No Direction or Passion.

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LukeB
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/18/2009 11:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,
Well, a bit of background information...
At the moment I'm feeling very alone and lost really, that's probably the best way to describe it. I'm 22 from a small town in the UK, I come from a quite a strict household with a Mum who isn't easy to talk too about emotions and such. I have one friend who I've known my whole life but I can't really talk too him as I would just feel a fool really. I spend some nights curled up in a ball going over things in my mind and it doesn't seem to get any easier, in fact it just gets worse. The fact that I go overt things in my mind I know isn't a good thing, I wish I could stick up for myself more or just be sure of myself and have a backbone but I let it build up inside myself.

Like I said, I'm just feeling really alone and lost at the moment. It just seems like everybody else knows what they want to do in life and is off doing it whereas I'm stuck in my town going nowhere, with no one to talk too and no passion for anything. Sometimes I get these moments where I think 'I would love to go back to university" or "I would really like to go abroad and do something" but them moments pass and I'm left with nothing because I don't want to do something I'm not really passionate about but what can I do... live at home till I find that something? God, I'm 22 years old, I feel like such a fool. I'm lacking direction.
I keep this all hidden from everybody with a happy-go-lucky attitude but really it's killing me inside. I just wish I could start afresh somewhere where nobody knows me but I don't think that would help, it's the inside that needs changing.
The fact I play World of Warcraft can't be helping things but surely not everybody who plays computer games feels like this...? I only really play it because it keeps my mind off how empty my life is.
I've recently got into a relationship with a woman who has such a direction and purpose. She wants to teach 5-11yr olds and is in the last year of a 4 year course at University and I'm just so worried that she's going to, as I already have, realize that I'm no good for her and I'm just going to hold her back.

This is a really random post with no real layout, i just wrote down what I thought... but I'm glad I've done it, I don't feel any better but it's a start.

Thanks,
Luke.

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 9/19/2009 4:49 AM (GMT -7)   

Welcome to HW. Can you please clarify if you are actually suffering from depression or similar? Your post was quite vague, Im not sure how to best help you, so please tell me exactly what it is you are looking for and hopefully we can better help you- more specific information would be helpful. Im not sure exactly what you want. I see that you are afraid that you lack direction and this upsets you- have you spoken to a counsellor or therapist about your feelings?

Glad to have met you,

Maz XX


 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
" Why does society view illness as weakness?" (Montell Jordan)
 'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
-DX:Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Seasonal Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ, Endometriosis,PCOS, Reactive Arthritis, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania,
OCD, GERD, IBS.
-Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Prescription pain meds/anti inflammatories.
-Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
-Age:29. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14.
 
 


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 9/19/2009 5:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Luke, Welcome!

I really do not think being 22 and not having zeroed in on your lifes direction is that unusual.  You are young and have lots of time to explore all kinds of possibilities.  I also know that one day or one incident, a positive one, can boost self confidence and from that point on things do change for the better.  Maybe you could take some classes at a Community College, just to get a "feel" for a direction/vocation that interest you.  I have always had a lot of problems with racing thoughts, going over things in my mind repeatedly.  That can really wore you out!  Maybe cultivating a hobby that will distract your thoughts might help.  Over the years I have found that if I stop thinking about something that is bugging me, out of the blue the solution pops into my head.  Relationships at your age are tough and so fragile, just take it one day aat a time and if this woman really likes you, I think it is because she sees something really good in you that you don't see in yourself.

Take care and I hope you feel better soon and good things start coming your way.

 

Gem


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/19/2009 6:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Luke,

Welcome to HealingWell. You have joined a peer support group for people with Depression or their families.

Support groups are a place for people to give and receive both emotional and practical support as well as to exchange information. People with depression , as well as their friends and families find support groups to be a valuable resource and get confirmation that their feelings are "normal", educate others, or just let off steam. IMHO joining a support group is joining a family.

I hope you will share a bit more with us so we can help you with your feelings of depression.  You will find the members here are warm and caring.

