new update for me

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/27/2009 11:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I am starting to feel better and get over my asthma although it is slow. I am finally off the prednisone so I can at least sleep now.  But am using inhalers to keep my breathing free. I am feeling quite down though as my son is going on vacation Aug 1 and I will be alone for 2 weeks.  With being restricted in what I can do it is going to be a lonely time.  I am hoping I will be cleared up enough so I can get out during the day so it won't be so bad at night. The other thing that really gets me down is my other son keeps telling me about all the sad and depressing messages his ex fiance is leaving him.  She is so unhappy and lonely and I don't think her parents are being very supportive of her.  But as he says she made these choices and now she has to live with the consequences.  I know this is true and my son is recovering so well and really moving on. I know my emphasis is to support him but I can't help but hurt for her.  As one who suffers from such terrible lonliness I know what she must be going thru. And she is in a new strange city so I don't even know if she has any friends yet. I wish I could reach out to her but I know that I can't have any contact with her.  My son would strangle me! So here I sit crying over how bad she must be feeling and how deserted and hard her life has become.  He pointed out to me that she could be trying to manipulate him so that he will contact her but he will have no part of her.  And he says she did not consider him in any way when she made her decisions so his answer is "she made her bed now let her lie in it." She is manipulative I know from the past so this could be a ploy to try to get him back in her life.  Maybe the best thing for me is to ask my son not to tell me about her messages. If I am not aware of these things then I won't have to think about it. Life is just so hard and trust me it gets harder the older you get.
 
Aurora

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/27/2009 1:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Aurora,

I am glad your asthma is improving, albeit slowly. I’m sure being off the prednisone will take away that ‘climbing the walls’ feeling. I hope the improvements will continue for you.

I understand why it is a lonely time for you, Aurora. Even though I don’t have children of my own, I can imagine that you must miss your sons when they are not around. I hope we can all support you and help you through the coming weeks, especially while your son is on holidays. I am just starting to catch up after being away for a couple of days due to work, etc., but I know Karen was arranging a chat for tomorrow, so maybe that will become a regular thing again.

That must be so hard to think of your other son’s ex-fiancé, and I know you hurt for her because you are a caring person. I hope this won’t sound too harsh to you, but I think with all the problems she’s had, and the possibility that she may have some mental or emotional difficulties, it might be best for her to try to deal with this, and maybe seek some professional help instead of continuing to lean on your son. I think your son may be right that she needs to deal with the decisions she has made, and perhaps she needs to learn more about herself and why she makes the choices that she does. I really don’t mean to sound heartless about this at all……I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes we can’t save people from themselves, and they have to go through certain things in order to grow and find their own happiness. I really do hope that things will get better for her soon.

I’m so sorry about the loneliness, Aurora. I live alone by choice, but I still have certain parts of my life that I wish I could share with someone…..when I see a beautiful sunset, or when I discover something really nice when I am out walking in the woods, or when I watch a funny movie at home and want to share a laugh. It can be hard at times, but I hope you will find some comfort here from those who care about you. If I can get home in time tomorrow, I will try to get to chat. In the meantime, you will be in my thoughts and prayers as always. (((hugs)))
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/27/2009 2:58 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks so much Raniah.  You are so kind and understanding. And I don't think your reply was unfair or too harsh.  I know that my son's ex needs to learn to straighten out her own life.  When I think about how my son cried for months and how terrible he felt I have my own anger at her. He is so much better now and is truly moving on.  He hasn't had any contact with her and won't respond to her messages.  Her choices were just despairing to our whole family.  We had such hopes and dreams and plans for a beautiful wedding and now there is nothing.  But that is OK because it wouldn't have worked and I don't think she ever would have gone through with it.  I just have a hard time because I think of her all alone in her place crying and wishing she hadn't ruined everything and wishing they were together.  I guess I just relate too much to the lonliness. I know how I feel and I imagine her feeling that way too and it makes me so sad. I think I need to have more of a backbone.  And she does need to get professional help to see her through her self destructive ways. I guess the only thing that will make this better is to get beyond the Oct. date and look forward to the holidays. And if my son meets a new person that would be even better but I know he is taking is very, very slow.

Hugs,

Aurora


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 7/27/2009 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Aurora,
Try to stay strong & hang in there. You have been such a wonderful support to me & I know you heart is in the right place in this situation as well.

I seem to remember there was a post where you said that you & your counselor had talked & decided that it would be best to ask your son not to talk about his ex with you. Am I remembering that wrong? If not, I would suggest that that seems like sound advice, especially now when he is telling you more just to share what is going on than b/c he is really sad & needs your support.

