Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/23/2009 2:18:15 PM (GMT-6)
I have been a needy, dependent person my whole life. I went from living at home with my parents to living with my husband after I married him at the age of 23. I am 56 now. If there's one thing I have learned (and worked hard at overcoming over the years) it's that men like women to be independent and self-sufficient; they don't like us to be too needy or possessive.
As I mentioned, I have been working so hard at achieving independence for many years now. When my husband travels, I look at the experience as an opportunity to show myself how much I can do on my own and how self-sufficient I can be. I am surprised at how strong I can actually be and how much I can do by myself.
I know this isn't exactly the same as what you are talking about; but it is similar. The only experience I've had that comes close to yours is my past experience with girlfriends when I was younger. I was very possessive of them and very jealous if they wanted to branch out and have other friends in addition to me. I probably lost some friends because of that. Now I make a point of not being that way. I have several good friends who are also friends with other people. And it doesn't bother me a bit. I've just resolved that I will not be that way anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all need to strive for independence (including and especially me!) It makes us happier, more carefree, and more attractive to other people. I hope I haven't offended you or hurt your feelings with anything I have said. I'm just trying to share my experiences with dependency and possessiveness that I have had in the past and have tried so hard to overcome. Interestingly, I am actually a loner-type myself; but still have struggled with neediness, possessiveness, and dependence. Seems like an odd combination, doesn't it?
Post Edited (KGood) : 8/23/2009 9:05:54 PM (GMT-6)
The therapy recommended most often for Obsessive Disorder is CBT.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations, and events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to feel / act better even if the situation does not change.
There is a free online CBT program that you can work through from your home and go at your own pace. I have worked through this program. It may seem like it is for college students but once you get past the first part you will come to find this program very helpful.
Here is the link for the Mood GYM
I understand your fears of losing this man who is so important to you but he may just need a little space as he is perhaps feeling overwhelmed from the death of his wife and not able to be the supportive one.
Keep reminding yourself you are a good person and let go of the possessiveness. You can do this and you will be alright.