Again a warm welcome,

Kitt


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 9/19/2009 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Luke,

I do also think that it is normal for somebody your age to feel the way you do. You are young and don't know what you want to do with your life yet. I like the advice of taking things one day at a time and not thinking so much. Things will work out I am sure. As was also mentioned above, maybe a community college is a good place to start so you can get a feel of what you would like to do.

One day at a time my friend. I am sure that this will all work out for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


LukeB
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/19/2009 2:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I do apologize if my post was a little vague, I have never spoken to anyone about my true feelings, let alone posted them on an internet forum... if truth be told I am scared of them snowballing out of control. I find it hard to really be myself and let, if you like "my guard down". I'm just so unsure of myself which leads too me over-thinking things and I let things get on top of me which then leads me too being depressed and waking up at 5.30am GMT and curling up into a ball wandering if I will ever do something with my life or be someone I, and others can be proud of... or if I should just not bother.

I'm not saying I am suicidal or should be prescribed medication for my current state but it's like I am two different people; on the one hand I am this happy-go-lucky chap that just wants a laugh and too be a joker, but other times I am this self-conscious, weight obsessed, directionless and depressed person. I can't control day-in, day-out which person I will be..which is why I mentioned my girlfriend, Amy.

Am i currently being treated for depression by a Doctor? no, not at this moment in time but I can feel the low times coming more and more frequent.
I do realize that I am only 22 but I don't think that has a bearing on this as I have always had these thoughts but just harbored them deep down inside. Like i said, my family are not ones too be sharing emotions and feelings with, which is not uncommon.
The reason I decided to post was because I came across this forum, looked over a few posts and thought; here is a group of like-minded individuals who give support and guidance to people in need and at the moment I feel very much in need.

In response to Precious Gem's post (which I really really thank you for as it's opened my eyes) a hobby or a part-time course would probably serve me well.

Cheers,
Luke

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 9/19/2009 4:02 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks heaps for making that clearer for me. It can be depressing when you feel like you have not achieved anything, but you have time on your side- your age does have bearing on your situation in that you still have time to decide what it is you want to do. What are you passionate about? Could you see a careers advisor? I dont know what resources you have but here in Australia we can get career guidance and counselling.

Maybe its time to make that appointment with your doctor-  I also think that discussing your feelings with a professional (therapist/counsellor etc) would be a great way to start dealing with your depressive emotions.

So glad you found us, hope you get comfy and that we are able to help you- all the best,

Maz XX


 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
" Why does society view illness as weakness?" (Montell Jordan)
 'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
-DX:Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Seasonal Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ, Endometriosis,PCOS, Reactive Arthritis, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania,
OCD, GERD, IBS.
-Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Prescription pain meds/anti inflammatories.
-Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
-Age:29. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14.
 
 


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18751
   Posted 9/20/2009 1:52 AM (GMT -7)   
hi, i am jamie, male and 37. some things take time, at 22 i was all-over the shop and seriously unwell, yeah in the last 5-6 years i have found myself again. i beleive you will too. precious is right with a course and or some hobbies, volunteering is excellent too. i have volunteered all of my life, it has taught me much, about me, others and did wonders for my self-efficacy. try to not be too hard on yourself, and remember we care, i appreciate that you are depressed and suggest that a chat with your doctor would be highly beneficial. keep with us, with compassion.
 
jamie
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.
 
ps i admire your courage in posting and reaching out!

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 9/20/2009 5:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Luke,  You are welcome and Ditto to Jamiees post.  Don't give up or give in to negativity.  Stay positive, above all be kind to yourself.  I hope today finds you feeling alot better.

Gem turn


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 9/20/2009 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Luke,
It sounds like you have unplugged from life. While normal it is usually due to some sort of pain. So the question becomes how do you get plugged back into life? Well something that has helps some of us is to get into therapy. You said yourself that this is not something you feel comfortable talking about with family and friends, and plus it just helps to have someone who doesn't have an investment in your life to talk to. That way you do not have to worry about if this will come back on you.
Take care,
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 9/20/2009 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that the counseling is a good idea. Being that a counselor has an objective point of perspective. That is necessary I think.

You might want to get into an exercise program if you are worrying about your wieght. I find that just walking helps.

