What can I do???

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

OneWorriedHusband
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/24/2009 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone.  My name is Mike and I have been married to my wife for nearly ten years now.  We have two beautiful children - one 7yo and a 2yo.  In the last month my wife has been going down an emotional whirlpool.  She, as of yesterday, tells me she is not in love with me anymore and that she feels like she is incapable of feeling love or any other emotion.  For the last week she has asked for time and space so I have been staying at a friends apartment.  She tells me that she is so uncomfortable around me because she sees the pain in my face and it makes her feel guilty for causing the pain.  She did say that ideally she wants to be in love with me.  Has no desire to see our marriage end or break up our family.  However, each day gets more and more difficult.  It is breaking my heart.  I do whatever I can to be there for her.  I got her to go to the doctor to start finding a way to treat some the ailments she pocesses.  She actually begins seeing a counselor today.  I am reaching out to those husbands who have stayed the course and have made it to the end for any insight on what I can do to ensure I do not do anything that might jeopardize my future with my family.  Not tucking my kids in each night is painful.  Not being able to kiss/hug my wife hurts.  She has become unaffectionate.  She has become distant.  She was such a compassionate, loving, caring chirstian woman but now she thinks everyone is judging her, that she is disappointing everyone, and that she needs to be alone.  What can I do to get back into her life so that I can assist in the healing process?
 
Thanks in advance.  Mike.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/24/2009 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello Mike,

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you on your first visit to Healing Well! To help you get the most out of the Depression Forum please take the time to browse our threads.  I know we have several on the board posted by others in the same situation as you are.  

I am sorry you are having a difficult time right now. 

Here is a link to one of the other threads you my find helpful.

 http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=19&m=1570804

I would also recommend that you take care of yourself and perhaps therapy would help you through this sad time.

Again a warm welcome to HW.

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 8/24/2009 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Kitt, taking time for yourself and counseling would be helpful and supportive. We do have a lot of other people in relationships that are like yours. I hope that you read the link that she posted so you can get a grip on what others are going through. These are trying times, hang in there. It is wonderful that your wife has started counseling, I am sure that this will help your situation.

Best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


OneWorriedHusband
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/24/2009 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
I have read a bunch of them and thanks. They are all similiar in some ways and not in others. We live (attempt to live) a faith based lifestyle. We want to believe that God will deliver us from this but it has gotten so hard. She is not currently medicated and it is not something she seems interested into looking into. Must couples/husbands are fortunate enough to stay home and does this together with their spouses but I find myself on the outside looking in. If I went home she would leave and have no where to go except to stay with folks who would not be of great support. How do you deal with hearing all the negativity and not taking it personal. She will be with the counselor in about 2 hours. I am praying for some sort of break through where she can at lease stand to be around me. This truly sucks.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 8/24/2009 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
You have to learn to over look the negativity. This is all a part of the depression. You feel hopeless. Everything seems negative. But now that she is going into counseling, things will change. Not over night though. It takes time. So there is a slightly long road to recovery. Be patient, if you can. Have faith that things will work out for the best. Keep posting, as we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


OneWorriedHusband
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/24/2009 9:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen. I hope you are right. I will post later if she lets me in on what happened with counselor today.

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 8/24/2009 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Heeja Mike,

First of all, I am sorry to hear what you and your wife are going trough. The real problem with depression is that there isn't a medicine for it, or a cure that will always work. It is different for everyone, and therefore it is hard to know what the right thing to do is. Personally, I would prefer someone to accept what I am going trough. I mean, someone saying "Hee, I love you and want you to be better!" isn't really helpful. I still believe that people who are depressed want to get out of it :-) (not a very odd assumption I hope). So telling them to get out whilst they are trying isn't a good thing to do in my opinion. However, showing that you care about that and are willing to help them in their quest to get out is a helpful thing.

So, showing her that you care by trying to as supportive as you can be, whilst accepting the situation she is in, would be my advise. However, I must warn you I am a 19-year-old guy so not really comparable to your wife :-). Maybe she is totally different. Though genuine love (in: wanting the best for her) is never a bad thing.

Take care my friend!

Erik
Moderator on the Depression Forum

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.
Perfection is found in everything being as you want it to be. Have no expectations, and perfection will be inevitable.

Post Edited (enWayen) : 8/24/2009 10:59:04 AM (GMT-6)


Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 8/26/2009 5:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey first of all beleive me I know what you are going through. I have been maried to my wife for 9 years and have a 3 year old son. I to have a faith based relationship so I can relate to what you are saying . The hardest thing is to not take her moods and feelings personally . I would want to get mad but that would be like getting mad at a diebetic for not producing enough insulin. I try to stay upbeat when I am around my wife but sometimes it is hard. I can say that I have really reflected on myself and have seen areas of my life that I am able to be a better husband. You said you were faith based so I will say this [ Love in its true pure form is not self seeking , but is the ability to love someone even when not being loved back ]. It may be the hardest thing we will ever have to do but it is the right thing to do in this situation . I know with myself my instinct is to try and fix things and to push harder but it is the wrong thing to do with a depressed spouse. I had read when I first started dealing with my wifes depression that like 90% of marriages with a depressed spouse ended in divorce . I was really disheartened but then as I researched this figure I found that the marriages ended when the non depressed spouse bailed out. Be there for your wife , try not to take it personally [ easier said then done], and be happy because she is seeking proffesional help. You are in my prayers...Cowboy Up

OneWorriedHusband
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/26/2009 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much CU. I think we are for sure in similar circumstances. She did go to a counselor on Monday and what was supposed to be a one hour meeting lasted 2 1/2 hours. She said that it felt good to talk to someone who didnt know her and that she said it is obtainable but it will be a long journey. She asked her to enroll in two classes offered by the church. A wednesday night class focusing on healing and one on Sunday morning about Spiritual understanding. She has agreed to do both. It is very up and down right now. Some days she seems to be happy and just a second later locks up shop and stares out into nothing. Through some discussion with her she has admitted to having unsettled past emotional scarring that she has dredged up and is allowing to dictate her feelings. I told her that Jesus stands before your past and blocks its way but she isnt receiving things of the Spirit right now. I spent the whole day with her yesterday and it was good. Unfortunately I had to leave towards the end of the night because she still desires space and time alone. I will not bail.. I wil fight for my marriage.. Let no man tear asunder what God has put together. This is my battlecry. I just wish I could crach her defenses and get invited back into the home. I miss my kids something tremendous. Thanks all. Mike.

Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 8/27/2009 4:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Mike feel free to email me if you ever need to or have any questions. I do go for days at a time where I dont get on the computer because this is my busy season but will get back to you as soon as possible. CU
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 10, 2016 1:58 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,780 posts in 301,335 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151435 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Manny222.
140 Guest(s), 4 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Heatheranne87, Job_the_Phoenix, Lymiemomster, Steve n Dallas


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer