Feeling Empty Inside

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Kisora
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/2/2009 9:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello. I'm new here 100%, I just searched and found this place.
 
I feel empty. Its the same feeling like as if you don't feel your own heart beating. The worst thing is that before high school, I was happy and self-satisfied. I was carefree and no worries. That was 4 years ago and now I feel like there's no use in doing anything. I mean, feels like I WANT to be happy and simple and so carefree but it just seems impossible. I had high hopes a few times to events or seeing/hanging out with a friend. I get 100% positive that it'll be so much fun. But, when that time comes, I suddenly shut myself away like being quiet or not even smiling. I don't understand why that would happen when I didn't have any doubts. Its been happening since last year.
 
I'm known to think very deeply on things. Because of that I can't enjoy on something because it feels like I know the outcome so instead I just 'wait' until its over. And it saddens me because I'm like this, can't enjoy myself because instead I automatically wait until its done. Now, recently this year, I'm thinking the same way on life itself. Now I think 'Everyone dies. So, why do so much hard work and effort when no one lives forever?' I'm Catholic. But I admit, I haven't gone to Church since I left Private school years back. I question everything now even in religion. But I hate that, I'm despising my own negativity and yet I know that it's just feeding it.
 
I don't have any friends in person or near by me. I only have friends that are long-distant. They care about me and I know so. But, I just can't understand why the good people I have met are always far away. Why can't they be close? So I take a negative view on it and just feel even more alone. I feel like I'll freeze soon without some sort of affection that is close.
 
Also, I feel tired all the time. I have so much homework to do and I'm behind everyone since I'm in home schooling. I'm scared of what the future will be because it could all fall at any time for no reason. And now, I just lay back, not saying anything, close my eyes, and wait until I fade. But inside, I want to be happy but this is holding me back. What can I do? Do I have some disorder? I want to be carelessly happy, of course knowing my responsibilities.
 
I feel satisfied that I'm able to talk this out where people to simply listen. Honestly, I don't want to feel rejection or even fear it. Thank you to whom it mayever concern.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18772
   Posted 9/3/2009 3:43 AM (GMT -7)   
hello kisora. firstly i admire your courage in posting and advising us of your situation.
 
second i feel that it is important to see a doctor. i am no doctor, albeit from far away you sound like your depressed. depression is a medical issue, thus seeing the doctor will aid in receiving the right diagnosis and treatments. the doctor can rule out other things too, and or may find other reasons why you are feeling this way.
 
other things that can help are talking with someone confidentialilly, a priest, counsellor, and or nurse. please remember that you are a good person, and an insightful one also. since this situation has been going on for awhile-i recommend seeing your doctor asap. the people here at hw are wonderful people, thus more members will post soon. in the meantime, keep safe and remember that we care for you. with compassion. jamie
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 9/3/2009 6:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Heeja Kisora,

Welcome to HW, and as Jamie I want to compliment you on your courage of coming here. Acknowledging you aren't as happy what you want to be is the first step towards improvement.

First and foremost, I would advise you to talk about this with a doctor or a counselor. It could be a "simple" hormonal imbalance, something medication can cure. And if not, your doctor knows those who can be a help for you.

As you, I also think a lot, and if it helps you, I am here to discuss about those things. You say everyone dies, but I am asking you how you can be so sure? Maybe just our body's die, and we live on. And maybe not. I don't know much, but I do know that right now I am here, walking on this Earth. And I know I'd rather be happy than sad. So it is worth to try and improve your mood when you're down, as happiness is pretty important. At least to me.

As I somewhat said earlier, you can see what you are going through right now from a more positive point of view as well. You want to be carelessly happy. A nice goal to be working towards, isn't it? Nothing changes until something changes, so you have to change in order to achieve that goal. But I believe you have the proper motivation to change, and proper motivation is worth everything.

I'm sorry if I didn't help you. I hope you will find a remedy, and to be honest, I believe you will.

Take care, and all the very best Kisora!

Erik
Moderator on the Depression Forum

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.
Perfection is found in everything being as you want it to be. Have no expectations, and perfection will be inevitable.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/3/2009 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Kisora,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum. I am sorry you are feeling so sad and down right now.  I am guessing from your post you are in High School or am I wrong?
 
I will wait for your answer before I post much more.  I just wanted to welcome you and to encourage you to seek medical advice re your feelings as you may well benefit from therapy to help you learn how to manage your feelings.
 
Again a warm welcome,

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40596
   Posted 9/3/2009 7:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Kisora,

Hello and welcome to HealingWell. You have come to a good place. Everybody here is so kind and compassionate. I am sure that you are gettting and will get more good advice.

Thinking too much can bring us down. Questioning life can also bring us down. You need to take life one day at a time and live in the moment. There is so much beauty in life that we often overlook when we question so much.

Remember the beauty and stop and smell the roses when you can.

As was mentioned above. A trip to the doctor would help. Maybe you need medication or maybe you need counseling, both work well for depression. I do both. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist and I must say they have both helped me so much.

Strive to be happy. We only go around once on this earth. Ane being depressed all the time is a waste of energy and our lives.

Maybe you will make new friends that are closer by. Ones that you can see on a daily basis if that is what you want. Pay attention to the wonderful things around you, and there are many if we just look. Live in the now. Focus on what is going on at the moment instead of worrying about the future. You can do this. You are young and have many things to be thankful for.

Best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Kisora
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/3/2009 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
First I'd like to say thank you all for such a warm welcome and kind insight. It really gives me the acknowledgment that there's wonderful people in the world and all of its communities. And yes, I'm still in high school, technically home schooling program.

Last year, I was taking antidepressants and it did give me more of an energy boost but I had strong mood swings. After 6 months I decided to stop but not immediately but progressively. I have more control on mood swings. However, I still feel depressed from time to time.

Fortunately, I have quit thinking on suicide after I stopped on the pills. I just feel that its not right. But I am also scared of death since I never tried to take my own life either. Should I talk with my doctor once more about taking the pills again? I still strive to be happy in this little blue planet.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40596
   Posted 9/3/2009 9:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kisora,

I would talk to the doctor about medications and/or counseling. Both are very helpful. Make sure you let them know what happened on the last med though.

Striving to be happy as you are doing is a wonderful way to get control of your emotions. You just need to decide whether or not situations are worth getting upset over and look for the good things in life. It sounds like you are on a healing journey. Which is wonderful. It isn't always easy at times but we learn so much from it.

I really, truly wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18772
   Posted 9/5/2009 3:07 AM (GMT -7)   
yes kisora, stay on the journey. here for you. jamie
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