jealousy, trusting
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depression - 0.0%
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anxiety - 100.0%

 
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july66
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/30/2009 1:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, 
I am having issues trusting my husband of 9+ years.  His job has him traveling every day of the week.  The last three plus months I have noticed text messages on his business cell phone from a young woman that is one of his customers employees.  these text messages (my husband says) are just jokes she sends via texting.  They are dirty, sometimes sexual.  She sent him a text message on my sons 8th birthday and told him she had to be in a different town @ 3 p.m. so if  there wasn't enough time don't come. (my question is enough time for what and why does she have to be there?  Why isn't my husband dealing with the owner? He told me if it bothered me that much he would tell her to stop, so he did or said he did, but they continue.  So I confronted him about this and he said he would never do anything, and he wasn't having an affair with anyone and I just needed to trust him.  I can not get these text messages out of my head.  I just know that if the shoe was on the other foot, he probably would have kicked me out of the house by now!  I have three little boys that can tell something is wrong.  Now he erases everything on his phone so I can't see them anymore. I feel that he is hiding things from me.  He sees this woman every week.  She has even called when we were at a family birthday party,  late at night and he talked to her as if we weren't even there.  Am I wrong for wondering about his faithfulness?  Am I just being paranoid? We have been together for over 15 years (married for 9 years) and I have trusted him with my whole heart until just recently.  Someone please help me.

Post Edited (july66) : 7/30/2009 2:33:26 PM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/30/2009 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello July,

I just met you in chat.......yup that was me that popped in. Welcome to the forum.  It is good to have you with us.

I would like to suggest if you feel your husband is up to something the best approach is to tell him the truth in a nonthreatening way just in case you are wrong and you do want to give him the benefit of the doubt.  It may be nothing. It does seem to be that you have some cause to wonder and the best way to get past your thoughts is to ask him straight forward.  No guessing games that way.

I cannot vote in the poll as I do not think your health issues are a cause for him to be seeing someone.   It is not your behavior that is a problem here.  I would keep in mind that you must make a decision to act in one way or another if he is seeing someone else.

I hope that you can get through this tough issue and that you have a good support network.  We are here for you so please do lean on us.

Gentle Hugs to you

Kitt

 



 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


july66
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/30/2009 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I have confronted him about this. but the texting continuues.  If I try to talk about it he says there is nothing going on and I have to trust him, he gets angry and walks away.  I can't get this out of my head, and it is causing me health problems. I can't sleep at night, I'm having heart palapatations and digestive problems.  My dr. says it it due to stress.  I want to go see a counselor but we live in a small town where everyone knows everyones business and my husband won't go for that. I just want honesty and my happiness back.  Do I just let it go and try to trust him or tell him I'm going to see a counselor without him?

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/30/2009 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   

I think it sounds like a positive step for you to see a therapist for yourself.  Someone that is there just for you.  You can talk about your fears and your anxieties and learn ways to cope.  I believe strongly in counseling. 

Your husband refusing to discuss your concerns and issues is not helping your anxiety.  I would definitely look at getting help for you.

Take care,

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18775
   Posted 7/31/2009 12:30 AM (GMT -7)   
agree with kitt, if you go, and if he is serious maybe he will pick-up your lead and go himself. i would suggest seperately at first. but for your health go. from a man's point it seems a little untoward in my book. but i do not know him and i assume nothing, just an opinion from what has been stated. jamie.
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder. all the best.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/31/2009 8:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi July,

I agree with the above statements. I think you should go ahead and go to counseling. Just from my point of view. My husband would not do something like that. But I do know men who would. You can give him the benefit of a doubt. But I think that the texting should stop. Does he have to keep in contact with her because of his job? Keeping contact is one thing, but the dirty jokes are another. so get some counseling. You need the extra support. And remember that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


july66
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/31/2009 1:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi all,

I'm waiting for my schedule from work so I can make an appointment with a counselor.  I can not go another day without sleep.  My husband got a phone call at 3 am this morning and had to leave on an emergency service call.  I know it's his job and all, but......  Last night he went to bed first and I got the kids ready then I went to bed,  as I entered the bedroom I heard him say 'gotta go', I then replied 'gotta go where?' and he didn't answer.  When I confronted him about it he said he must've been dreaming. 

His cell phone is always on his bedstand.

He is still working 12 hours later and won't cancel his Friday afternoon at the place she works. So by the time he gets home he will have put in 17 or 18 hours.  He does not have to deal with her because of his job but he makes it a point to.  My suggestion to him was to only deal with the owner, but apparently  the owner isn't there on Fridays, and what? he can't pick another day, apparently not.

This is one of the jokes she sent him just recently even after he supposedly told her not to text him anymore(day before my birthday): " I knew you would flip open your phone for me. Who's my b-i-t-c-h?  You are!  Have a good day!"

Funny JOKE confused huh?

Thanks all for listening! I appreciate it.  It helps to get some of this out.  I have  read on the internet that some forms of texting can be considered cheating also.  Maybe I should quit reading.

Thanks again

July66

 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/31/2009 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I can understand why you would want to quit reading. I don't think her text was very appropriate. I don't like the sound of this relationship that they have. I can't say that he is cheating per say, but it doesn't sound good. I really think that it will do you good to talk to a counselor who can help you assess this situation. And see it for what it is. Hopefully it is innocent. But I can totally understand what you are feeling.

Please let us know how your appointment goes. And keep posting as we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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