i dont know where else to turn

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worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 9/14/2009 9:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry for being off topic it erased and I will be careful what I post
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are

Post Edited (worriedgirl) : 9/15/2009 6:10:47 PM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/14/2009 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Worried Girl,

You are playing with fire, I have been there and done this.........it is not going to work as it sounds to me like you are in denial if you think you don't have deeper feelings for this other man and you just want to be friends.

My best advice, let him go his own way as he has been living his live just fine as you too have been living yours with your hubby.

IMHO this is  a " can't have your cake and eat it too" situation.  Sorry to be so straight forward.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

 

 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/14/2009 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   

Worried Girl,

I have been in your position and I know it is tough to want the best of both worlds but sometimes we have to let go and I am glad you took my words in the way they were offered, as supportive and in friendship.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
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"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
DX: Anxiety, Depression, Osteoarthritis, GERD, Raynaud's syndrome, Skin Cancer and  IBS

Not a mental health professional of any kind


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/14/2009 9:30 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Worried Girl,

Here are the reasons that I would tread lightly on becoming best friends with an old love.

Reconnecting with an old flame may create excitement in your life and make you lose your perspective. This can allow you to forget what caused your break-up in the first place.

You may dream of all the good times you had with your old flame, and forget about the bad times. This may make you restart the old relationship, forgetting about your present relationship with your  spouse.
 
The feelings you once held for your old love may still be present, and despite your wish to maintain a platonic friendship, you may be unable to do so.

On the whole, an old flame is just an "old flame" - a relationship that has outlived its worth and is best left alone.

Of course these are just my thoughts and reactions and you must make your own choices after looking at renewing the friendship from all angles.  I am sure you will do what you feel is best for you. (((((Hugs)))))))

With kindest personal regards,

Kitt


Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7018
   Posted 9/14/2009 9:54 PM (GMT -7)   
If it has been a number of years and you are not very close geographically, I think the danger decreases...but overall I agree with Kitt that if you have the slightest amount of 'old times, good times' & daydreaming about this guy it's a bad idea.

For me, I am friends with several of my former boyfriends, but there were breaks of 10+ years before we became friends, we live far apart and don't email or talk that much -- ie they aren't my everyday "best friend" buddies anymore.

If you decide to resume your relationship I hope you do it very slowly, thoughtfully, and openly...don't do things together in private, always have spouses around, etc...no touching!

Remember every day that hubby is number 1 and is your closest friend. It might also be helpful to discuss this with hubby!!!!
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator
Life is far too important to be taken seriously. - Oscar Wilde, 1882


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/15/2009 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Worried Girl,

worried girl said...
i do know i will be keeping this friendship a talking one mainly for his girlfriend and my hubbys sake.
As I said before you had to make your own decision, I was just giving you my best advice.
 
Thank you,
Kitt
 

Post Edited (stkitt) : 9/16/2009 1:24:18 PM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/15/2009 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear WG,

This thread is Off Topic and not really going anywhere productive so I will request that it end here.

Thank you,

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
DX: Anxiety, Depression, Osteoarthritis, GERD, Raynaud's syndrome, Skin Cancer and  IBS

Not a mental health professional of any kind


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 9/15/2009 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I was gonna delete it anyways, I'm sorry. I appreciate all advice
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/16/2009 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you and I appreciate your understanding.

Kitt

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