migraines and baffling fatigue

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

DreamspinnerCheryl
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 8/16/2009 10:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I joined several days ago, and since I can't seem to sleep (again), I thought I'd introduce myself.
 
I'm 54, and it seems I've fought depression and anxiety all of my life.  After a wicked post-partum depression with my second son, my OB/GYN started me on Tofranil.  Life since then has been a roller coaster of treatment, no treatment, antidepressants that did or did not work, or stopped working.  I'd get better, "forget" that I ever had problems, go at life like I was killing snakes, and coast along until I'd decompensate again.  How I've survived this long, I don't know.
 
I made it through raising three wonderful kids, 36 years of being married to a great man, nursing school (graduated at 40), and working thirten years as a hospital RN.  For the last ten or so, migraines and baffling fatigue episodes have slowed me down, from full-time-plus, to the point that I was only able to work PRN (on an "as needed" basis, depending on whether I had the energy to work.  That might be only one or two twelve-hour shifts a week). 
 
My husband and our live-in daughter both were laid off, and I had to find a new job where I could get enough hours make the house payments, pay bills, and buy groceries.  I lasted five weeks-and realized I can no longer learn, or retain, new information, be depended on to make rational decisions, or keep up with the demands of floor nursing.  I got fired on Tuesday, and checked my  self into an Acute Intervention Unit on Wednesday. 
 
That was five weeks ago.  Since, I've accepted the fact that I have full-fledged Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and serious depression.  I seem to spend as much, or more, time in bed than I do up and around.  Heaven help me if I have a day when I feel better-I get caught up in the "push and crash" cycle, try to do too much, and take days to recover.  On the advice of my counselor, I've applied for disability, but I'm having problems even getting my unemployment, since I left one job voluntarily to take another. 
 
I feel useless, stupid, slow, phony, old, and hopeless.  The one thing I was so proud of-being a nurse-has been taken from me by my illness and emotional state.  I could probably get a job tomorrow-but can't guarantee any reliable attendance, thanks to the CFS, and, I guess, the depression.  That's IF I could learn the ropes fast enough to keep any job.  I've gone from being CFS sick-tired, but still wanting to do things, to being depressed tired, and not caring about much of anything.  All I want to do is stay in bed, covers over my head.  I wish I could go to sleep, and never wake up.  At least I'm not as fixated on the gun in the desk, like I was when I first got fired.  Now, I'm just dying a little at a time, getting older and more expendable as time goes on.  I can't see anything to look forward to.  I can barely find a reason to get up in the mornings.
 
I'm not asking for sympathy-I realize there are so many who are in much worse situations than mine.  I just needed to get this off my chest, and am not (at the moment, anyway) bad enough to call a help line.  If I'm still this down in the morning, I may call and ask for an emergency session with my counselor.  I admit, I've been covering up a lot when I talk with her.  Losing face hurts.....
 
Thanks, anyone who's gone to the trouble of reading all of this. 
Edit:  I gave your thread a title  :)

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 8/17/2009 9:39:39 AM (GMT-6)


DreamspinnerCheryl
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 8/16/2009 11:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Looking back at my post, and at the rules, I'm afraid I might have crossed over the line. I'm sorry if I did, in mentioning my suicidal ideations of one month ago, and I apologize for neglecting to post a subject line.

I'm finally getting drowsy-think it's time to try to sleep.

Again, I'm sorry if I messed up.
Cheryl.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 8/17/2009 1:38 AM (GMT -7)   
hi cheryl. me, jamie, 37 and male. understand the cfs, i may have a dx also. your brain, in terms of intellect shows that you have an excellent ability to write. i feel your acumen would be of use, in particular in an associated medical info-tech way. something to think about.
 
yeah, because of your understanding of yourslf, ideation, i am not worried that you are at risk, otherwise i would have notified admin. a moderator may edit your post, esp the gun part.
 
depression sucks, you have been on the merry go round of treatments. health is so important, yes i understand the reasons why you need to work, i am on a disability pernsion, 9 yrs now. although i am head first in study, and alike you working on my health. cheryl, take some personal time for you. for your needs analysis a cost benefit analysis approach might be helpful. i am glad that you know when an intervention is warranted, and i am glad that you seek treatment quickly when it is required, i do the same. me 28 admissions, 6 treatments of ECT, a 6 month stint in a inpatient program for people with severe borderline personality disorder, years of psychiatric counselling, homelessness, etc. please stay strong, you are an important and loved person of this world. we care about you, i do.
 
keep safe, be strong. i admire your courage in posting. i can tell that you are a fighter, so keep fightin' we are all here for you. with loving compassion. jamie
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 8/17/2009 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   
You might have fibromyalgia. I have that and all I wanted to do was sleep. In fact I did for two years. Listening to life go by through the bedroom window. Yes that can be really depressing. And the fog goes along with it. Inability to retain information is a big part of it. I started taking a medication called adderall. It ahs been a life saver for me. I can function enough now that I have a part time job. Talk to your doctor about some meds for energy. I hope that you get some relief. CFS is no fun at all. And please don't be so down on yourself. This is something that you can't help.

Best wishes to an energetic day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


DreamspinnerCheryl
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 8/17/2009 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Jamiee, thank you for answering, and for the positive statements. You sound like you've had a rough time yourself, and I appreciate your compassion.

