Thanks so much Raniah. You are so kind and understanding. And I don't think your reply was unfair or too harsh. I know that my son's ex needs to learn to straighten out her own life. When I think about how my son cried for months and how terrible he felt I have my own anger at her. He is so much better now and is truly moving on. He hasn't had any contact with her and won't respond to her messages. Her choices were just despairing to our whole family. We had such hopes and dreams and plans for a beautiful wedding and now there is nothing. But that is OK because it wouldn't have worked and I don't think she ever would have gone through with it. I just have a hard time because I think of her all alone in her place crying and wishing she hadn't ruined everything and wishing they were together. I guess I just relate too much to the lonliness. I know how I feel and I imagine her feeling that way too and it makes me so sad. I think I need to have more of a backbone. And she does need to get professional help to see her through her self destructive ways. I guess the only thing that will make this better is to get beyond the Oct. date and look forward to the holidays. And if my son meets a new person that would be even better but I know he is taking is very, very slow.
Frances, thank you so much for your very insightful reply. Yes, you are right I did speak with my therapist about not having my son tell me all the details of what it going on. Of course, I never got up the nerve to tell him to stop telling me so it is my own fault. But he seems to really be healing and I don't think I will offend him if I tell him I find it strressful to hear about the messages and their sadness. He knows just how depressed I get so I am just going to have to let him know that for now I can't hear anymore. And of course when it comes to the two of them I will always support my son. I have been so lonely for a major portion of my life that I think I just kind of want to protect others who feel the same. Of course I have not had any contact with his ex so it isn't an issue. This girl has been so manipulative in the past and done so many unforgivable things to my son that I have to question why I care at this point. As I said lonliness has been a major factor in my life even when I was living in a house full of people. And I do have a group of friends. Maybe it is the combination of depression and lonliness that overwhelms me. It is something that I keep working on with my therapist. Summer too is a bad time for me. I guess I am trying to make up for what I lacked in love and protection from my own Mother. Sometimes we search and search for answers and they just aren't there. I need to learn to move on and look forward to other things in life. And i'm sure my son will meet the right person some day so I will have that to look forward to. I just need to get around all my shortcomings that are dragging me down and holding me back. Frances, I think of you often and always say prayers for you. I hope you are doing better and that you will be in a more peaceful place soon.
Post Edited (CassandraLee) : 7/28/2009 8:35:07 PM (GMT-6)
Cass, thanks for thinking of me and trying to help. I am going through such a hard time right now and am so fearful of the 2 weeks I have to be alone. I feel as if I have a jail sentence imposed on me. I am trying to carefully plan what to do and have the 1st 3 days of next week planned. But after that I just don't know what I will do. Mostly I can just go out by myself and do errands or go to the bookstore or library. But after all that I have to come home and listen to the deafening silence here. I have a few people I can call but I can't be calling them all the time. I worry that something will happen to me like a fall or I might get really sick and then I don't know who I would call. My younger son is here and will be at work but he lives in the city and he is starting to get really active in his social life so he doesn't have time for me. I just have such an overwhelming fear of lonliness and then all I do is cry and cry. Maybe I can try chat again and see how it goes but I just felt like I was intruding last night.
I am sorry chat did not go well but please do know that my email is open if you want to send me an email I will always try to get back to you ASAP.
I am not much of a chat person though I do check the chat rooms from time to time and may join in for a few minutes. I have always met nice people.
I am back from vacation so I am around if you need someone to lean on.
Jamie, I don't want to isolate myself but I don't know how to find people to be with or talk to. Most of my friends are away for the next few weeks so I have very few people to talk to or do things with. I can go out by myself but that is temporary and then I come home and am all alone and so lonely. I feel like my heart will break and I just cry and cry. I can go to the book store and grocery only so many times. And it is sometimes hard to get out with the weather being hot and humid. It makes my asthma worse. So here I sit feeling sorry for myself without any resolution to the problem. I see my therapist on Mon. so maybe she can give me some suggestions on how to occupy my next 2 weeks. Thanks for caring.
I swear it is ESP but we seem to post at the same time...........LOL. Hugs at you sweetie.
Hi Kitt, it does seem that we posted at the same time and crossed. Thank you for your support. I am at a very bad point right now. I am struggling to overcome my lonliness. It is hard for me to know that I am alone in my house for so long, it will be 18 days that my son is gone. Even when he is here we often do our own thing but just knowing someone else is in the house helps me and having someone to say good night to helps me in getting to sleep. I am trying my hardest to find activities for this time period. I have next Mon, Tues and Wed covered. My son leaves this Sat and I think I will go to a movie. There is a small theater where many single women go so I feel comfortable there by myself. There are always things to do during the day, errands etc, It is night when there is no one to talk to that really bothers me. I think I may have found a new support group in my town. I'm waiting for the leader to call me back and give me some information. Chat did not go well the other night for me but I think I can go back and try it again. Others posted to me and made me feel more welcome so I will give it another try. I really appreciate you always being here for me. I hope your vacation was fun and that you had a chance to unwind.