Please help me.

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Genesis
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/27/2009 2:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I have never done anything like this before, asking for help. In my 24 years on this earth, there have been very few times where I've shared my pain with others, and it seems that this is the safest way for me. I'm not sure where to begin. I graduated from college in May. I moved back in with my mother and sister while I look for a job. 2 months later I have no job, and I feel like I'm going crazy.

I spend my days wondering around my mother's house, as close to an empty shell as can be. I don't have many friends in my hometown anymore after being away for 4 years, so I just stay in. I haven't had a proper nights sleep since I left school. I wake up usually at 3pm and collapse somewhere near 6 am from exhaustion. When I am awake, I stress and obsess over everything. I feel like I'm completely worthless and alone. That my family doesn't love me, and even though I know I don't deserve their love, it still hurts. I cry every single day. Usually before I go to bed. I feel totally and completely alone, useless and pathetic. I think it may also be taking a toll on my body. I haven't missed a period in the last 5 years, and I haven't had one since I came home.

I dont know where these feelings come from. No one is being mean to me.

I'm tired all the time. In the last week things have become much worse. I finally took to the internet and looked at my symptoms and figured I might be depressed. I cried that whole day away. More and more frequently I find myself running to my room to cry. I figured I could somehow fix myself internally, like I have in the past, but I don't know how to fix this. I've never asked for help before, but I'm begging for it now.

Post Edited By Moderator (FamilyGuy) : 7/27/2009 6:28:40 AM (GMT-6)


FamilyGuy
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3310
   Posted 7/27/2009 5:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Genesis,

First of all, welcome to the forum. Sorry I had to edit your post, but discussion of that is not allowed.  I included some resources for you .  Have you talked to a trusted member of your family about your feelings? Sometimes it takes longer than we anticipate to find a job after college, especially in this economic situation. Hang in there.

It sounds like it might be time to talk to your primary doctor and perhaps gets some counseling/meds. We are here to support you.
 
Here are some numbers if you have those thoughts:
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)

Thoughts and prayers are with you,


Jon,  Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease, Depression, & Celiac Disease forums
 
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet 
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Post Edited (FamilyGuy) : 7/27/2009 6:30:01 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 7/27/2009 8:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

I agree with the above post about seeing your doctor and getting hooked up with counseling. I think that it would truly benefit you. You need not suffer alone. I go to a pdoc and a psychologist. Both have really helped me over the last few years. I think it is time that you get some support. You need not suffer like this.

I am glad that you have joined us. There is a wonderful group of members here. We love new people too. Tomorrow is Chat Tuesday. Please join us if you feel up to it. It is a good way to talk to people one on one.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Genesis
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/27/2009 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the advice. I apologize got including disallowed material in my post.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 7/27/2009 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   
That is okay. It was taken care of. If you get a chance, familiarize yourself with the forum rules. It is just that we get young adults at the age of 13 on here and there are certain things that Administration doesn't want them to read.

I hope that you are feeling better.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 7/28/2009 6:01 AM (GMT -7)   
genesis, just letting you know that i understand, yeah been there myself, i have been mentally unwell for over 20yrs. seen my worst times, seen my family fall to bits, friends desert me, etc, etc. what i want to say is that with help, with trusting the right people and working hard and honestly you will get better. i send compassionately love to you. jamie, male, 37
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.
 
ps, we care about you!!!!!!

Genesis
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/28/2009 12:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you jamie. I suppose part of it might be that I have no support system. All of my friends are now on a completely different coast from me and I would feel to guilty to burden them with my problems. As for family, all I really have is my mother and sister. My sister and I had a huge fight 3 weeks ago and we haven't spoken since, which is definitely a first for us. She was the one tether that had me connect here really, now I really do have no one. I got up the courage to talk to my mother yesterday about seeing a psychiatrist, but she had to leave and by the time she got back I chickened out again. Growing up, anytime I did anything wrong she would tell me she would send me to "get help" as a way to threaten me, so I feel really ashamed in thinking I need it now. Now I'm pack to square one again, wanting to ignore the problem. She thinks I'm mad at her now that I won't talk to her, but it's not about her at all. I just don't care to talk to anyone, anymore.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 7/28/2009 3:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Isolating yourself isn't going to help this situation. You need to have somebody to talk to that is objective and trained to know how to help you. You really and truly need support right now. And I think you should seek that. It is something we all need. That is why it is called help.

We can support you here, but we are not professionals and that is what you need. Just remember that we are always here for you.

Take care, check out therapy or counseling.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 7/30/2009 1:20 AM (GMT -7)   
genesis, stay strong, keep posting. jamie

cbear
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 7/31/2009 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   
hi. i started having major depression just about your age. (i'm now 49). i had a wonderful new husband but other than that i began to close myself off from others , too. i cried every day and seldom got out of bed. i finally went to a dr. and got a referral from a minister to a licensed therapist. i was put on a mild anti depressant by my dr. and the counseling was invaluable. we didnt have much money and our insurance didnt cover counseling but this counselor charged on a sliding scale. it was worth every penny. i got alot better. ive still battled depression from time to time over the years, but now i know what 2 do and i know that it will soon pass. i wish you the very best and please know that you r cared about!

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 7/31/2009 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
thx for sharing cbear. jamie.

Genesis
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/31/2009 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for sharing that with me cbear, it gives me some hope. I finally talked to my mom about seeing a therapist. She thinks it might be something physical rather than mental...so she wants me to see a doctor as well. Every since I told her she's been hounding me to do stuff with her (well hounding as compared to before, where we rarely spoke). I appreciate her trying and I dont want to be ungrateful of her understanding but I just don't want to talk or do anything at all. I feel better than I did a few days ago, in terms of keeping myself busy and thinking about the future in a more constructive manner. So I think by doing that it's helped, because I haven't cried in a few days. I've begun looking for therapists, which is harder than I thought. There are two in my town, but both are male, and I would like a female therapist. So it looks like I'm going to have to travel a ways and go to one in Houston. Thank you everyone for your support, I'll continue to update.
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