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crystalalt
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/25/2009 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. Reading the support on this site has been helpful. I've been feeling quite lonely the past few days. I split up from my husband of 26 years in August which was a good move, but difficult. Prior to my acknowledging that I was really sick in 2002, life with him was o.k., but once I got sick he emotionally left the marriage. I asked for a separation in 2003 and the therapist said, you can't leave him now, you need him. Unfortunately, she didn't get him. That was the worst advice every. The sicker I got, the more neglectful he became. In the end he was both neglectful and emotionally abusive. I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but I'm not even sure if that is correct. My pain doctor thinks my pain stems from being hit, as a pedestrian, by a car when I was in my 20's. I flew up in the air, landed on the windshield and rolled to the ground. My spine is out of alignment with degeneration throughout spine. I also have narrowing where the nerves in multiple levels in my nek. But, these findings aren't so strange. The real problem is that I have scar tissue in my muscles, and those muscles are wrapped around my nerves. Because I also am also dissociative, I was able to ignore the pain for many years -- I didn't want to be sick when my kids were growing up. Once the pain became intolerable, I sought help. My pain doctor told me I would never get better and that she didn't know how I was walking around. She thought I would become bedridden. I chose not to believe her and every day I do my own version of stretching (like yoga) and exercises from the physical therapist and from my chiropractor. For those of you who have fibro, I suggest a chiropractor who goes very slowly. My chiropractor has gotten me better enough so that i could leave my husband. (there is a new article this month on fibro and chiro). Before that, I thought I could only leave by going to assisted living. Although I look normal to people who see me. So, now I left. I left because we had moved into a new house with a lot of stairs which are impossible for me. He simply pushed the move on me when I had no strength to push back. Being out of work, and having been isolated from my illness, I feel lonely. I'm now in a run down apartment short term. I moved here so I could look for a home, which I did and will be closing on November 1st. While it's great I left my husband, I don't know how to get back into life. My illness poses most of the problems, but I need to be involved with the world. 9 years ago, i worked, volunteered, and had more energy then most people. Now, I'm glad when I get showered and make it to the grocery store. Thanks for being there. Crystal

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40575
   Posted 10/25/2009 10:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Crystal,

I am so happy that you joined us. It sounds like you are going through a lot. But you also sound strong. I have fibromyalgia too. I am sorry that you got hit by a car like that. That must have been so traumatic. But it sounds like you have bounced back and are a strong woman. I am happy for that.

You have come to a good place. Everybody here is very supporive and compassionate. I think that you will like it here.

I am wondering, it seems like your disassociative disorder comes out when you feel safe, you said that when you are alone, with a close friend who isn't scared of it, and when you are with your therapist. Maybe that is the time to try to deal with it, especially when you are with your therapist. It sounds like you do have a good support group. For that I am so happy. Take advantage of that, and try to work on the disorder.

Though we all deal with depression here, I think that sharing our experiences gives a new light on things. Though what works for one doesn't always work for another. But we get a different perspective on things when we listen to other's stories.

I hope that you stay with us. It is a pleasure to have you as part of our group. And I hope that somebody can help you with that site. Is it a part of HealingWell, or is it another site? There are many people here that aren't computer illiterate like I am. lol..

Take care my friend. Thanks for joining us.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


crystalalt
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/25/2009 9:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen. It helps to know that there is someone listening. I know you said I sound strong, and sometimes I feel that way, but a lot of the time I simply feel sad, lonely and isolated. I might "know" that these feelings will pass, but I don't "feel" like they will.

I have been working on the dissociative issues. The alters come out when I am in a lot of physical pain and/or frightened, or working through my very scary childhood. I believe I now have control as to when I will dissociate in a way that others would notice. However, in an emergency situation, there is an alter who can pretend to be me.
One would think that with all the company I have inside of me I wouldn't be lonely (that's a joke) but it doesn't work that way.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40575
   Posted 10/25/2009 10:06 PM (GMT -7)   
This is really interesting to me. I have questions, but will write at another time. My computer is in need of some help. It is running really slow. It needs ram space. And I think cleaning. The hard drive that is.

But I want to add that when we are in that dark place in depression, it does seem like it will never get better. But we see everything negative. Extremely negative, and we don't really notice anything good. Nor do we foresee anything good happening. When it still can. So when you are feeling bad, tell yourself that things often aren't as bad as they seem and that better days will come. And try to take each day as it comes.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 10/26/2009 4:15 AM (GMT -7)   
crystal, hi jamie here. welcome to the forum. you are a very strong women. got guts. from what i have read you have gone through a lot. sorry about the accident, and for your situation. you have been very courages in posting, and i hope dearly that you continue to be courages with the changes that are happening. depression sucks, and more so when it bites. we all understand this well!! please know that we are all here for you. continue being brave. compassionate healings and positivity i send to you.
-jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


crystalalt
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/26/2009 10:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Jamie, I appreciate your warm welcome and kind words. Some days I feel brave, but other days it seems to slip away. I have learned to stop looking at where I want to be, and look at how far I have come, but somedays I do not know where my courage can be found. Thank -you for easing my sense of lonliness.

Yesterday you had no wings
Today I saw them radiantly spread
and felt connected to the universe
I was no longer alone.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 10/26/2009 10:32 PM (GMT -7)   
wow crystal, that is beautiful. filled with lovely emotion.
keep fightin'. you have inspired me with your strength!!! with healing compassion. jamie scool
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


crystalalt
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/26/2009 10:41 PM (GMT -7)   
And you me. I hope you can fall asleep thinking only of all the beautiful thoughts your friends on this forum have sent you. Perhaps you will even sleep through the night. Hopefully, pleasant dreams. Crystal

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 10/27/2009 2:00 AM (GMT -7)   
hopefully. hope is a wonderful thing. i hope you to get some shut eye. thx, jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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