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Brandon T
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/5/2009 8:33 AM (GMT -7)   
ok im gong to make this short cause i typed all of this already and the computer scewed up and i had to do t again another thing to add to the fail boat. but my name is brandon and heres my story.
 
 i ran away once i will tell you more later and i got conerd in my step dads room nothin happend my bro came to my aid. my father died on june twenty six 2007 and i was just getting to know him see he wasnt really there for alot of my life now and he was trying to make it right but i guess drinking and driving will shut everything down. but more later. i fell in lve with a girl name Becky she was amazing. but we never dated. she ended up moving to virginia an then over the phone she told me she liked me. **** i could have used that a year earlyer. but then i tried t get over her but it still hurts and it hurts like hell. then i went to this girls co. ed. sleep over for her b-day that was fun i had a crush on her but i found out that we were related by marrige so i lost all feelings for her i think but i like her cause she hot. thats probly bad. but i met a girl at the party and we became best friends we talk about everything and i thought i would never feel like this ever again but i fell for her. do you know how it feels to see the girl you love with someone els. t hurts like hell. no joke.  but i told her about my feelings for her evan though she has a BF (boyfriend). but she doest feel the same. ill tell you more later. and i started playing guitar like 4 years ago and could never write anything and thats more to add to the fail boat cause i love music and it sucks that i cant write anything. but later for now and if you have any advice for the lil part you herd here i could use alot and if you would please listen to me some more maybe i could get some more advice. i would really like to have someone to talk to and someone to share there story with me but i dont know how much help i could be cause im young and inexperienced.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 8/5/2009 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Brandon,

Welcome to HealingWell. So this is how it is. Love Hurts. There are times when we just can't hook up with the one we want. But I can tell you are young, so you have many years ahead of you. It sounds to me like things just aren't going the way that you would like them to. But please don't dispair. Things will turn around for you and you will find the girl of your dreams. But that doesn't always come easy. Take my word for that. A relationship goes two ways, you have to work at it. And it isn't always easy. So be ready to work for it when the time comes.

Keep posting. We are all here for you. I hope that things start going better for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Brandon T
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/5/2009 8:12 PM (GMT -7)   
well i am young and i know theres alot ahead, im going to be striaght up with you im really stubern and i cantspell. lol
 
but i dont want to find someone els cause if it backfires then i feel like this again but wores cause it adds another girl that i think about and i cant take any more its killing me already. and its not just love but its a very big part of it. my mom has been in and out of the hospital like once a year cause she oes into this crazy state cause shes bi polar. and when she came back this time she came back changed. like she stayed in that alter ego but its not as bad as it as but shes not getting better and i just cant stay hee any more i mean i can but i really dont want to cause sh drives me insane and i dont need that over top of this. and if she goes back next year i dont think she'll make it his time and it scares me cause then i would have lost both of my parents and if not put in foster care i will probly have to move and then i will never see my friends again and i would never see Kelsey again. it wasnt easy loosing my dad causehe really wasnt there alot of my life but he was trying to make it right i was starting to spend time with him. just spending the night and watching movies but i remember one time we actually played basketball. the first time we played basketball. and he even took me to a basketball game i think it was collage. but it was fun to be there with him. but now sence he was being a dummy and he got drunk and behind the wheel and crash and died. i dont know if i blame him or God. but i dont know what to do anymore. and i dont really care if it doesnt go the way i want it but as long as it doest go the complete opposite. and things have been going wrong sence i was 8 or 9 and hasnt changed and i dont believe it will turn around. and to tell you the truth i dont want the girl f my dreams i want her (Kelsey).
 
i really appreciate youtaking the time out of your day just to talk to me and listen and i hope you keep talkin cause i have really know one to talk to. well i have people but i dont feel comfertable with talkin to them.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 8/5/2009 8:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Brandon,
I just wanted to welcome you to Healing Well. It sounds like you've been through a ton of awful stuff & I'm really sorry to hear that. There are a lot of great members here, though, so please keep posting. I know a lot of us would like to get to know you better. Also, if there is anything we can do to help or support you, just let us know.

peace,
Frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


Brandon T
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/5/2009 9:52 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks and yeah alot of stuff.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 8/5/2009 11:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Here is a little story I heard many years ago:

A teacher walks into his class and dumps a bucket of rocks, pebbles and sand on the table. He then takes out a jar that was obviously a lot smaller than the bucket and sets that down next to the pile. He looks at his class and asks them if anyone thinks there is any way to get every rock, pebble and all of the sand in the jar and the entire class says no.