Karen, I think I may well have Fibro, as I have a constant assortment of aches, stiffness, and odd pains as well as fatigue. Unfortunately, I also have a doc who isn't fibro/CFS savvy. Having worked at the one major hospital in the area, I'm not aware of any GPs locally who take Fibro or CFS very seriously. Perhaps this is why I've resisted the diagnoses myself for so long. I know I need to find another doc, but just don't have the energy to find one who'd be more receptive to my problems. Plus, being unemployed, with no income, I can't afford to doctor-shop.

I wonder-what specialists would you folks suggest who might be helpful? When I was working at the hospital, one of the few docs I spoke with who took CFS seriously was an infectious disease specialist, but I don't know if he takes on patients outside of hospital consults. I've considered asking for a neurology consult, if for no other reason than to rule out MS. I saw an allergist last year, only to be told that while I have multiple low-level allergies, none are severe enough, except for maple pollen, to justify shots.

My counselor has suggested I see her chiropractor, who is also into homeopathy. Have any of you had good experiences with this sort of approach? I suppose that, as an RN, I'm a bit skeptical of anthing but standard medical approaches, but I'm frustrated that traditional medicine doesn't seem to have much to offer.

Thank you in advance for any help anyone can offer.
Cheryl.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/17/2009 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Cheryl,

Welcome to HealingWell.  I am Kitt.

First of all you are not useless, stupid, slow, phony, old, and hopeless.  You are a person with multiple problems and now also perhaps Fibro.

I would see an Internal Medicine Doctor to discuss your sx, all of them and ask if you have Fibro. JMHO

I am glad you were wise enough to check yourself into the hospital.  That is awesome and I wish others who need immediate help would do the same.

Please don't  put yourself down as nurses get sick too......I am a nurse and I have depression, anxiety, skin cancer, a herniated disk and other issues I deal with but by far the toughest one is the depression.

Chronic Illness and Depression go hand in hand. Depression is a natural part of dealing with a chronic illness. When your body is challenged physically, it often times challenges the affects your brain chemicals which can lead to depression. Not to mention that with a chronic illness a person is dealing with an avalanche of new experiences both physical and emotional and that can affect their emotional health.

Please know we are here for you and keep talking with us.  I did a small edit on your original post and thank you so much for reading the rules. 

Again a warm welcome to Healing Well.

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


DreamspinnerCheryl
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 8/17/2009 12:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, Kitt. I'm trying to stick to the rules-I so understand not posting anything so negative as to pull others down with me. I hate to even complain to friends and family for that reason, and several of them fight their own battles with depression.

I made an appointment with my NP for later this afternoon, and intend to ask for a referrel to someone who can diagnose and/or treat me for the depression, fatigue, and possibly fibro, if she or the doc can't do it. I probably should have moved on some time ago to someone more "CFS/Fibro" aware, and a psychiatrist or such for antidepressant management.

I'll post afterwards, and let everyone know how the session goes. For now, off to shower-maybe that will give me the energy to make the drive, and present my concerns adequately.

Thanks again.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 8/17/2009 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
look forward to hearing back cheryl. all the best with your appt. jamie

DreamspinnerCheryl
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 8/18/2009 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I saw Cindy, my NP yesterday. While I'm still not convinced she's as knowledgeable about CFS as I'd like her to be, she seems to have taken it on as a personal/professional challenge to help me get better. (She, herself, has a wicked case of R.A., and I expect that contributes to her sensitivity r/e chronic disease.) I did get the impression that she's quite well-versed on Fibro, and suspects I may, indeed, have that. Cindy encouraged me to cry, listened closely to what I had to say, and, as a nurse/nurse-patient team, we formulated a plan of action. (I can't tell you how much her approach (nurse to nurse) meant to me, given how beat up my self esteem has been!)

First came a B12 injection-the first of more, if it seems to have helped. Then labs. If the EBV is once again elevated, as it has been repeatedly in the past when the fatigue/depression has gotten me down, we're going to call it CFS. Should the EBV not be up, she's referring me to a rheumatologist to diagnose or rule out Fibro. She also had a thyroid panel drawn (again), as well as ferratin, since I run a chronically low ferratin. Since I've been on twice daily iron, I expect that to have improved, but, in that case, it should help narrow down the cause of my fatigue.

Last, but certainly not least (given that this is a depression forum!) she switched the Effexor to Pristiq. I'd tried Pristiq in the recent past, and found it more effective than Effexor, but didn't care for the nearly constant sweats it can cause. Now, I'd rather sweat than be as miserable as I've been. I'm home, not working-I can always take extra showers as neede, right?

I do feel substantially better this morning-whether it's due to the B12, Cindy's caring response, or the 12 hours of sleep I got last night, I don't know. But, I'm grateful. And I'm grateful for the support I've found on this forum. Thanks, folks.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 8/18/2009 5:57 AM (GMT -7)   
good cheryl, me to pristiq. ditched the effexor. less sedating. on seroquel for major sleep disturbance and severe insomnia. cheers. good luck with the bloods. jamie
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, December 04, 2016 3:19 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,437 posts in 301,021 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151185 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, monjurmuradd.
180 Guest(s), 2 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
George_, Lamilla


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer