leaving zombie land

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Daisysmom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 8/12/2009 11:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,

with my PCP's approval, I am going off my SSRI. I have been medicated this time around for about 3 years and feel like I can get by without it. My psychiatrist, last time I asked, of course thought I should just take medication forever, and he paid so little attention to my file that he accidentally prescribed 40 mg of generic celexa instead of the 20 mg I had been taking for several months. When I was on the 40 mg, I was so numb, I had begged him to get me down to the 20 mg, and he did, but I guess he forgot about that change. Not like a double dose is a big deal or anything. Duh! And he is the head of psychiatry unit at a local hospital.

well, i didn't read the script til a couple of days after my appointment with the psychiatrist, and I just thought... that's it, I am through with him. And I filled the prescription but cut those pills into quarters... That was about a month ago. I went to a routine appointment with my primary care physician this week. She said that since I have been doing OK on the 10 mg and want to go off, that I could just stop taking them, or, I could go every other day. I am going to try every other day for a while and then go off. Don't want too many of those winkywinky brain things.

anyway. I actually feel a range of emotions now, and it's nothing psychotic. My brother died about 5 months ago and "thanks" to the SSRI, I feel like I have hardly grieved. I actually shed a tear or two these days when I am by myself. Nothing devastating, nothing that screams "mentally ill." Just, sad, like sad when somebody has died.

Yes, the SSRI was great when I was going through a very tough time at work and was having severe pains in my chest from anxiety. I feel like I can cope with life now though.

I haven't been getting counseling the last year and a half or two. I don't feel like taking their advice, so what's the point? I'll muddle on, doing things they don't understand.

Anybody else feel like you are tired of people telling you there is something wrong with you?

Daisy's Mom

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 8/13/2009 4:40 AM (GMT -7)   
dear daisysmom. as individuals we know ourselves best. i think you utulised the situation and circumstances well. follow your gut instincts. keep safe and well. with loving compassion. jamie

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/13/2009 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Daisysmom,

I did not have good luck with the SSRIs and they did not blunt my emotions or make me feel better in fact I was just as upset and cried easily due to deaths in my family as well as hating the depression.  I chose to wean off the SSRI and after 4 months off I have found that I do need to be on a medication but not an SSRI.

I do believe, as Jaimie said, we each know ourselves well and advocating for ourself is a good thing.

I have argued more then once with my Pdoc but she usually let's me try it my way in the end.  There are certain meds I have just refused to try.  devil

Take care and keep talking with us.

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
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"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


Daisysmom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 8/13/2009 10:46 PM (GMT -7)   
hello jaimee and kitt,

thanks for the responses. From what I understand, the psychiatrists aren't really there to analyze you when you go in for your brief med check, but I just don't get it. Seems like he hardly knows me but from what I told him about my past, he thinks I need to stay on the meds forever and ever. I just feel like I'll take them when I need them and right now I don't need them. I did my best to follow doctor's orders, but come on. I DO know, like you said, what I need.

--Daisysmom

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 8/17/2009 2:16 AM (GMT -7)   
then put those needs into action!! action plan time, i am doing another with my doc soon. keep fightin'. love, jamie

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 8/17/2009 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Daisy, i hear you. The SSRIS is was on in high school made me a zombie- i felt nothing but complacence. No highs, lows- just like a robot on autopilot. It was awful. If i was in emotional pain, i couldnt feel it and sometimes you need to, like as you pointed out, when it comes to grieving etc.
 
I dont know how to word this as it could be considered innapropriate, but i was in a situation with a boyfriend who 'took' advantage of me physically and it wasnt till i switched meds that i felt true anger at the violation i had experienced. it was then that i was able to start the healing process.
 
I wish you all the very best and keep us posted, sweets.
 
Maz XX
 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
-DX:Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ, Endometriosis,PCOS, Reactive Arthritis, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, OCD, Seasonal Mood Disorder. GERD, IBS.
-Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Prescription pain meds/anti inflammatories.
-Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
-Age:29. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14.
 
 


Daisysmom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 8/20/2009 10:00 PM (GMT -7)   
hello,

well, a small update. I am withdrawing from this SSRI, generic Celexa. Went down to no pills, like the doctor said I could do. Feeling it. Like those little electrical shock thingies in my brain when I am walking around. (Haven't you ever had them when you forgot to take your meds?)

The good thing is I have noticed that I am back to feeling like I can get out of bed in the morning. For many years I always did well on 7 hours of sleep, but that hadn't been the case this last time around on the medicine. Now I feel again like maybe 7 hours is enough.

Also, I once again feel like doing stuff in the kitchen. For some reason, i have hardly baked or cooked the last couple years and now I feel like I might actually make some interesting stuff again, instead of just heating things or frying stuff. I made a dessert today and it was pretty good! Also clipped a recipe for dinner.

