What have I done

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NinjaSwan
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/25/2009 4:13 PM (GMT -7)   
First off, I wanna say I'm sorry for asking for so much advice like I have lately without giving that much back, I've just had a really hard last month or so.


I just broke up with my girlfriend. I didn't want to do it, in fact I want to be with her more than anything (and I told her that). But I'm in a real tough place right now, I have depression, live in an emotionally abusive household and have no friends to confide in. The only person I could trust was her. But that's why I broke up with her. I didn't want to become an emotionally needy boyfriend, and I worried that I might hurt her in some unintentional way with all the crap that is going on with me. But man it hurts like hell. She was pretty downcast when I told her all of this, but I told her over and over again that it's because I don't want to hurt her or hold her back, not because I lost interest. She said she really doesn't know what to say.

The thing I'm wondering is did I do the right thing in breaking it off with her? I'm having second thoughts, mostly because I could have also done this because I was afraid. And I really dunno what to say to her if that is the case. I keep telling myself it's for the best, but it hurts so much because I really do care about her. :default/wub:

Thank you for taking the time to read this :-)

Post Edited (NinjaSwan) : 7/25/2009 5:25:55 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/25/2009 4:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Could you just stay friends with her and see where it goes from there? If she is somebody that you can confide in, you need her as a friend right now. You need to be able to talk to somebody. That doesn't necessarily make you a needy person. We all need that.

Do you see a therapist? I would advise you of that. It sounds like you could use the support right now. Work on getting yoursef better and keep your ex as a friend.

Best wishes to you

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/25/2009 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   

Ninjaswan, I don't really know why you broke up with your girlfriend but if she is out of state it is hard to keep a relationship going.  Maybe you both could talk and see how things go.  I think you might want to keep her as a friend.  Also you didn't mention your age but if you are a teen and under 18 you need to report to someone that you are being abused.  You don't have to live like that.  There are other ways for you to get help.  Can you talk to a school counselor or your minister?  Some one who is a trusted adult who can access your situation and give you some help?  It is hard to know how to advise you without knowing the facts. But there are many people here who would be willing to support you.  Can you give us some more information?  I would like to help if I can but don't know what the whole story is.  please post again and maybe we can do something for you or point you in the right direction. I think the key issue here is that Ninjaswan is hurting and needs help and support.  I think if you are going to post a reply try to be more understanding. Coming down hard on someone is only going to make them feel worse. Would you like it if someone gave you an answer that is only going to make you feel worse?

Aurora


Post Edited (Aurora60) : 7/25/2009 7:57:19 PM (GMT-6)


NinjaSwan
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/25/2009 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry for not adding more information y'all, my mind is pretty jumbled right now.

To start we are both 17, going into our final year of high school. We had taken a break this summer, just due to the fact that I have been going out of state constantly for various commitments, like family, sports, etc. We were still talking like normal, tho just more phone and internet than face to face. The break was more of just no dating or hanging out until school started again.

Anyways I was diagnosed with clinical depression and general anxiety disorder three years ago. I have tried several different meds along with several different therapists, and have recently found the major cause for my depression. I live in a high stress household, and although I know my parents love me, they have many problems which are often taken out on me. My extended family on my mothers side are also very emotionally abusive to each other, and I know no one on my dads side due to the fact that they are all severe drug addicts and alchoholics.

When it comes to my depression (or life), I obviously have no family to confide in, and all the "friends" I once had have pushed me away, with several "grow up and enjoy life" comments and the like. My girlfriend was the only one who didn't judge me and was there for me, and she was the only support system I had while dealing with all this.

I realize how dangerous that is. While I know I needed someone to be there for me, I didn't want to hurt her. It's not that I didn't trust her, it's that I wasn't quite sure if I could trust myself from hurting her in some unintentional way. In fact, she is the only person who I felt like I could trust.

Now I just feel incredibly stupid, because she took it harder than I thought she would. I just told her that I was in a really bad place and didn't want to hurt her or hold her back in any way. She said I never have held her back or anything of the sort, and to let her know if I changed my mind. But I don't want to be messing with her emotions by telling her one thing one day and another the next. I feel like a jerk to be honest.

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 7/26/2009 4:40 AM (GMT -7)   
zapped said...
 
This really isn't something you need to be asking here asit seems to be a fairly basic relationship issue.
 
 
Zapped i think its really important not to put someone down when they ask a question. Please dont imply that the question is not suitable for this board when we answer all kinds of things- even if we cant give the person the exact advice they need, it is important to at least be positive and supportive, especially when dealing with a member who is new and so young.
 
Respectfully,
 
Maz XX
                        Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
 
 
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THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18775
   Posted 7/26/2009 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
hi ninjaswan, maybe a bit of time out will help. better things will and do happen with a clear mind and focus. communication is key, after reflection a deep and meaningful may be of benefit. sorry that you are depressed, i am a no reward without risk person, albeit i also strongly follow my gut instincts as well. remember that we are here for you.
 
jamie.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/26/2009 10:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Often we get members here that are young, in love, and sad about their situation. The age limit here starts at 13. And often they are sad and not necessarily depressed. But we don't know that. So we still treat it as a depression situation. Which often still helps the person. And if it is just a case of love gone wrong, often they start to feel better and don't feel depressed anymore. So I guess I would say that this could be a pitstop for them as they move along with life.

But depression can be deceiving. And they could be depressed even if it just seems like a situational thing. So we listen and reply to all who come along. Even if we aren't sure what the problem is. Just incase they are depressed, hopefully they can get some information here that can help them. There are a lot of depressed teens out there. More than I want to admit and they need direction. So let's not over look them even if it just seems to be a case of a broken heart. All are welcome here.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


NinjaSwan
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/26/2009 11:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys,

Zapp, I do understand what you are saying. I wasn't offended at all. I asked for opinions, and you gave yours to me, so for that thank you. I appreciate your concern.

And I do completely agree with you. The depression is the major problem in my life, and it is what needs to be focused on, and it has been the last 3 years. The depression did not occur from the relationship, I had the depression for years before I met her. I have talked to a therapist about my concerns also, and one thing he stressed to me is the importance of having an emotional support system. As I explained in a previous post, I have a nearly non-existent one, with my girlfriend being close to the only support I had. She was more than just my girlfriend though, she was almost like a best friend who I could trust with my problems unlike anyone ever before.

I guess the reason why I asked here, and which I should have made clearer, is to see if someone with depression has had any experiences of being in a romantic relationship with another person, with the depression being a central issue in their lives. I think I over-reacted to the situation, due to experiences I have had with emotional neediness/abuse, and knowing how much pain it can cause. At times within my family, the abuse was unintentional, but hurt all the same. I just didn't want to put her through any of the pain I have experienced.

Post Edited (NinjaSwan) : 7/27/2009 5:25:55 AM (GMT-6)

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