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savingrace
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/18/2009 6:31 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband and I have been together for 17 years.  We have 2 kids, 12 and 7.  I started taking zoloft 6 yrs ago for OCD and mood swings.  My husband lost his job of 12 years in Jan 2009, I cold turkey stopped my zoloft in April 2009, bills have been piling up, stresses out of control, I worked 2 jobs and was worn out all the time!  Started spending more time with friends at the bar, drinking away my problems (I thought).  Three weeks ago I cheated on my husband, told him the very next day and he told me to get out.  At first this was a relief because I thought I do not have to deal with those stresses of that household anymore, but actually I found out life only was more difficult without him and how much I loved him and regretted this one time sexual encounter with somebody else.  Last week I was so distraught and guilt ridden over what I have done and the pain I have caused my family that I had a nervous break down and was confined to a mental hospital for 48 hrs.  The longest 48 hrs of my life.  However, I learned within about an hour of being there how normal and sane my life was compared to the people there and just wanted out.  This hospitalization concerned my husband because he does truly love me and when I got out he asked me to come back home.  I did and we still are dealing with the cheating issue and I know it will be a battle to get through, but in the meantime, how do I stop beating myself up, deal with the prior issuess and stresses we had, continue to be a good mama, work everyday, etc.  I love my husband and I admit I was weak and made a mistake, and that bad part is this is the second time I have done this, first time was 7 years ago and we made it.  My husband first cheated on me after we had only been married 2 years and we stayed apart for almost a year after that.  I know anybody reading this feels we are maybe just not meant to be together because of all this infidelity, but we truly do love each other and have been victims of the power that Satan can have on marriages.  Any advise on where to go from here?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 9/18/2009 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Ny best advice is to take this one day at a time. Stop worrying about the past and the future. live in the moment. Hopefully this will work itself out. Your husband sounds like he really loves you and is a patient man.

Just don't beat yourself up over this. I think if you wouldn't have been drinking that this probably wouldn't have happened. So stay away from the bars. Okay?

You made a mistake, we all do. You used poor judgement, but the alcohol probably had a lot to do with that.

One day at a time sweetie. Start fresh. You can do this and we will help you through.

Do you go to any counseling? Maybe you should see a counselor to help you. They can probably help you more than we can. But we can be a sounding board for you.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18774
   Posted 9/18/2009 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   
hi i am jamie, first, thank you for sharing your situation, the past is gone, so try not to dwell on it, it is all about the here and now. the future, well that will sought itself out. your recovery has started, agree that some counselling will be of great benefit to you. a talk with your doc may well be of benefit also. you have done well in posting here, i admire your courage. with healing compassion.
 
jamie.
 
ps people in inpatient care are just people in need of care.
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 9/18/2009 9:03 PM (GMT -7)   
savingrace said...
.  I love my husband and I admit I was weak and made a mistake, and that bad part is this is the second time I have done this, first time was 7 years ago and we made it.  My husband first cheated on me after we had only been married 2 years and we stayed apart for almost a year after that.  I know anybody reading this feels we are maybe just not meant to be together because of all this infidelity, but we truly do love each other and have been victims of the power that Satan can have on marriages.  Any advise on where to go from here?
Hi Saving Grace- im not sure if I agree that you and your huband have been 'victims' of Satan's power in marriages. As much as it may hurt, I feel the adult thing is to take responsibility for what you have done. Blaming Satan wont help your cause. I think you do need to answer WHY you have done this twice? Once- i get. Twice- thats where I get confused.
 
I am glad you told your hubby and were upfront with him, that takes guts and strength. All you can do now is put the past in the past and leave it there. Marriage counselling would be a good step as you have both been unfaithful and you need to get to the bottom of that.
 
I hope you find the inner peace you are searching for,
 
Maz XX
 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
" Why does society view illness as weakness?" (Montell Jordan)
 'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
-DX:Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Seasonal Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ, Endometriosis,PCOS, Reactive Arthritis, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania,
OCD, GERD, IBS.
-Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Prescription pain meds/anti inflammatories.
-Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
-Age:29. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14.
 
