Depressed Boyfriend unsure of himself

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/11/2009 6:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello I'm Wispy and I found this website to possibly get some helpful advice on how to deal with my boyfriends chronic depression and anger management problems.   We have been going out for almost 3 years now.  And I can honestly tell you that he has the sweetest heart in the world, he has love and compassion for his friends and family that share his best interest.  He gives a lot more than what he recieves from anyone. 
he rarely has rage attacks or outbreaks. he more often uses those hand gestures that surpress anger. For the past few months he has been describing some weird feeling he is having in his mind, like he can feel himself emotionally unstable.  It worried me and he suggested for him to get help.  His dad has been stressing him out, and his grandmother has been constantly bickering at him and "flaming the fire". 
His Rages scare me.  I love him from the bottom of my heart and he knows that and feels the same way about me.  He has never verbally or physically abused me.  And I don't think he ever will.
This has all been happening for a while, just 3 weeks ago he has been spiraling downward. Today he exploded, his dad yelled about the money he spends constantly.  And how he doesn't want friends that he doesn't approve of to come over and barge around their home.  My boyfriend snaps and says he is leaving and not coming back grabs the car keys and storms out the front door, his dad comes running outside for him to drive carefully but he is already at his peak of his rage.  Black out rages run in the family, where you are so angry you break, or harm something or someone without even knowing what you are doing.  Well we were driving in the car and he was yelling that his dad doesn't ****ing listen.  And Just punches the windshield and leaves a huge crack I immediately am terrified because I've never seen him do anything like that before and burst into tears he did as well and pulled over and started calling himself horrible things while crying and saying hes worthless and he didn't mean it.  We talked to his mother about the whole ordeal and she made both of us feel more secure about it knowing he is getting help tomorrow, but does anyone have any suggestions for me as his girlfriend to help him in his situation?  I hug him and comfort him, tell him it is ok.  Is there anything else I should say?  staying quiet makes him more angry sometimes.
Please advice would be greatly appreciated.

Post Edited (Wisp) : 8/11/2009 5:29:35 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 8/11/2009 6:38 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Wisp, and welcome to HW. Your post really got to me, as I lived in a similar situation with a boyfriend with 'rage' issues at the same age as you. As you said, he never abused me, but his family bore the brunt of his extreme and out of control anger that would rear itself quite frequently. Other than that, he was kind, compassionate and sweet. As often happens, after 3 years we went our separate ways for different reasons.

I got him into counselling which was the best thing for him. He was able to understand where his anger came from and why he was so fragile. Therapy did him a world of good, so I think its a great idea that your boyfriend sees a professional, because he must be hurting badly.

If he finds counselling to be beneficial he may start to reduce his anger and have less frequent 'rage' attacks. It sounds like his problems or triggers are family based (as was the case with my ex.) Does he have any other relatives aside from dad that he could live with? Maybe family mediation would work, but its a big call.

Im sorry you are scared, I know this too well. The best thing you can do is be there for him and verbalise your fears- I think you should tell him that you are scared, as he may not realise he is upsetting you indirectly. I would also seek professional help and try help him see the positives in life. He sounds confused, almost overwhelmed.

Its great that you are seeking advice, you obviously love this guy and want to see him at his best- I hope others will be able to give more advice also. Stay strong and good luck with tommorow, keep in touch,

Maz XX

 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/11/2009 2:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much with the reply Mazfire.
I was afraid someone wouldn't reply.
It feels nice to have someone who understands what I am dealing with and gives encouraging words. 
He also lives with his Grandmother who he despises and really wishes that she is dead.  She never listened or showed any sentimental feelings toward him since he was young because he chose not to believe in God and she still is trying to convert him to Christian because she thinks it might help him be a better person.  But she won't let go of the idea, and is constantly getting him mad infront of his father and behind his back by doing little annoying things that she knows seriously hurts and gets to him.
His mom lives on the other side of the country.  She helps us by speaking to her friends and family here in our city to help him out.
Basically he lived with his mom since age 13 and when she decided to move to the other side of the country, he said he wasn't going to go and went under custody of his father.  But he didn't know the house he is living him will not show him any moral support whatsoever.
Thanks again.
I'm about to leave to go visit his other grandmother because she is taking him to the physician today. 
Thanks I'll keep it posted.
-Wisp <3

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18575
   Posted 8/12/2009 4:56 AM (GMT -6)   
wisp. all the best to you both. with loving compassion. jamie. am here for you also.
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