sad and almost destroyed!

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ealey
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/26/2009 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
i am here because i need help and advice from others! i have made the worst mistake in my life and having a hard time dealing with it! i messed with a married man and i have ended it, but i have gen herpes and i didnt have outbreaks when the fooling around began, but i am so scared i am unable to relax from it! i am crying constantly and very little appetite i cannot seem to move pass this! i have asked god for forgiveness and to let this guy be clean but i still am sick to my stomach! please help. i have never done this before and will never do it again! please help me and do not beat me up for it, ive done enough of that myself! i have been depressed over this for too long. i am not suicidel but cant relax! please help

ealey
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/26/2009 3:52 PM (GMT -7)   
i guess not many people have been through this before and i know alot of people would think what was she thinking! honestly i don't have a clue what i was thinking when this started! i guess lonely and feel people would not accept me with what i have, but makes no excuse to mess with a married man!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 9/26/2009 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Sweetie,

It is not the end of the world right now. You are just remorseful for your mistake, but quit beating yourself up over it. That doesn't do any good. And it doesn't change anything. From now on be careful. Make sure that you take your medication. And remember stress only makes it worse. Don't have sexual relations when you have an outbreak and make sure you let your partner know what you have. Use condems...

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ealey
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/26/2009 6:21 PM (GMT -7)   
ok well i never have had anything with a outbreak and did tell him i had it! i know it is cause i am remorseful for what i did! i am now getting better but a few weeks ago i was in bad shape! as far as medicine goes i cannot afford any and we did not go all the way just foreplay! but i know i will never repeat this!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 9/26/2009 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
To tell you truthfully, when you are in a relationship as you were, being with a married man, you always get the short end of the stick. Well, most always. They usually never leave their wives. And you never come in first in their lives. The family comes first. So you always end up getting hurt. And if they cheat on their wives, they will cheat on you too. It rarely ever comes out with you feeling good about it. But it is over, so learn to forgive yourself. It is okay and you are okay. You are a good person and you need to treat yourself that way.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ealey
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/26/2009 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
wow you just helped me so much. now i know he was never going to leave his wife and i dont want him too! it was more of the attention i was getting and i know it was not right! i would never be with him if they were to break up cause i know he would do this to me. there is no feelings towards him, i actually feel weird being around him! and i dont want anything else from him. but this has been eating at me for weeks and i need counseling but cant afford it! i wish i can be happier and live my life better instead of mooping around!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 9/26/2009 8:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Ealey,

You can be happy. You have it within you to do so. You are a wonderful person. Know that. And do good things for yourself. There are many good books to read on depression and cognitive behavior therapy. They will teach you how to feel better. There is one called Feeling Good by David D Burns MD. I think that you would enjoy reading the book. I read another one called Healing the Child Within. I don't know but that might help you feel better too. But the first book is really good and if not that one, there are many more. Helps with the self esteem.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 9/27/2009 12:03 AM (GMT -7)   
sorry for the situation you are facing. what happened is in the past, i understand that the symptoms are not. agree that beating yourself up will not help, try your local sexual health clinic, meds maybe cheaper and or free, furthermore so may counselling. worth looking into. my compassion to you. you have been brave in doing so. remeber this, we all make mistakes, we all are human beings of this earth, with gifts and talents unique to each one of us, it is how we learn from these that truely counts. keep being brave and strong. jamie
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

thinkerfromiowa
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/27/2009 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, ealey.

The Thinker wants to share a thought or two with you.

First, NO ONE who is worth his / her salt is going to beat up on you for what you did. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. I certainly don't think any less of you.

When my Carol was alive, we liked to watch horse races on TV. We both felt, and I still feel, that there was no more beautiful sight in the animal kingdom than to see a thoroughbred pounding down the stretch, doing what he was bred to do.

There is one fascinating thing about those racehorses. Many of them wear blinkers. That is to keep the horse focused on the race and what is ahead of him.

There are times, ealey, when we humans could stand to wear some blinkers. Right now, I think they they could help you some. What's done is done, and now you need to focus on the now and the future. You said you asked God to forgive you. He has done so; he is always ready to forgive us our shortcomings if we ask him.

Now you need to forgive yourself. Just know that there are a lot of friends who are in your corner. I'm just one of them.

You take care, ealey, and have a great day tomorrow and every day.

The Thinker

ealey
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/27/2009 8:19 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you all and thank you thinker1 i am just really touched by your message! i know i need to forgive myself but i find it hard. i have gotten better but i am taking time and my mom says because i know it was wrong and i feel guilty for it! i feel as if he gets this disease he is ruined, but its his fault as well as mine so he is the bigger blame cause he is the one who is married! i dont know i hear alot of people saying different things! so i am going to just put the past in the past and live for my future! i have a 3 year old that needs me to be more focused in him, thanks again lori

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 9/27/2009 10:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so happy that you are going to put the past in the past and focus on your three year old. That is wonderful. You are a good person. You deserve to be happy. Enjoy that little one. They don't stay little for long. One day at a time.

Bless you,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ealey
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/28/2009 5:15 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah i know he is growing way to quick and he is so adorable! i hate being sad cause it affects me with him.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 9/28/2009 6:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Sweetoe.

If you don't want to be sad, then don't be. Enjoy these years with your little one. Take many photos. Honestly, they do grow fast. Before you know it, they are heading to teen years. Right before your eyes. You are very fortunate to have such a prescious little one to love. Keep posting as we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


jujub
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10392
   Posted 9/28/2009 7:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Ealey, a lifetime of experience has taught me that our mistakes are necessary and important to us. We only ever learn from making mistakes. When everything is smooth and fine, we don't grow. Only our mistakes and bad decisions force us to grow as people.

Think of this as having been a growth and learning opportunity, and it may help you to move on.
Judy
 
Co-moderator for Ulcerative Colitis


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 9/28/2009 10:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Sweetie, God (Spirit) easily forgives us for our mistakes.  What takes so long and hurts so bad is that we do not forgive ourselves so easily.  Learn your lesson and on with your life.  about no medication, please go to a free clinic or health clinic in your area.  The above advice about reduced or free meds is correct.  Do not neglect your health.  You have to be in good shape to take good care of the precious one!  Believe me, no one here will beat you up about anything, this is a good supportive group, and have helped me through so really bad times.

I hope today the sun is shining in your world turn .  Everyone has given you good advice.  We all make mistakes, if you are smart, you do not keep repeating them.

Gem

 

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