First of all, you are NOT responsible for how your wife feels about herself. Self esteem is exactly that--esteem of SELF. You can certainly help her as much as you possibly can, but it's ultimately up to each of us to achieve happiness within ourselves. Noone else can do that for us.
If she's not happy about something in her life, she can do something about it---what is it that she wants and needs? Can she articulate that?
It's wonderful that you suggested MC--hopefully you have a good therapist. Obviously her drinking is a huge issue, and why is she trying to get off of her antidepressants? It sounds like she is clearly depressed. If her current meds aren't helping, there are others that might. It's often trial and error to get the right meds.
Have you considered counseling for yourself? There appear to be so many issues in your post---one thing counseling could help you with is to establish safe boundaries---you speak of your wife "raging" at you and how she (verbally) beats you up---this needs to stop. You sound like a very worried and loving husband. Take care of yourself. Your children need you.
I understand you perfectly. I am married for 2 years and I ve been living with my husband for 10 years. for about 6 months i have been living a hell. although i am a psycholog, but not practionier, i didn t realize what was happening. i come from a country were counselling is not encouraged by the society and so my husband was affraid to tell me. till today when i found out a new lie. that put me to question everything. i already read a lot. and keep you inform with coping strategies. i my believe pills shouldn t be an option. they diminish the effect not the cause.
Thanks all for the kind words..
Dear Loving Husband,
I hit the bottom. I lost my house, my job, my mom passed away, my husband and I split up from all the stress. We took a almost 2 year break. I realized that I had to stop drinking and I did. I threw myself into finding a job, finding a decent clean cheap place to live. I went to counseling. After a while everything came back together for me, my husband got his act together as well and we got back together. All in all we have been married 26 years. I still get a bit snippy at times, but I try to think before I say something hurtful. Finding the right medication to help you through is a big key but it is not an easy road, it usually takes alot of trail and error but you do not give up! Every once in a while I still have a couple of beers but I stop it at that, then I will go months and not drink anything. I drank to cover up the pain I was feeling inside. I hope something will open her eyes to her behavior and she will really want to get well. Please do not let her verbally abuse you, you really need to set some boundries as far as what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Loving people do not act that way.
Good luck to you and your wife.
Hi, Loving Husband.
A good deal of what you say resonates with me. I have been married nearly 36 years and a few years ago realised that my wife has a personality disorder. I believe it is "avoidance disorder". There are differences, especially in that your wife seems to be more open to discussing and acknowledging the existence of her problems.
I wonder if it would help to lighten up a bit. In saying this, I know that my advice might be completely superfluous. You might be doing this already. But I realised some years ago that many of my denials were exacerbating problems rather than easing them. It sort of seemed as if the truth were too terrible to speak, so what I was denying must be true. This implies that I'm a liar, but there's nothing unusual about that allegation. As a corollary, if you can say something then it is possibly not true.
So when your wife claims that she's ugly, and goes on with other silly stuff, you do the right thing when you laugh. But how about: "If you say so, Darling, you must be ugly. You would know. I'm just a fool who doesn't know what a gorgeous woman looks like." Then possibly, you could pick some famously gross woman and say, "Now I realise what you're saying. That so-and-so is a bit of alright! Much better-built (or slimmer or fairer or whatever) than you."
Anyway, it's just a thought. I hope it may be helpful and not out of place.