MY FRIENDS CALL ME GAY BECAUSE....

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SAMLORRS
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/7/2009 2:23 AM (GMT -7)   

I wore a shirt with a pink letter A on it, the background was white and dunky black designs. The background has a crown, not tiara. He said that yesterday, which was on my birthday. That really ruined my mood to celebrate. Not to deny, being called a sissy was my greatest fear. I detest people to trample on my manhood. I am not angry with him, but I just don't wish to talk to him, feel like cursing him all the time. I wouldn't want to appear petty. In addition, he told all my good friends about it...

Months ago, I guessed some gang members were offended because I used to mix with girls during breaks. They called me a sissy because of that. Yesterday, I met that gang leader again. He scolded me vulgarities as I walked past him.

What should I do? I play basketball, I am tall but skinny. I was in choir, but appear to look sporty. Why do people think that I'm a sissy?!

Edit:  I am sorry, I did not see the topic of your post.  It is not in the body of the post, my fault.

I apologize and have replaced your post.  It has been a very busy weekend on the boards.

Sincerely

Kitt

 

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 9/7/2009 4:01:02 PM (GMT-6)


Jeannie143
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 9/7/2009 6:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Samlorrs,
Sometimes people who are insecure will put down others so they can feel "better than everyone around them". They don't want to admit to their own feelings of inadequacy so they look for possible defects in others to point out and place "blame". It is a sign of immaturity and means that they really haven't grown up yet.

Real humans, the kind that you want to be friends with, build up those around them to help make their lives better. They offer friendship and encouragement, not criticism and put downs. You can't help what others say or think about you. You can only change the way you react to their meanness. Be true to yourself, hold your head up high and continue with your education so you can get out of this area and live in a better place.

When someone used to try to put me down I used to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Basically what that phrase says is, "I'm sorry that you think wrong!" I used it on an especially critical professor in college and she thought I was offering an apology! LOL! I walked away understanding what a self centered person she was and feeling sorry for her. Just hang in there and continue being a good person. Then, regardless of what others feel, you will know that you've done your best and can feel good about yourself. Just my 2¢.
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I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

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SAMLORRS
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/7/2009 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks a million! What do you think of this friendship then? The reason why I didn't want to rebut was because I didn't want people to know that was my greatest fear. I was afraid that they would attack me on my soft side.

SAMLORRS
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/7/2009 8:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I am sinking into depression because of that! How can you disregard the problems of people like that?! That's really unfair. Perhaps the next moment, someone would sink into depression because they were mourning over the death of their cat? Things that doesn't affect you may affect others, get that into your brain.

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 9/7/2009 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
SAMLORRS said...
I am sinking into depression because of that! How can you disregard the problems of people like that?! That's really unfair. Perhaps the next moment, someone would sink into depression because they were mourning over the death of their cat? Things that doesn't affect you may affect others, get that into your brain.
Im going to let this one ride because you are young and new to the forum, but do not speak to members and mods the way you just did. You want to be taken seriously here and get help? Being rude and childish will not help your cause. Respect goes both ways. When I dont get my own way, I dont go and tell people to 'get that into your brain'. This board is a place where people can feel safe, encouraged and respected. Please read the rules before you post again.
 
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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/7/2009 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Sam,

Frist of all you are not a sissy.  Lots of people are tall and thin and lots of people are short and chubby while others have the perfect shape...............I am not a perfect shape person either.  smhair    You will grow into your tall frame as you age.  Trust me on this as I see tons of tall thin boys at school where I work.

Your friend is a bully. Bullies will always exist. It is tough to deal with sometimes, but I learned to rise above it and to distinguish immature name-calling from legitimate criticism.  I was not called gay but I was called fatty  and other names. 

This person that is putting you down is not a good friend and I would really like to see you find friends you find more to your liking. 

Remember this person does not get to decide who you are,  only you can do that. 

Here are some things you can do to combat psychological and verbal bullying:

Ignore the bully and walk away. It's definitely not a coward's response — sometimes it can be harder than losing your temper. Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and if you walk away you're telling the bully that you just don't care. Sooner or later the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you. Walk tall and hold your head high. Using this type of body language sends a message that you're not vulnerable.

Hold the anger. Who doesn't want to get really upset with a bully? But that's exactly the response he  is trying to get. Bullies want to know they have control over your emotions. If you're in a situation where you have to deal with a bully and you can't walk away with poise, use humor — it can throw the bully off guard. Work out your anger in another way, such as through exercise or writing it down (make sure you tear up any letters or notes you write in anger).

Practice confidence. Practice ways to respond to the bully verbally or through your behavior. Practice feeling good about yourself (even if you have to fake it at first). Soon that confidence will become a part of who you are.  :-)

Take charge of your life. You can't control other people's actions, but you can stay true to yourself. Think about ways to feel your best — and your strongest — so that other kids may give up the teasing. Exercise is one way to feel strong and powerful. (It's a great mood lifter, too!) Learn a martial art or take a class like yoga. Another way to gain confidence is to hone your skills in something like chess, art, music, computers, or writing. Joining a class, club, or gym is a great way to make new friends and feel great about yourself. The confidence you gain will help you ignore the mean kids.

Talk about it. It may help to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend — anyone who can give you the support you need. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when you're being bullied.

Coming here and talking about your fears was a brave thing to do now know you are normal and that you have many who care about you even when your feeling down and lonely. 

If you have questions or need help let us know.   Remember a problem shared is a problem halved.

Wishing you the best,

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
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MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 9/7/2009 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Beautifully said Kitt! I second her.

Sam,
I am sorry that we had that affect on you. Unfortunately, we have had alot of people posting on here recently that do not have depression and have been the worried well. I am sure you can understand that to people dealing with the recent deaths of siblings and parents that being accused of being a sissy is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things (because you eventually take care of it, but you never get people back from being dead). But I am sure it is really important to you, and I get that being accused of being a sissy is a really bad thing in high school (Lord knows in my high school people got beat up over it). I also want to suggest that you google teen central and other teen help forums. They might have more suggestions then we do, because they deal with this more often.
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worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 9/8/2009 8:45 AM (GMT -7)   
sam see reply in your sinking into depression post.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 9/8/2009 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   
i would like to add you only get treated how you allow  yourself to be treated. stand up for yourself and dont be ashamed of how you feel and your fears. standing up for yourself doesnt show fear.

Daisysmom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 9/8/2009 10:03 PM (GMT -7)   
not that there's anything wrong with being gay...
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