Not saying a word he places all of the larger rocks into the jar one by one until they seemed to fill it completely. He asks if there was any way to get the rest in. The class answers no.

The teacher then places the pebbles in the jar one by one and they fell down into the gaps left by the rocks. Now the jar looked full to overflowing.

Finally the teacher gathers the sand and pours it in, and the sand fills all the remaining openings.

The teacher looks at his students and asked if anyone could figure out how the jar could hold so much more than it appeared able to hold. Only silence greeted him.

The teacher then told his students that if you take care of the big stuff first, then the smaller stuff, and leave the smallest for last everything will simply fall into place.


When applied to a person's life it works the same way. Take care of the big stuff. Get yourself put together first and the rest will fall into place.



I first heard this story when I was about 15 years old, but it took me another 15 years before I really understood how true it is. Once I got myself to where I wanted to be with myself everything started falling into place like I always wanted it to.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.


Brandon T
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/6/2009 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
well i really dont get how im suposed to get myself together. i just dont understand how.
 
i understand the story completely and its ver clever.
 
and i hope that one day i will get how im suposed to get myself together and see how the morle of the story applies to me and i cant wait.
 
thanks for the advice man and if you wanna here everything thats going on with me and if there is more advice i could really use it. thanks again.
 
-Brandon
Edit: I changed the color of your post as the other color was extremely difficult to read.
Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 8/6/2009 11:03:09 AM (GMT-6)


Brandon T
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/6/2009 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
very clever not ver clever
-Brandon Thompson


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 8/6/2009 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Brandon,

LIfe does fall into place for us. Sometimes we have to be patient. But sometimes we do have to take care of the bigger things first.

Let your mom know that you are worried that she might not come home next time. Maybe there wont be a next time if she realizes how it is affecting you. I can understand your worry, but you should try not to worry so much about the future. Things will be okay for you, I just know it. We are here for you. Remember that.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 8/6/2009 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Brandon after 10 years of visiting message boards I am quite adept at reading typo's so don't sweat it. :-)

Have you heard this one. Even if your personal faith does not include God, which is none of my business, the words still have great meaning.


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.


Also if I may be so bold, it sounds as if you are trying to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. I don't know what your free time is like, but I suggest taking time out of each and every day for yourself. Do whatever it is that helps you to relax, that brings you some joy and peace and so you can forget all of your problems for a time so you can recharge your mental and emotional batteries. This can be anything from meditation to playing video/computer games, reading a book, going for a walk/run/bike ride, drive, whatever.

You must take care of you first.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.


Brandon T
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/6/2009 8:23 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah i do have God in my life but i just dont see him even tring to help me.
 
i wish taking the time to do the stuff i like would help but thats music and music reminds me of her. i would love to take a bike ride but i dont have a bike. and no money to get a new one. and i never have the energy,im so tired all the time. i like to play basketball but i rarely do it cause i dont have anyone to play with. and the parks are filled with drug dealers and gansters and ganster wanna be's.
-Brandon Thompson


Brandon T
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/6/2009 8:24 PM (GMT -7)   
and Getting BY i dont think that anything will ever fall in place in my life cause it been down hill sence i was 8 or 9.
-Brandon Thompson


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 8/7/2009 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Don't give up hope. You are young, I am older and I have seen things get better, so don't give up. Things do change and it is when you least expect it to.

Just take your life one day at a time. Live within the moment. Appreciate the things around you. There are little miracles all over the place. I am sure that you will come to find that out.

Things do get better my friend. Just don't give up hope.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Loving Husband
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 8/7/2009 6:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Brandon T said...
yeah i do have God in my life but i just dont see him even tring to help me.
 

