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Gregak
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/22/2009 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
where do I start, I'm a 32 year old married father of two. the reason that I'm here is because I need some help. A few months ago I made the decision to leave and get an appartment. the reason I made that decision was because I mentally broke we were having financial problems and I felt that I couldn't be the husband and father that I was suposed to be. during that time away  but I couldn't do it I kept thinking about the mess and the fact my family would have to identify me. so some time went by and I made the second attempt this and fortunatly for me all i did was sleep until the next evening don't ask how that didn't work. in the meantime my wife  was doing everything to get me back and because of my depression I kept pushing her away because I felt she nor my kids deserved to be held back by me I couldn't seem to do anything right so thats what led to my bad decision. well when I woke from my "nap" I came to the realization that everyone has problems and I need to work on the instead of giving up ,so I came home. well let me say that there wasn't a warm welcome from my wife she said that I damaged her so much that she has mentally detatched from everything including our kids. she has started a new job and is diving head first into it and not giving any effort to her and I or our family. Now I know that what I did was irreprehensable and I cant take that back but I've made up my mind to be the husband and dad that is loved and adored by his family and returns the favor. I've told my wife several time that I was an idiot and that I'm sorry I tell her every day that I love her, diong things around the house that i have let slip by, and the only response I get is that she thinks I'm being fake, I can not stress enough that I am not being fake I feel that I was lacking alot and I'm making a change be more receptive and involved, well I 'll finish this post later I have some errand to run feel free to coment and I'll be back
 
I am sorry for the edit, but we are not allowed to talk about suicide on this forum. 

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/22/2009 10:08:49 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 8/22/2009 9:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

I am sorry for your situation. And I am sorry that I had to edit your post. In depression resources, there are some numbers and sites that you can check out if you ever feel suicidal again.

I can understand how your wife feels, because she feels that you left her. So try to understand that. I am sure that she still loves you, she is just angry right now.

Are you going to any counseling or taking any antidepressants. That would really help you right now. You would get the support that you need and be able to cope. So please seek help.

I hope that things work out for you and your wife and that you are feeling better soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 8/23/2009 4:12 AM (GMT -7)   
hi gregak. i am jamie, male and 37. it is very good that you have realised that things were bad for a bit. agree with karen, the significant other is angry, i feel that a mens support group would be of benefit to you. your doc may well know of respected services in your community, and it would be good to have a chat about things also. you have done well in posting here at the hw depression forum. i admire your courage, keep being courages for you and your family. with healing compassion. jamie
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

KGood
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 8/24/2009 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi, Gregak,

As the wife of a man who has walked out on me numerous times, I can relate strongly to how your wife must feel.  She feels abandoned, angry, and even rejected.  In my husband's case, it's less about depression and more about inability and/or unwillingness to deal with conflict.  I view his walking out on me as not being true to his marriage vows concerning being there "in good times and in bad."  I have felt so much anger and resentment for the times he has done this to me and have had a difficult time overcoming the resentment.  One thing that makes it harder for me to get past these incidents is the lack of remorse from my husband and the blame that ultimately gets put on me. 

But the good thing about you is that you came back.  And not only did you come back, you apologized and tried to make it up to her rather than make her feel it was all her fault that you left.  You have taken responsibility and are truly trying.  That says a lot.  I know it must be extra difficult since you are already dealing with depression issues.  I hope you can work through that with therapy, medication, and this HW site.  There is a lot of support here.

In the meantime, just continue trying to work on yourself and do the things you've been doing in terms of responsibilities around the house.  Surely, at some point, your wife will see that your intentions are real and sincere, not fake.  I admire you for doing what you are doing, especially since you are dealing with depression on top of everything else.


~Karen
Diagnosed with: seizure disorder in 1962; seizure-free since 1969, anorexia from 1968-1969; IBS-D in 1996, Mild depression, anxiety, & OCD in 2000, (probably had since childhood); PMDD in 2001, Dysfunctional tear syndrome in 2009; Meds: Phenobarbitol, Paxil, Allegra; Supplements: Citrucel tablets; many vitamins, minerals & herbs - too many to list here
 
 
 
 


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 8/25/2009 2:47 AM (GMT -7)   
well put karen. and thank you for sharing your experiences. healings. jamie. and that took some courage from you too. with compassion. jamie

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 8/25/2009 12:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope today finds you feeling better and that your days will continue to get brighter.  I really cannot think of anything to add except try not to be so hard on yourself.  If you are truly trying to do the right thing, than everything will work out as it is suppose to, maybe not always as we like.  I read a quote one time that said "Hard times should not send us into depression but into action."  When things get really bad for me, I try very hard to concentrate my thoughts and efforts on a way to resolve the situation.  Easier said than done, but well worth the effort.
 
Gem

KGood
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 8/25/2009 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks, Jamie,

You are always such an encouragement.  yeah   And Gem, that quote is worth remembering. 


~Karen
Diagnosed with: seizure disorder in 1962; seizure-free since 1969, anorexia from 1968-1969; IBS-D in 1996, Mild depression, anxiety, & OCD in 2000, (probably had since childhood); PMDD in 2001, Dysfunctional tear syndrome in 2009; Meds: Phenobarbitol, Paxil, Allegra; Supplements: Citrucel tablets; many vitamins, minerals & herbs - too many to list here
 
 
 
 


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 8/25/2009 6:33 PM (GMT -7)   
cheers karen!! excellent info gem, spot on qoute too!! love it. jamie. smilewinkgrin
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