hi there. i need a little help

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hero4hire
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/15/2009 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   
So recently i was diagnosed with depression, its been a build up of things over my life but the main reason im here is that i feel alone.
Sure i got friends and family but as im sure you know sometimes its harder to talk to the people you are close to. my grilfriend of 2 and a half years cheated on me and basically blammed it on me, telling me that she wasnt willing to be with me because i was depressed. she used me, took me for everything i had and left me when she got bored. i know most guys in my position say this but i really did give her everything, i loved that girl with all my heart. i'm finding it hard to feel like ive got anything to offer and i know its crazy but i somehow feel i've had my last chance at love.i've done counciling but i found it had a limited effect. my confidence has been rocked and i cant shake the feeling of being alone, i need help but i have no idea how to start. any thoughts? i'd appreciate it

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 10/15/2009 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi and welcome to HW. My ex-fiance cheated on me and left my world upside down. It shook my confidence and made me withdraw, so i sympathise with you in this situation. I put up a wall around me as a defence mechanism to prevent myself from further hurt or betrayal.

My suggestion to you is to see a good pyschologist, journal your feelings, focus on a hobby you enjoy, plan and set goals that you can achieve and this may well distract you from your hurt.

Also, although it did NOT feel like it at the time, my friends and family pointed out that i dodged a bullet, cos if id married him, i would have been locked into a dishonest marriage with no trust. So think of it that way- there will be a girl for you when you are ready and she wont treat you like crap, she will value you and treat you with kindness and respect which is what you are totally worthy of.

If you are interested I can post you some links here to other websites that may help you also. let me know.

All the best, hang in there- its tough now but i promise it does get better

Maz XX


 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
" Why does society view illness as weakness?" (Montell Jordan)
 'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
-DX:Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Seasonal Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ, Endometriosis,PCOS, Reactive Arthritis, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania,
OCD, GERD, IBS.
-Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Prescription pain meds/anti inflammatories.
-Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
-Age:29. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14.
 
 


hero4hire
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/15/2009 4:53 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks, im really appreciative of any websites you could offer me. its kinda comforting in a way to know im not alone in it!

thanks again!

hero4hire

Learning2fly
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 10/15/2009 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Hero! Welcome. I wish you didn't have to be here, but all of us wish we didn't. There are a lot of great caring people on this board and you will get some really good advice and help.

So, you were recently diagnosed? I see you went to counseling, but are you on any medications?

First of all, you are not worthless. I've been used by men the same way you've been used by your girlfriend. It took me until well into my 40's before I could accept all the things that I am and have a healthy relationship. My depression comes and goes, but when it does come, I have it for a long time. I'm circling the black hole right now trying to find the right meds to fix me.

Some tips that may make you feel a little better. Keep a journal. Or if you don't want to do that, write down whatever is bothering you. Then take that paper, read it and tear it into a million pieces and throw it away. It's very empowering to be able to toss stuff out of your life that way. Get some exercise every day, take a walk, go to a gym, whatever you can do. Try not to isolate yourself from your friends and family. Get out of the house whenever possible. When you talk to your counselor, be completely honest with him or her. It's the only way therapy works. If you are on medication, take it even when you start to feel better. Some meds can take up to a month to work, so you have to be really patient. Sometimes it takes a long time to find the right combination for yourself, so don't give up hope if what you start on doesn't seem to do the trick.

One thing I can tell you from experience is that you have to be comfortable with yourself and your diagnosis before you can be comfortable letting anyone else in your world. Sometimes we sabotage relationships subconsciously because we fear someone will get too close to us and ultimately let us down. Until you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you see a friend there, you can't really develop any long lasting relationships. It's hard to accept the hand we are dealt with depression. Counseling can be very effective if you open up completely to your counselor. If you haven't been to a psychiatrist yet, make an appointment asap so you can get on some medications and start feeling better. Is this a true depression or a situational one caused by your girlfriend leaving you? Sorry, I probably shouldn't have asked that since you said you were diagnosed. I'm just getting pretty tired tonight and not making much sense.

I think I'll leave it for someone else to take from here. The tips I gave above are good ones. They help me a little, or I would be in the black hole and in bed right now. Welcome to the forum and hopefully we'll see you around more. Sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I'm not at the top of my game this very minute. I really hope that you can find the help and motivation here that I have found to keep going. {{{HUGS}}} always help. Take care and I'll catch you sometime when I'm a bit more up.   

 
Major depression; Bipolar Disorder; Fibromyalgia; Spinal Stenosis; right arm and leg nerve compression; cataracts; glaucoma; IBS; RLS; hypothyroidism; B12 deficiency ... that's enough or I'll get more depressed.


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 10/16/2009 4:05 AM (GMT -7)   
been there hero. and there is light at the end of the tunnel. life is a very big learning experience. sorry that you are down, keep safe and know that you are a kind person as well. things do and will get better. my compassion 2 u. jamie
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 10/16/2009 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
CBT thread
 
Relaxation thread
 
ZEN for Everyday Living
Free CBT Online/MoodGYM 
 
E-couch Online, free
 
Teen depression and related issues
Nine.org

 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
" Why does society view illness as weakness?" (Montell Jordan)
 'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
-DX:Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Seasonal Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ, Endometriosis,PCOS, Reactive Arthritis, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania,
OCD, GERD, IBS.
-Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Prescription pain meds/anti inflammatories.
-Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
-Age:29. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14.
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 10/16/2009 7:34 AM (GMT -7)   
You have gotten some very good advice as well as some good sites to check out. I am glad that you have joined us. This is a wonderful group of very caring and compassionate members.

I hope that you keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Remember we are always here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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