Sometimes he helps in ways your not looking for him too..  Just cause you expect him to help you a certain way doesn't mean he will.. 

Brandon T
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/8/2009 1:34 PM (GMT -7)   
i havent given up hope im just tired. and havent seen anything good happen and it doesnt seem like it will ever happen. i wont give up hope.
 
thank you for your advice. i need it bad i know im not changing my oppinion but i do listen and i take your advice and i will get out of this fase but i know that i wll get back in it. its just i start thinging abot my father and that added on to me loving someone and them not loving me back just hits the trigger and puts me in this state. but thanks and i just really needed to tr to talk to someone about it cause im tired of keeping it in.
-Brandon Thompson


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 8/8/2009 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I am happy that talking is making you feel better. Sometimes we just need to get our thoughts down. It is hard when we feel our parents don't love us. Often they do, they just don't show it. Or they just don't say it. Bue the most important thing is that we love ourselves. No matter what other people feel.

Keep on thinking positive, and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Brandon T
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/10/2009 5:59 AM (GMT -7)   
i know my mom loves me its just i do feel very comfertable talkin about to her.? it weird i can talk to random people but i cant talk to my mom.?
-Brandon Thompson


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 8/10/2009 6:04 AM (GMT -7)   
It is easier to talk to others than it is to the person that you want to talk to. I have that same problem too. It is hard to tell somebody that you love things about them.

Are you seeing a counselor? They really help in times like these. But you can get some objective point of views here too.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aiming for Serenity
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 8/10/2009 10:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I give you a LOT of credit for reaching out and trying to help yourself. Being willing to think about what's going on inside and addressing it takes a lot of courage.  :-) You mentioned you didn't know what to do to sort yourself out - you're doing it, man! You started here and just gotta keep moving ahead a little at a time.
 
Brandon, I can remember being your age. All my feelings were so much stronger and on the surface than they were later, even by the time you're 20. I know it sounds soooo lame when adults say this stuff, rolleyes but these things (like heartbreaks with girls) really are tougher when you are younger because of your body's complex chemistry. It might help a little to think about it this way: this is about as tough as it gets. Life continues to throw stuff at you, but you start to feel more equipt to handle it. Be open to learning from the things you see and experience that are good and bad. What to imitate and what to avoid.
 
My son is 15. My husband has been encouraging him to avoid getting involved with girls because at this age it feels so intense and is so confusing and your interests and needs really aren't in line with each other. So far he has avoided them and even told us once he's glad he has because all his buddies seem miserable all the time because of misunderstandings with girlfriends.  So that's just one perspective.
 
I'm really sorry about your folks. You will be able to draw from these experiences as you live your life and make your choices. My mom is bipolar, too. Usually when people with bipolar go to the hospital they come home with adjustments in their medicines to help them feel better, but I can understand your fear of losing your mom. You seem like a very loving kid. Tell her how much you care about her and ask her what you can do to help. It will make you both feel better.
 
One more piece of advice, if you can stand it. Spend some time at the library. This probably sounds like the lamest thing possible. redface But here's the thing: You can  learn about yourself by taking a random stack of books to a table and just flipping through them. Kinda like surfing the web but it can be much more intense. I read a couple of biographical novels when I was your age that absolutely stunned me. I couldn't believe people had been through the things they'd been through.
 
Take a peek at some of the stuff about different parts of the world or different kinds of art- what can seem boring in class can be pretty interesting when you get to set the direction yourself.
 
You might want to check out some biographies of musicians to find out how their problems helped them evolve their music. (Most people don't start out making excellent music.... they suck at first until they learn more about themselves and what matters to them)
 
When I did this I sorta felt like I was hanging out with me. Getting to know me. It's pretty cool. scool Plus... girls (especially when they get a bit older) dig guys who are comfortable with themselves and have things that interest them.
 
Hang in there. You seem to be made of strong stuff.

I have Depression and Fibromyalgia 
My Mom has Bipolar II
My Niece has Bipolar I

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