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Littlesrebel
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/29/2009 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 8/29/2009 10:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Littlestrebel,

I eventually had to stay away from my parents due to verbal abuse and manipulation. So I understand where you are coming from. You would probably feel a lot better if you did stay away. Try it for a while anyway and see how you feel. You are not incompetant in any way. Remember that you are a wonderful person.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


59sunflower
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/30/2009 12:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh my littlestrebel,
I truely feel for  you. You mentioned you are married, lean on your spouse for support thats what they are for, along with friends, if you can't rely on family then rely on them. It sounds like your parents have been using you for a punching bag for most of your life. Love yourself, learn to put you first, you can survive with out them for someday they will be gone and you will go on with your life. I was in an abusive marriage and I went for counseling, it helped me get out of that situation and start a new better life. Please if you do nothing else try counseling, they will teach you how to be assertive, how to start healing and where to turn for guidence and support when you need it. Do not try to handle your parents on your own. They are two and will gang up on you. You need to rebuild your self esteem, self worth and become strong and confident, it is possible, I did it and you can too. If counseling is something you can't afford then read books, take advantage of your clergy at your church, crisis lines, and any support groups in your area. You sound depressed, seek treatment, I did and it helped so much, surround yourself with those who love and support you and you will get through this. Please don't try to do it all alone. Keep in touch, I am sure everyone here will give you as much support as you need. I certainly will. My best wishes for your future, keep in contact. Blessed be!

Blessed are the animals, they give love & affection unconditionally.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/30/2009 7:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Littlestrebel,
I found that therapy was the one thing that helped me the most.  I went through verbal abuse and emotional abuse being raised by my stepmother and then my first husband.  I started to believe that I was this awful person and if they kept saying so it must be true.
 
It has been many years later since all of this verbal abuse was dumped on me but only a few years ago that I went to therapy and learned to think about myself in a whole new light.
 
I do hope you can access some kind of counseling. 
 
There are many here that have gone through similar situations as yours.  Let go of your parents and take care of you as you are a worthy person and you do deserve happiness.
 
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18772
   Posted 8/31/2009 2:41 AM (GMT -7)   
good option speaking about what is and has been happening. i admire your courage in doing so.(posting) i would strongly suggest that you keep some distance, yes journal, and stay safe. what is happening to you is wrong. remember that we are here for you. with compassion. jamie

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/5/2009 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   
little strebel said :
Taking prozac.  I wish I could not cry anymore. I hate it. It shows my weakness. In pain I cry. In sorrow I cry. I anger I cry. I can't even argue without crying. I want it to stop.
 
What are some suggestions to think of before I start to cry? To try and hold it in?
Hey Little S,
I am going to ask you to try to keep your topics re your current condition under one thread as it gets confusing for the members when you have 2-3 threads all going at once.  Youwill find you receive better response if you keep your posts together.
 
I moved your second post to this thread this AM.
 
Thanks,
Kitt

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/5/2009 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey there,

I just read your plan and I really like the coming to the forum here and talking with us but I would like to see you talk about you and how you feel and get past the blame game.

Your wrote:

"My other plan is to make a journal of what they do to me. Example what I don't like, how they put me down, situations they were violent with me"

Journaling is good but write your feelings.  And then let go of all the blame and start to heal.

Who is at fault or responsible be it the world, other people or yourself does not in any way change the fact that a problem exists.

Expecting the world or others to fix the problem won’t work thus it is a waste of energy playing the blame game.

The most successful people have learned to concentrate their energy on solving the problems and preventing them from happening again.

I wish you peace,

Kitt

 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/5/2009 4:04 PM (GMT -7)   
1. Check for open topics.  Before posting a new topic, please check to see if there is already a topic open on the subject.
 
If you have an open thread on the board and you are continuing to post about your same issues " I need support from you all." then please do not start new threads as the members cannot find where you posted what.
 
Your thread will not be moved or deleted as long as it is compliant with the rules and guidelines.
 
Kitt

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 9/5/2009 7:26 PM (GMT -7)   
First of all as a life long Roman Catholic what your parents and priest have been telling you is a heresy (and Kitt you have my permission to delete this due to it being religious I just wanted her to know:). Second, what your father did was assult and criminal restraint at the very least. I strongly suggested that you not have contact with them for quite some time.
I do think therapy will help you define better boundaries and help heal your hurt.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 9/5/2009 9:38 PM (GMT -7)   
 
I told my husband not to allow their phone calls. I called my bestfriend and told her that I will call her if they call me or want me to come over or I stupidly want to contact them again. My other plan is to make a journal of what they do to me. Example what I don't like, how they put me down, situations they were violent with me. My 3rd plan is to come to the forum for support.
 
littlestrebel, Look at how strong you are!!! You have the fist steps to a plan that will support what you need.  I am so proud of you.  I think "family" is the hardenst issue for most of us because most people value family.  We don't get to pick family and when our families are not nice people it is tough.  I agree with you compltely that you need to be away from those toxic people and you are making great plans to do so.  I like that you have enlisted the assistance of those you can trust (hubby and best friend) to support you in doing so. 
 
My best friend just walked through the door that you are going through now.  One day I asked her why she keeps initiating contact with her family.  All summer long she has not initiated contact and also has not heard from or seen her family.  She said that it has been the best summer that she can remember in a long time.  She has also noticed other benefits with the relationships around her.  There is less stress in her marriage, her kids have a happier mom so they are happier and so on and so on. 
Stay the course and if the family keeps calling you, block their number.  I am so proud of you!!

Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony
 
I refuse to define myself by my condition or the meds I take


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 9/6/2009 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry this has happened to you. The reason why we have suggested therapy is while it cannot undo what has been done to you, but it can help you define boundaries, and help with your self esteem (i.e. when you say you shame yourself and hate yourself that really worries me). Because that means you still have some healing to do. I do not want you to keep drinking the poison of your abuse by saying negative things about yourself (feeling shame and hate towards yourself if not healthy and we really want to encourage you to find a way to heal the hurt that allows you to feel that, therapy is one way to do that). I might suggest that you actually do therapy with an child abuse specialist, and that you might just need to go every week for the rest of your life to keep those negative thoughts at bay. You might need even more intense therapy.
I assume that your parents inflicted this abuse upon you, and so I strongly encourage you to maintain no contact.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 9/6/2009 9:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I told myself tonight that if I post at all, it would be to you Littlestrebel. I know that what you are going through is so hard. I believe that I posted to you before, about having to stay away from my family and start helping myself. You have to accept that fact that your mom is toxic to you. And you have to start living. One moment at a time. You do need some intensive help right now. You are in a bad place emotionally. Maybe it is time you see a different counselor. You don't have to be unhappy for the rest of your life, but you will be if you let yourself.

I have been working a lot of hours and I haven't been able to be on the forum much. But take it from somebody who has been there, you can be happy. If you really try. I don't talk about what I have been through, because I have put it behind me. And I grew from it and gained character. It is a part of life that isn't so good. But you have come this far. Keep trying.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 9/7/2009 8:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Let's put this behind you now. And work on getting better. Everybody here suffers from depression of some sort. But remember my situation. I had to get away from the stress (my family), and move forward. I know that you can do this. For your own sake.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18772
   Posted 9/9/2009 3:40 AM (GMT -7)   
  1. hey L. nearly full circle-but the past is that. i had to forgive myself first-before i could really and actually forgive those that harmed me. therapy is good, hard and sometimes it just plain sucks.......that said i have not one wasted session in over 8 yrs of intense therapy. keep strong.

 

jamie........a fighter, who accepts that my future holds many blessings........as i hope yours.

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