WorriedGirl if i could move on i would all i have done is work my ass off since i lost her an then 4 months ago i lost my job and now i have nothing and all i do is think about my little girl i held my baby dead in my arms and looked into her little face. And the whole labour i hoped the doctors were wrong an all i got was bullcrap from the hospital i still dont have any closure and im pissed off at them. I give my bf so much crap because i feel like crap all the time an that makes me feel worse and all he ever does is help me where ever he can but i just cant control myself somtimes an i get so angry. I find it hard to see a counsellor or any1 like that because had 2 bad experiences when i was young my whole life has just been one **** up after another excuse my language just no other word for it if it wasnt my parents ruining my life with there drug habbits it was getting picked on its been abuse my whole life and you know what eventually i just wont care anymore because u can only take so much befor it just pushes you to a limit where u ant go back i hate the person i am now i was never angry i was so trusting an open minded an a go with the flow kind of person an now im just so withdrawn an i dont sociallise much I hate every1 an everything most the time i dont even want to get out of bed.
im sorry if my reply came out wrong. i didnt mean anything by it. i just meant your little girl would want you to be happy. i know in a sense what you going through with your parents, my mom was a drug addict and alcoholic and i still deal with it everyday. she may not be drinking and drugs but her illness now controls her(she has hep c and cirrhosis) and makes her a mean person sometimes. i also got picked on throughout my whole middle school and high school years. i had the whole middle school on me cause one girl thought it would be funny to tell the school i called them the N word(a word i never use) and even the vice principal was on it.
You need to get counseling and try to get closure, which is all i meant by moving on i am so sorry i came off wrong. if you have to go talk to the doctor who delivered your little girl and get answers on what happened. you can also get your medical records which also should have some info on the delivery.
with your parents you need to learn from their mistakes and try to move on and become a better person. it is hard trust me i know all the feelings associated with this, hence why i come and try to help out. it is draining dealing with the faults of the parents and they have no clue the pressure and the pain they put on us and it is easy to sink lower and lower but you need to rise above and be who you are.
you are a wonderful person who deserves to be happy. your boyfriend is a wonderful guy it sounds like so let him help you, dont push him away. tell him how you are feeling. chances are the baby you lost he is feeling the pain to and you two can help each other. be strong and take control of your life, you will be happy if you do.