 


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 9/19/2009 11:48 AM (GMT -7)   

Each new day is a new beginning.  Wanting your marriage to work and being a good mom are great things.  My advice is to stay away from alcohol and bars.  Going out drinking with the girls is ok when you are a single person but enter spouse, work and children and I do not think they all fit well.  Being under alot of stress causes people to do things they normally would not do.  You say you had to stop medication, perhaps you need to see a Dr. and re-evaluate your medical needs.  Take care of yourself and you will be better able to take care of your marriage/family.  Let the past go, we have all made horrible bad choices, but you don't let them ruin your life, you use them to make you stronger and wiser.

A wise man once said "Happiness is your choice; how happy or how miserable do you want to be?"

I hope things lighten up for you and yours.  Have faith, good things will come.

Gem

 


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18774
   Posted 9/20/2009 2:12 AM (GMT -7)   
well said gem. and your quote from the wise man!! luv it. jamie. and to saving grace, the sun always shines, alike gem's qoute, how bright is up to you. healing compassion. jamie.

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 9/20/2009 5:21 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Jamiee my friend.  Your healing compassion wishes gets me through, you are my inspiration.

Gem


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 9/20/2009 5:47 PM (GMT -7)   
savingrace I agree with karen, drinking is not a good idea. if you really have to drink do it with your husbend and with moderation, so nothing bad can happen. they say alcohol is a depresant itself, I had to stop it for many reasons and I feel better for doing so. the second thing is to restore your relationship with your husband, since you love each other it will be possible but you will need to do some work, nothing comes easy in this life you have to work on that, I hope things will improve for you soon. don't forget to ask GOD for help, you mentioned satan influenced you, the way to fight satan is through GOD the all mighty, try getting closer to GOD and keep asking for his help, and remember to be thankfull to him for everything you already have, and you will get his help. sounds to me that you know that you are lucky and in better condition that many others, specially those in the mental hospital, seeing them made you realize how well you are doing compared to them, not that I want you to rate yourself acording to them, it's just a reminder that you have many things to be thankfull to god for, like your family, roof over your house, job etc... good luck to you I hope you find your path! remember, giving up is the easy thing, and finding what you want in life always needs work!

11. No posts of an overtly religious nature OR posts promoting religious, political, or non-profit causes.

Post Edited By Moderator (Mazfire) : 9/21/2009 1:35:55 AM (GMT-6)


thinkerfromiowa
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/20/2009 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
> I know anybody reading this feels we are maybe just not meant to be together because of all this infidelity, but we truly do love each other and have been victims


Hello, savingrace (SG from here on, to save time).

I am Bill, the Thinker From Iowa. I saw that you are a new member. I am new myself; I just joined a few days ago, and this is my first posting. But I wanted to send a reply to you.

First of all, if two people truly love each other, then they belong together. What's done is done, and it does no good to either you, hubby, or the kids to keep dredging up the past. Look at each new day and each hour and minute of that new day as an opportunity to work towards your wholeness and that of your family. Many times, I have heard the talk about the new day, week, month, year, etc., being a blank sheet of paper waiting to be written on. That is what you have.

One thing that I think would be a big help is for you and your husband to renew your wedding vows to each other. You don't need a minister, priest, or judge to do this. Every family has one special place that has meaning for them. Take the kids with you and let them be a part of your renewal. In fact, make a vow to be together and work for the future as a family while you're at it. Whether your teen-ager wants to admit it or not, he/she needs BOTH of you more than he/she might want to admit. And your 7-year-old ABSOLUTELY needs both Mom AND Dad. So vowing to be there for each other as a family might be a good way to begin the building of your future as a family.

Just one more thing -- don't beat yourself up over what happened. Let your focus be on being the best wife and mother that you can be, by the grace of God.
Don't forget, SG, that according to the old saying, the darkest hour is right before the dawn. I truly believe that. Keep us all informed as to how you are doing. You have a lot of good people in your corner.

Bill The Thinker From Iowa
 
Bill, Sorry for the edit:
 
11. No posts of an overtly political or religious nature .......
 
Limited religious references are allowed (ie. "my prayers are with you" or a brief quote as part of a larger post)
 

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 9/21/2009 7:16:06 AM (GMT-6)

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