I screwed up royally again.

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/16/2009 5:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I have a special someone who was my very best friend in this world. We have children together and we had a life together. We've been through some very rough spots, because this is the first real functional relationship I've ever been in. But subconciously I screw up over and over again. I lie about the dumbest things, because I worry he'll get upset over them, and I constantly feel like he's going to leave me for someone better. My confidence has dropped in myself, his trust is borderline none exsistent with me, and I have been under so much stress I feel my heart pounding at times. I'm a full time student and not doing so hot in one class I'm worried about bills, and I need to fix my relationship. I don't know if it's salvageable or not. But I need help before it's too late. How do I build my trust in myself to be able to share what I need to and what I want to without fear of being judged or left? example I lied over a stupid myspace page...and a person in my phone. I didn't even have a reason to have them. I just did. The person's number was an old friend whom I never talk to but it just looked bad. My situations are so screwy. I have never cheated on him been faithful completley, but I put my self in these precarious positions that look really terrible and then I try to get out of it get caught and look more stupid. Does anyone understand what I am going through? I don't know if I'm even making sense to myself right now, but this is how it is. I screwed up and I need advice-it not help.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40402
   Posted 10/16/2009 5:34 PM (GMT -6)   
All you can really do is start from the here and now. And be honest. One day at a time.

That is the best advice that I can think of. Honesty is the best policy.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18563
   Posted 10/18/2009 2:21 AM (GMT -6)   
agree with karen, by doing so you are being true to you. my healing compassion to you. jamie
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/18/2009 9:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Why is it so easy for others to give advice on subjects like these and yet so difficult to heed their own advice ? I say that from a personal standpoint and not in ANY way of casting stones at others.

I say that because I did almost the same thing....had numbers in my phone, relationships on a social networking site (flirtatious not sexual) and I lied to cover it all up ! What a stupid thing to do...! She loved me and I blew it !

Best advice I can give you Broken is to take each moment and find the joy or goodness in it. Moment to moment because trying to find the beauty in an entire day or weekend can be daunting, especially at this early stage, at least it is for me !

hope this helps !

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 840
   Posted 10/18/2009 9:57 AM (GMT -6)   
broken:  I am an expert with not having any self-confidence.  Have you considered meeting with a counselor...someone whom you could learn to trust and explore these issues with?  This has helped me tremendously over the years as its a great support system for me.  As far as the expense for this, you could look around for a sliding scale fee clinic so that you could afford this.
Good luck and keep posting.  We are here for you.
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