It just gets harder to get up everyday.........

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VeeBee112
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 8/23/2009 4:51 PM (GMT -7)   
 
  Today would of been my daughters 2nd birthday I lost her when I was 7 months pregnant. I think about her everyday i still cry for her everyday. It was the most traumatic experience in my whole life, i still have nightmares. I find i cant sleep most of the time n when I do I always wake up after 2-3 hours n just start thinking again. Most of the time I just wish I could end it all an just be with my beautiful little angel. Most of the time I cant get out of bed, if i go out i get paranoid and dont want be around people because I can just starting crying especially if i see little babies. How do u get past feeling so empty and ripped off?

tenderofheart
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/23/2009 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think you ever get over the feeling of being ripped off, I haven't lost a child but did lose my husband very unexpectedly back in May. I realized I was depressed and went to the drs explained what had happened and how I was dealing with it. I am not sure if you have tried going to the drs and getting on some anti depression medication but if you haven't I hope you will consider this suggestion

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18771
   Posted 8/23/2009 6:33 PM (GMT -7)   
hi veebee. so sorry my dear. i understand. my lady died in my arms almost 3 yrs ago. just celebrated her b/day last week. i cried for almost six months, we all grieve in different ways, there is no right or wrong way. the pain eases, albeit now i focus on her, us and the beautiful memories. with loving compassion. jamie
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

VeeBee112
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 8/23/2009 10:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you to every1 who has been supportive i didnt think there was people out there that would give a crap but thank u all so much your kind words they have been helpfull.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18771
   Posted 8/24/2009 1:24 AM (GMT -7)   
we care, so i hope you will stick around with us. jamie

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 8/24/2009 3:34 AM (GMT -7)   
jaime there is no right way to grieve you just do. and you are grieving still. have you tried a counselor it may help. i dont have depression although i do get sad sometimes but my mom has depression so sometimes i visit this page just to see what others suggest for depression and pass some advice to her. my sister has lost a couple of babies, her first at fourteen, and it is tough but you should have a support structure and talk about your little girl. that could help. i am sorry you lost your baby and i am sorry it is so rough on you but you need to find a way to move on(i know easier said then done) cause your baby would have wanted that.she wouldnt want you to be unhappy. good luck and i hope things get easier and if you need help there is always someone to listen to you

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18771
   Posted 8/25/2009 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
thx worriedgirl. i have received the counselling i need. thx for your support, jamie.

VeeBee112
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 8/29/2009 3:36 AM (GMT -7)   
WorriedGirl if i could move on i would all i have done is work my ass off since i lost her an then 4 months ago i lost my job and now i have nothing and all i do is think about my little girl i held my baby dead in my arms and looked into her little face. And the whole labour i hoped the doctors were wrong an all i got was bullcrap from the hospital i still dont have any closure and im pissed off at them. I give my bf so much crap because i feel like crap all the time an that makes me feel worse and all he ever does is help me where ever he can but i just cant control myself somtimes an i get so angry. I find it hard to see a counsellor or any1 like that because had 2 bad experiences when i was young my whole life has just been one **** up after another excuse my language just no other word for it if it wasnt my parents ruining my life with there drug habbits it was getting picked on its been abuse my whole life and you know what eventually i just wont care anymore because u can only take so much befor it just pushes you to a limit where u ant go back i hate the person i am now i was never angry i was so trusting an open minded an a go with the flow kind of person an now im just so withdrawn an i dont sociallise much I hate every1 an everything most the time i dont even want to get out of bed.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18771
   Posted 8/29/2009 4:42 AM (GMT -7)   
veebee, heaps of battles. you can change yourself, i understand that with deep depression that you couldn't give a crap at the moment. just wanted to say that things do get better in time, i too have been down some dark roads. please remember that you are a human being, with talents and gifts unique to only you. you deserve understanding, healing, time and compassion. please advise if i can be of any help. always here for you.
 
with loving compassion. jamie

VeeBee112
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 8/29/2009 4:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Jaimee,

I just dnt get how one persons whole life can just keep going wrong when all i have ever done is ty an be a good person an i attract the wrong kind of people who are fake an in im the one who gets ****ed over in some way. my parents my partnrs my so cale riends i hardly trust any1 anymore i just want the old me bak.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18771
   Posted 8/29/2009 5:11 AM (GMT -7)   
i feel you need a new focus, toxic people=toxic results. toxic thinking=toxic behaviour. what is it about you that requires change? this is the question you need to ask yourself. keep strong and safe. jamie

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 8/31/2009 10:31 AM (GMT -7)   
VeeBee112 said...
WorriedGirl if i could move on i would all i have done is work my ass off since i lost her an then 4 months ago i lost my job and now i have nothing and all i do is think about my little girl i held my baby dead in my arms and looked into her little face. And the whole labour i hoped the doctors were wrong an all i got was bullcrap from the hospital i still dont have any closure and im pissed off at them. I give my bf so much crap because i feel like crap all the time an that makes me feel worse and all he ever does is help me where ever he can but i just cant control myself somtimes an i get so angry. I find it hard to see a counsellor or any1 like that because had 2 bad experiences when i was young my whole life has just been one **** up after another excuse my language just no other word for it if it wasnt my parents ruining my life with there drug habbits it was getting picked on its been abuse my whole life and you know what eventually i just wont care anymore because u can only take so much befor it just pushes you to a limit where u ant go back i hate the person i am now i was never angry i was so trusting an open minded an a go with the flow kind of person an now im just so withdrawn an i dont sociallise much I hate every1 an everything most the time i dont even want to get out of bed.
im sorry if my reply came out wrong. i didnt mean anything by it. i just meant your little girl would want you to be  happy. i know in a sense what you going through with your parents, my mom was a drug addict and alcoholic and i still deal with it everyday. she may not be drinking and drugs but her illness now controls her(she has hep c and cirrhosis) and makes her a mean person sometimes. i also got picked on throughout my whole middle school and high school years. i had the whole middle school on me cause one girl thought it would be funny to tell the school i called them the N word(a word i never use) and even the vice principal was on it.
You need to get counseling and try to get closure, which is all i meant by moving on i am so sorry i came off wrong. if you have to go talk to the doctor who delivered your little girl and get answers on what happened. you can also get your medical records which also should have some info on the delivery.
with your parents you need to learn from their mistakes and try to move on and become a better person. it is hard trust me i know all the feelings associated with this, hence why i come and try to help out. it is draining dealing with the faults of the parents and they have no clue the pressure and the pain they put on us and it is easy to sink lower and lower but you need to rise above and be who you are.
you are a wonderful person who deserves to be happy. your boyfriend is a wonderful guy it sounds like so let him help you, dont push him away. tell him how you are feeling. chances are the baby you lost he is feeling the pain to and you two can help each other. be strong and take control of your life, you will be happy if you do.

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 9/1/2009 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   

I cannot imagine such a loss.  I do hope in time you can get passed all the feelings that are boiling inside you now. As a young woman I was always so eager to please people and help people that I also attracted the "users", people that did not treat me very well.  Now that I am older, I realize I do deserve to be treated well, I am a good person and if I have far fewer friends but know I can trust them, than that is OK.  I hope soon you can get to a good place about what happened and yourself and enjoy life again.

Peace be with you today and always.................

Gem 

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