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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 8/21/2009 3:45 PM (GMT -6)   
I've been treading water for so long now that I feel like I'm alarmingly close to losing all strength and just sinking. I want so badly to be better. A better person, a better friend, a better daughter and sister, a better girlfriend.... but it takes so much effort to smile... to talk... I've managed to keep my job... barely... but I can feel that slipping out of my grasp... I have this simple part time retail job and it's agony to get myself to go. I feel so much anxiety when I'm there... But I'm holding on.. because without a job I'm afraid I will lose it even more.. and at this point that would be a dangerous thing. My meds aren't working... therapy not working... NOTHING IS WORKING... I am miserable... and don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.... I pray and pray... but that doesn't seem to be working either... I'm lost.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 8/21/2009 5:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry you are feeling so down.  The way you are feeling reminds me of how I felt when I was in high school.  As I look back to that time, I realize that I was going through a deep depression.
If your medications and therapy are not working, maybe you need a change.  Medications are so personal to the individual; what works for some may not work for another.  And when it comes to therapists, you may need to try several before you find the right one for you.  I have done both of these things (tried different meds and gone through several different doctors before finding what worked best for me); I'm sure many others will tell you they have done the same.
Don't give up; there is help out there.  This site alone can give you a lot of support.  But I would definitely look into making some changes if current meds and therapy are not working.
Feel better and keep on posting.
Diagnosed with: seizure disorder in 1962; seizure-free since 1969, anorexia from 1968-1969; IBS-D in 1996, Mild depression, anxiety, & OCD in 2000, (probably had since childhood); PMDD in 2001, Dysfunctional tear syndrome in 2009; Meds: Phenobarbitol, Paxil, Allegra; Supplements: Citrucel tablets; many vitamins, minerals & herbs - too many to list here

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/21/2009 5:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  I am so sorry to hear you are in a bad place right now. I would make an appointment right away to see your Physician as well as discussing a different form of therapy.
Trust me you are a good person, a good friend, a good  daughter and sister, and a good  girlfriend.  Your mind is messing with you and you are a person with depression.  I have had depression for 27 years and I have been in that dark hole more then once where you cannot see the light but keep moving is there.

When your fears have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them. Instead of focusing on doom, stay in the moment. Give yourself breathing space. Consider what matters to you. Establish a few manageable goals, then take small steps toward achieving them.

Please know coming here is a wonderful and courageous step.  Stick with us and we will support you.

I wish you peace,



Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40397
   Posted 8/23/2009 1:23 AM (GMT -6)   

Isthisunique gave you some very good advice. There are so many different things that we can do on our own to help us feel better. Thanks Unique for the wonderful advice.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 8/23/2009 1:24 AM (GMT -6)   

I wish you felt better. I know what it feels like to be consumed by intense dread for so long that you become physically drained. As mentioned above, staying in the moment can be your saving grace. Try to focus intensely just on your breathing and do not let any thoughts/analysis in while you are concentrating. Soon you may be able to feel relief from your mind and emotions, and may even feel calm. If you can accomplish this, do it as many times a day as you can. This will help build your strength back and allow you to feel moments of connectedness to life and your friends/family again. Also, try eating well, and even try to get yourself excited about dishes that you really like.

From your post, it sounds like you have not lost your job, so do not try to deal with that hypothetical reality before it even occurs. I know you said its hard to smile, but try as much as you can to smile at everyone at your place of work, and possibly, after a while, you may start to mean it. In reality, you will actively be decorating your surroundings there with your grin, and people will reciprocate.

The doom you feel right now is not the way things really are. Life is beautiful, I swear it is. Those of us that suffer from depression are just burdened -- at some times more than others -- with a very ugly screen that inserts itself between us and the way things really are. I really hope you can poke some holes through that screen soon and eventually tear it apart.


"Even when the sky is heavily overcast, the sun hasn't disappeared. It's still there on the other side of the clouds." - E.T.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 8/26/2009 8:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I too am sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed. I have been there many times myself. I too have found that taking some deep breaths throughout the day can be extremely helpful if practiced on a regular basis.It calms me down and give me a brief bit of clarity in the midst of the storm. I am continously learning how to be mindful of my pain without being critical or judgemental. Hang in there and taking one moment at a time.

Many Blessings,
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