I hope that things workout for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18751
   Posted 9/21/2009 2:01 AM (GMT -7)   
ditto to walking, it really helps me to unwind, reflect and realise that the world is still out there, and moving on!! cheers for that karen, and yes good for weight, me-sugars, heart, brain, blood flow and it increases your energy as well!! actually i'm of for one. all the best to you luke, and to karen as well. hugs for ya both. jamie
 
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 9/21/2009 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Jamie,

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) to you also.

Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 9/21/2009 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
hi LukeB, I think at some point I was in your shoes, when I was 18 I didn't know what to study so my parents recommended me to study computer sciene, I loved computers anyway so I didnt object. few years later I graduated and was not satisfied with what I studied and felt confused, so I wanted to study something else! so my uncle sat down with me and convinced me that it's time to move on and start working, and if I wanted I could continue studying later. and I listened to his advice, it was nice to get some good advice from an elder with more experience, and he was right , every stage in your life requires something different and it is not good to linger too much or waste time, you should seek advice either from an elder like your parents, or uncle or other relatived or even friends. then start taking approptriate action. life is short and we should try and make the most out of it. if you have relatives or anyone who knows about work and life can help you decide what to study and what to do in life from their experience. there is many possibilaties, and you should think and plan wisly.

the other thing I want to mention is about WoW, please stay away of that game. I know it is hard but that game can be addiciting to some people. please take a moment and asses your situation , you might think that you are just filling some empty time now with that game, but it might be forcing you to stay in that state to create more time for the game, virtually stoping you from moving on in your life and finding what you want to do. seek a professional if you want help with this and if you think you might be addicted, these games can be as serius as drugs for some people. you really need to know if you are addicted to that game or it is just something that is just filling some of your time like you say. a game like that can potentially cloud your judgement, waste your time, shift your priorities. I was addicted to a similar type of game myself, it was called FFXI Online ( and two other games, namly Warcraft III and mir 2), and I was addicted really bad. it's easy to know if you are addicted or not, by counting the numbers of hours you spend on it and if you are canceling other activities such as work/friends/movies/sports. if you are doing absolutly nothing except the game then it is a very sersuis issue! in my case I was staying upto 4AM on work nights, and going late 1 hour to work on most days because of it. and canceling social activities and friends in the night and and weekend. if you want to know my full story you can click the link on my singnature. by getting rid of the game since april 2008, I am now making much better decisions in life and have clearer thinking and perspective on things. I already know I am a smart person but that game was controling me and clouding my judgement. when I even look at my old pictures durring my addiction I look like a ghost in them, I had gained wieght because I was sitting on the computer so much, this year I look so much better everyone tells me and I feel more alive. I think it will do you good to just simply quit that game completly, and find other hobies or courses that you could benefit from. you can try reading or excersize as well. or even online courses! one great way to learn is to watch online courses. if you are interested in a career in IT, try lynda.com to get videos on many IT subjects. there is other sites for other types of online courses I am sure, so if you have a lot of time either read or watch online courses and maybe you can even get a job to pay for your colleage. I even know some people who do programing and stuff like that without going to colledue, and as young as 15 or 16. good luck to you !! remember everything is possibile and all you have to do is decide what you want, but before you do that, explore what is available, so you know what is it you like, and if you don't know where to start, as I said talk to an elder or even a friend, anyway, just don't waste your time on WoW please...
Former Addict of Online Video Games ( MMORPGs ) , Sober since April 6th 2008
Diagnosed with Major Depression since 2002

Post Edited (Akram) : 9/21/2009 11:13:56 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 9/23/2009 9:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pheninfo,

Welcome to HealingWell. And to the depression forum. It sounds like the drinking losens you up and gives you confidence. Though it is a false confidence. Drinking actually causes depression. so if you are suffering from depression, the drinking will only make it worse.

Find something else, be yourself, even if you dont' open up a lot when you are sober, you can learn to.

Best wishes to you Pheninfo,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18751
   Posted 9/23/2009 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   
hi pheninfo. agree with karen. and welcome. AA is an excellent support to people with issues regarding alcohol addiction. this may be a good starting point. especially for those suffering depression. (when you are ready). healing compassion. jamie
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.
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