I still have not canceled that appt with the psychiatrist. I'll give it another couple weeks, and if I feel too weird, maybe I will show up and see if he has any suggestions for me.

-- daisysmom

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 8/21/2009 12:56 AM (GMT -7)   
good, good, good. fuzzies in the head do pass. proud of ya. kindest of regards. jamie tongue tongue tongue tongue

Daisysmom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 8/21/2009 9:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Fuzzies in the head were worse today. felt very ill. made a very careless mistake at work, though it was caught before lives could be lost (not that i do anything THAT important). hoping i will feel better tomorrow.

Cloudy30
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 8/25/2009 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been getting off my antidepressants as well and have experienced a few bumps in the row. Like you my psychiatrist thinks I should be on them my entire life however like you I am tired of feeling numb and flat. I need a range of emotions. With the help of my therapist and my naturopath I am taking it one day at a time. Exercise (of course), meditation and regular therapy have been very helpful. I got off of Zoloft and Wellbutrin this summer and had the luxury of not working during the initial withdrawels.

Some days are better than others. I am going back to work next week and feel a bit anxious about it because of how emotionally fragile I can be. I am praying that I will be able to just take things one day at a time and keep on keeping on. Best of Luck to you.

Many Blessings

Daisysmom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 8/25/2009 10:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cloudy,

feeling slightly better the last couple of days. It has been such a pain to go completely off of the generic Celexa that I really don't think I will go back on it unless I have pretty bad psych symptoms. I guess when I did get on it I had been having a lot of anxiety and even felt suicidal. There was a gun in our house that we acquired after a relative died, and I had to get rid of it because I was so scared of my suicidal thoughts ... that was 3 years ago.

Maybe I really should find a therapist of some kind. I have been reading some comments on Healing Well and some people mentioned some things that make me think maybe I really shouldn't give up on therapy.


--daisysmom

Cloudy30
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 8/26/2009 5:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Daisy Mom,

I think the process of getting off antidepressants is a one day at a time process. I remember having a couple of days my first month off of them that I had suicidal thoughts and I know that feeling of being scared during those times. I do have an agreement with my therapist if I am feeling unsafe to call.

Therapy has been a life savior for me but it can be very tough at times working through certain emotions and certain experiences but through this process I have become stronger and more aware and even though there are times that I still doubt myself or doubt I am making progress I will never regret taking the journey that honestly I will be on for my entire life.

I have struggled with what people think of therapy especially some comments from my family but when it comes down to it I have to do what is right for me and this works for me. I feel very fortunate to have a therapist who I trust.

Lately I have been struggling with a bit more fatigue than usual have you experienced that? I wonder how long it takes to get these drugs completely out of your system...

Hang in there and keep checking in...
Allison

Daisysmom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 8/27/2009 9:45 PM (GMT -7)   
allison,

I started cutting back the medication in July, I think. Went to half a dose for about a month. Then my family doctor said i could go to every other day or cut it completely if I wanted. I did it every other day for about a week and then I cut it completely about 2 weeks ago, I think.

I would exercise really intensely to help clear my body, BUT I am having a lot of foot pain, so that's kind of out. Some people on the Internet think it can take several months or even longer to clear a psychiatric drug out of your body/brain.

These last couple days I have been having less nausea and electrical/brain weirdness, which is a good thing. Since I started cutting back, I have sometimes had weird, scary dreams, which is unusual for me. One the other night had me screaming, and then I kept thinking about it in the daytime. I read on the Web that actually a lot of people get weird dreams when they START Celexa, but I don't remember that. Actually, for the last 3 years, I was on Lexapro and then went to the generic Celexa.

Anyway, as long as life doesn't throw me any curveballs, I think I will be OK, but I am going to try to get more involved again in something, whether it's going to church, or the gym or therapy or all three. Really, I swear I just got so passive and apathetic on the medication that I didn't notice how completely boring my life had become.

--daisysmom

Cloudy30
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 8/27/2009 10:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Daisy Mom

I know what you mean about feeling apathetic and feeling indifferent on the meds. I feel like in many ways I am starting over with the being connected and caring about others etc. It feels like an uphill battle at times to get back into life when you have been out of it for what seems like a long time. It feels uneasy, scary and messy but I know it is a challenge I need to face head on if I am to live a quality life. With the drugs, I felt even but flat and lifeless.

It is funny that you mention getting back into exercise and your ankle. I made it a goal to get back into exercising and did something to my ankle as well so I have been riding the bike and swimming. My chiro has given me some suggestions to rehabilitate my ankle I am also trying to get back into church. I have been so inconsistent in the past that my connections to getting involved have been sparse. One day at a time right?

I have been off Wellbutrin and Zoloft for about a month. I get draggy and tired at times but so far I am feeling okay. I saw my therapist today and we spoke about getting back into things and while I am excited that I am feeling good enough to get out there again I also feel a sense of fear what if I fail at this again.
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