I think your son is probably on to something about this girl being manipulative. There are plenty of other people in the world. If she was really feeling that way, she would go out & try to meet new people. Instead, she spends her time fixated on the past, emailing these messages to your son that could not possibly have any positive outcome. Some girls are like that. They don't want anything to do with the guy until the guy pushes them away. Then, all they want is to be with the guy -- until they actually get back together again, and then they realize that they don't actually want anything to do with him. They just want what they can't have & will do or say anything to get it. But once they have it (like she did when she had a relationship with your son) they move on to wanting something/someone else who is hard to get.

I know it's messed up, but I knew a number of girls in college who were like that. I don't know whether she needs professional help, or just needs to grow up, but in either case, there really isn't anything you can do to help her. If you put yourself in the middle, she will just try to manipulate you & turn you against your son & I know you really don't want that.

A lady I once knew told me that God only designs us to care for so many things. When we feel that two things we care about are in conflict with each other, we need to reflect on which one we are designed to care for & to put all our energy into that. I know that thought has helped me out a lot when I feel torn between two people I care about. We cannot fix all the world's problems. We aren't supposed to. It's hard to pick a side, but there isn't anything wrong with doing that. God will find someone else to pick the other side & every one will be cared for. The important thing is for us each to play our part & take care of only what we are called to care for. I hope that helps you. If not, feel free to disregard it. It just seems like you are so torn & I ache to see you like that. You deserve to be happy & healthy. :)

peace,
Frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/27/2009 5:24 PM (GMT -7)   

Frances, thank you so much for your very insightful reply.  Yes, you are right I did speak with my therapist about not having my son tell me all the details of what it going on.  Of course, I never got up the nerve to tell him to stop telling me so it is my own fault. But he seems to really be healing and I don't think I will offend him if I tell him I find it strressful to hear about the messages and their sadness.  He knows just how depressed I get so I am just going to have to let him know that for now I can't hear anymore.  And of course when it comes to the two of them I will always support my son.  I have been so lonely for a major portion of my life that I think I just kind of want to protect others who feel the same.  Of course I have not had any contact with his ex so it isn't an issue. This girl has been so manipulative in the past and done so many unforgivable things to my son that I have to question why I care at this point.  As I said lonliness has been a major factor in my life even when I was living in a house full of people.  And I do have a group of friends. Maybe it is the combination of depression and lonliness that overwhelms me. It is something that I keep working on with my therapist.  Summer too is a bad time for me. I guess I am trying to make up for what I lacked in love and protection from my own Mother. Sometimes we search and search for answers and they just aren't there. I need to learn to move on and look forward to other things in life. And i'm sure my son will meet the right person some day so I will have that to look forward to.  I just need to get around all my shortcomings that are dragging me down and holding me back. Frances, I think of you often and always say prayers for you.  I hope you are doing better and that you will be in a more peaceful place soon.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 7/27/2009 9:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

I know that this is so difficult for you. And it may be for a while, at least until after the original wedding date. But once that is over, I think it will be easier for you to go on.

I too agree that maybe you should ask your son not to give you the details and stuff about the messages. Or even when they come. He will get use to it, or maybe she will stop over time, especially since he doesn't respond to her. She wont be so annoying anymore.

I know that you share a deep feeling for those who are lonely. But this is a choice that she made. And the truth is, now she does have to live with it. But she will go on with life and so will you and your son. Things will be happy again. Everybody just has to go on. And they will, maybe at different times, but it will happen.

I, like Raniah, will try to be at chat tomorrow. I thought that I had to work, but I have a pdoc appointment. But I might be able to make it early. I don't know. I will try. Things keep changing at work and I don't know what is going to happen from one day to the next. My schedule got changed again. So I am lucky when I know if I have to work the next day. I like when I know what is going to happen.

Take care Aurora,

Talk to you again soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 7/28/2009 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora: I am extremely sorry about tonight.  I know you feel really alone right now and needed somebody to chat with.  I apologize for getting caught up with the others in the forum room as well.  I certainly did not mean to ignore you.  I will be around until 2:00 tomorrow.  I will be online working on my resumes and cover letters.  If you log back on and are willing to give me another chance, I would love to chat with you.  And if you would feel more comfortable we could go into our own chat room or just do private messaging alone.
 
Again, please accept my sincerest apology.  I really do care about you and what you are going through right now.
 
