them right now b/c I am so very upset, but I am sure that when I am able to get some rest I will be glad to read all the wonderful things you all have written. I am going to try to muster up the energy to visit some old college friends tomorrrow evening. I guess we'll see how that goes. I'm supposed to meet with my credit card bank tomorrow morning (they're nice, no worries) to try to talk about my situation. They have been the one saving grace in all of this, helping me to discern the many lies I have been hearing from my mortgage company and getting me connected with free housing counselors (who, as it turned out, were later referred me by Freddie Mac -- it was kinda funny b/c they called & I said I was already working with them). I'm not under the illusion that they can do very much for me, but I do want to keep working with them b/c at least they have been nice & are trying to work out a mutually agreeable solution for the debt I have with them. Ironically enough, that debt is from counselors, psychiatrists & hospitals. It turns out that depression is an expensive illness & those costs will haunt you for years. It's hard b/c I feel like I can never really escape those months due to the enormous debt. The counselors can sometimes be the worst people to work with for debts (not always, I have some who have been nice, but others who, while not as nasty as the bank, are still quite unpleasant). I get to thinking about how I got into all of this debt in the first place & why my savings account has been empty for many months & all it does is remind me of the really, really horrible stays at the hospital. I can't even go into all the details of it due to the rules, but suffice it to say that the other patients were quite violent & I was terrified the whole time I was in there. I had to lie to get out each time & I feel guilty about that to this day. I wish I could just erase those memories entirely b/c there is nothing good to come of them. They just make me feel scared & anxious & ashamed. And then I go back to remembering my debt situation & I feel even more so. Oh, I'm just so tired.
I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. I did not get any emails from you. Sorry.
Your Uncle is an idiot. Plain and simple.............baah !
You have one place you belong and fit in very well. Right here with all of us as you understand us and we understand you.
Now I would not choose the nunnery my friend but perhaps the Tibetan monks as I hear their life is so peaceful.................. The view from their mountain tops is awesome too. So if you do join them take me with you.
I am in no way down playing your situation as I know you are truly struggling but do remember we are here and we support and care for you. If I could I would gladly help you get your home ready to show and be there to hold your hand. So remember I am with you in spirit.
Forever yours faithfully,
Dear Frances, Please know you are in my prayers and I am hoping for the best for you to resolve your situation. I guess I would only say to deal with the people you can trust. Make the decision that is right for you. Your uncle is certainly no help so don't bother with him. If bankruptcy is what is necessary then find out from a reliable source how to go about doing that. It may be necessary to get your peace of mind back. And with it all the bills will disappear, even medical bills. Then you can start fresh. If I could I would help you more but I think the best I can do is let you know I am behind you with full support and only wish for you to achieve the relief and peace you deserve. Frances, please know that you are a very good and kind person. You have so much to offer. Don't listen to anyone who is negative to you. Try to stay positive and know that all your HW friends want only to help lift you up.
Frances, I continue to keep you in my prayers and i pray that things get easier real soon. You are such a strong spirit, i really admire the tenacity you use when faced with a huge dilemma. You are strong- stay that way.
Hi Frances, read your posts and am glad you are asking for help. Your attorney sounds like he can help you. Just a suggestion about the phone calls. The bank does not have the right to harrass you. Try changing your phone but here is an idea you can try. Do you have an answering machine? If so how about caller ID? I get many soliciting phone calls and what I do is let my machine pick up the call and then if I don't recognize the phone # I just erase the message. That way you don't have to listen to them. You can also turn the ringer off so you don't even hear the phone. Or you can set up a ring pattern to use with friends. Two rings and they hang up and then you can call them back. There are ways around these phone calls. Another thing I do is I will pick up the phone and immediately disconnect the call. They call back but after doing this several times they give up. If you are not home leave your answering machine off. They can't leave a message it they can't get through. I have a problem with calls because someone got a hold of several of my credit card #s and tried charging everything from athletic shoes to thousands in airline tickects. I had to file a police report. Luckily I have ID and fraud protection so I am not liable for any of the charges. But these people are still trying to get to me. I had to cancel all my cards and get knew ones and I just pay with cash now. No more charging or internet shopping. I truly understand the despair of getting upsetting phone calls but if you are careful you can start to avoid all this harrassment. Most important at this stage is leave the work up to the attorney. You need to get healthy and have your peace. I hope this helps in some way. Continuing to say prayers for you. Just another thought, Frances, what about getting a cell phone with a minimun package for emergency calls only? that is what I have and I always have the phone turned off. I only use it if I am out and need to get ahold of someone or if I have a panic attack and need to call one of my sons. No one can call you on a phone that is turned off.
Post Edited (Aurora60) : 7/26/2009 3:07:14 PM (GMT-6)