I just can't get any better.

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Ghostwriter
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/27/2009 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I've been suffering with depression for almost three years. I don't know what started it exactly, but I am very positive that it has to do with my mom.
 
When I was seven, we were in a bad crash that really hurt her. Then, she got sick three years ago. Very sick. She could barely get up and take me to school most days. I almost failed that year because I wasn't able to show up half the time and I had nobody to help me with my homework. (My dad lived in another state because of his work) She got very mad very quickly about things, but I didn't say anything because she was sick and I figured she was frustrated with it. My mom called me stupid for almost failing.
 
She has really done nothing but damage my self-confidence since. I told her that I wanted to go into journalism, but she told me that it was stupid, that I needed to be a doctor to make fat money to support her in her old age. Then, she yelled at me about how I am the worst writer in the world, even though she has never taken the time to even read anything I've written. It crushed me really hard, and I haven't been able to write a sentence since. Even though everybody else tells me that my writing is actually very well.
 
No matter what we are doing, she always finds a way to put me down and make me feel like crap. I tell her how I feel and she screams about how I blame her for everything that has gone wrong with my life. If I cry for any reason, she rolls her eyes and tells me to shut the hell up, she doesn't want to hear it. She has threaten to beat the crap out of me if I forget to do things. Just recently I've moved in with my dad. I got better, but she came back. Again, everything began to fall appart. When my dad and I dropped her off at the airport, he quietly told me that she wasn't coming back and wanted a divorce.
 
At first, I was pretty happy. I felt excited that I could finally overcome my depression. Then, it came back. I really love my mom, but I just couldn't take the way she treated me. Whenever I tell her that now over the phone when she calls, she just gets all upset with me about how I hate her and don't miss her. I really do. I need her. I'm fourteen, almost fifteen and I NEED my mom in my life. I just can't live with her, and I can't live without her. We just can't get along, and she refuses my dad's suggestions on therapy for the three of us. I don't know what to do. I know I can never fully get over my depression without repairing our relationship.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 8/28/2009 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   
It sounds like your mom's behaviour is stressful to you. You have school to worry about now and growing up. Can you stay with your father until you are out of school? I am not saying that your mom is a bad person, but it sounds like you are her scapegoat. So for your own sanity, I would stay with my dad atleast until I had things stable at school. Have you taken any writing classes? How did you do? That would be your answer to how good your writing is.

I hope that things work out for you.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/28/2009 2:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello WorriedGirl,

Karen makes great sense.  If you are now living with your Dad and you are happy there then you will need to keep on living your own life away from your Mother.

It sounds to me if I read correctly that your Mom is critically ill and does need compassion in her life right now.  What happened between the two of you is over and you are safe.  Seeing a good therapist to discuss your earlier childhood is a good thing.  I finally went to therapy and was able to work through my childhood and bring the memories forward .  I learned that I was never a bad, stupid or worthless person but a victim of having these believes make up my core values when I was between 5-17 years old.  I believed my Step Mother must be right to call me names, but I learned she was wrong about who I really was.

I worked very hard in learn to believe in myself and now am able to accept that I am the only person that can cause me to feel good about myself. I believe in me.

I hope you do well with your Dad,

Take care,

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

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