Cass

Post Edited (CassandraLee) : 7/28/2009 8:35:07 PM (GMT-6)


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/29/2009 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   

Cass, thanks for thinking of me and trying to help.  I am going through such a hard time right now and am so fearful of the 2 weeks I have to be alone.  I feel as if I have a jail sentence imposed on me. I am trying to carefully plan what to do and have the 1st 3 days of next week planned. But after that I just don't know what I will do.  Mostly I can just go out by myself and do errands or go to the bookstore or library.  But after all that I have to come home and listen to the deafening silence here.  I have a few people I can call but I can't be calling them all the time.  I worry that something will happen to me like a fall or I might get really sick and then I don't know who I would call.  My younger son is here and will be at work but he lives in the city and he is starting to get really active in his social life so he doesn't have time for me. I just have such an overwhelming fear of lonliness and then all I do is cry and cry. Maybe I can try chat again and see how it goes but I just felt like I was intruding last night.

Aurora


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 7/29/2009 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora.  I can see where you are coming from and it makes sense.  If you would feel more comfortable either getting in our own chat room or just private messaging between the two of us within a chat room, I would be perfectly willing to do that.  Please just let me know.  With my two children gone I can definately relate with everything being too quiet and feeling left out of everything.  I always have a difficult time when they are gone.
 
Cass

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 7/30/2009 1:37 AM (GMT -7)   
dear aurora. try not to isolate too much. nice gesture cass. remember we are here for you. jamie. keep safe and well. with loving compassion to you both. jamie.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/30/2009 7:35 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Aurora,

I am sorry chat did not go well but please do know that my email is open if you want to send me an email I will always try to get back to you ASAP.

I am not much of a chat person though I do check the chat rooms from time to time and may join in for a few minutes.  I have always met nice people.

I am back from vacation so I am around if you need someone to lean on.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/30/2009 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Jamie, I don't want to isolate myself but I don't know how to find people to be with or talk to.  Most of my friends are away for the next few weeks so I have very few people to talk to or do things with.  I can go out by myself but that is temporary and then I come home and am all alone and so lonely.  I feel like my heart will break and I just cry and cry. I can go to the book store and grocery only so many times. And it is sometimes hard to get out with the weather being hot and humid.  It makes my asthma worse. So here I sit feeling sorry for myself without any resolution to the problem.  I see my therapist on Mon. so maybe she can give me some suggestions on how to occupy my next 2 weeks. Thanks for caring.

Aurora


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/30/2009 7:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Aurora,

I swear it is ESP but we seem to post at the same time...........LOL.  Hugs at you sweetie.

Kitt


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/30/2009 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Kitt, it does seem that we posted at the same time and crossed.  Thank you for your support.  I am at a very bad point right now.  I am struggling to overcome my lonliness. It is hard for me to know that I am alone in my house for so long, it will be 18 days that my son is gone.  Even when he is here we often do our own thing but just knowing someone else is in the house helps me and having someone to say good night to helps me in getting to sleep.  I am trying my hardest to find activities for this time period.  I have next Mon, Tues and Wed covered.  My son leaves this Sat and I think I will go to a movie. There is a small theater where many single women go so I feel comfortable there by myself. There are always things to do during the day, errands etc,  It is night when there is no one to talk to that really bothers me. I think I may have found a new support group in my town.  I'm waiting for the leader to call me back and give me some information. Chat did not go well the other night for me but I think I can go back and try it again.  Others posted to me and made me feel more welcome so I will give it another try. I really appreciate you always being here for me.  I hope your vacation was fun and that you had a chance to unwind.

Many hugs,

Aurora


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 7/31/2009 12:21 AM (GMT -7)   
aurora, you are giving it a go, and it is good that you are trying chat, i do not even know how to do it period!!!! so keep posting, as i am busy i check posts at weird times, if i have time i post to as many as i can!! jamie. all the best with your appt.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 8/4/2009 6:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

I have been thinking about you a lot, and hope you are doing well. I have been away from the forum for the past week or so, due to an overload of work, but you've been in my thoughts and prayers. I know your son is away right now, and I hope you are doing alright during his absence. I would love to hear more about the support group if you feel like sharing. Did you go to the movies? I hope there was something good playing. Keep us posted on things. (((((((hugs)))))))
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 07, 2016 11:01 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,515 posts in 301,218 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151336 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, depressionexam.
247 Guest(s), 8 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
0311, depressionexam, robby vieira, gitane44, AnnabelleLee, Stetsonva, puppylover, julymorning


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer