just a waste of space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 10/25/2009 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
cry  today i feel like i'm just a burden on everyone in my life and they all make it very clear that I'm only needed when they need the computer fixing or doing Mum and Dad's housework everyday or i'm just a lazy "cow",they go out for dinner or wherever and i never get an invite anymore!!! My daughter is 22,a drug addict since the age of 15yrs when she met the father of my 3yr old grandaughter Tahlia. The only time my daughter ring's me is when she is in trouble with the law,but other than that i'm not good enough for anybody as i dont live up to there expectations!!!! I really have had enough,I'm a waste of space and air on this earth.
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
also suffer from chronic depression which is mostly caused by my lack of hormone's.
I AM CURRENTLY ON AVANZA FOR MY DEPRESSION!!!!!!!


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/25/2009 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Rose-bud,

You are most definitely not a waste of space!!!! That's your depression talking to you. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Do you see a counselor? Do you have a friend that you could ring up and get a reality check from? Your family undoubtedly love you, but it sounds like they're doing a poor job of showing it.

Take care of yourself. Do something you enjoy -- do you have any hobbies? Be the supporting, nurturing person that you are, but don't let others walk all over you.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 10/25/2009 9:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sweetie,

Like Serafena said, You are not a waste of space. You are a wonderful human being. Worthy of love and understanding.

I am sorry for the way that your family is treating you. But you might need to learn some assertiveness so you can express things that you want and need.

Stay with us, we are here for you. We understand how you feel.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 10/25/2009 10:28 PM (GMT -7)   
you are a wonderful compassionate human being of this earth, with gifts and talents unique only to you. hang in there. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 10/26/2009 12:22 AM (GMT -7)   
confused  hi to all thx 4 ur reply's. yes i'm having a bad day again and i'm just getting tired of it all. I dont have the strength anymore to put on a happy face for my family when i really dont feel happy,so why should i keep up this stupid facade???? i live with my parents at this time due to my ill health and financial reasons. Could i ask a question to anyone that has children please? If your grown child lives with you would you charge them $120.00 per week plus i pay all my own bill's utilities ect also i buy all my own food and also give money towards the rego on my mums car. But the worst thing to me is being told by my mum that i have to do all of the housework,washing,ironing and everything else to be done on a daily basis regardless of how bad i'm feeling and if i dont do it i just feel guilty. My mum and Dad would take my last 5cents from me if they could as their life revolves around money money money!!!
And today for instance my parents went to help my sister out. while they were out i did all the housework,washing,ironing and the rest. Then when they walked in about 1/2 hour ago they just looked at me and said nothing??? I do everything in my power to do everything that has to be done and i just keep on being treated like a piece of dirt. All i want is to talk to my Mum about a few things but that's to hard for her as usual. I have a daughter but would never treat her like this ever!!!! and she has robbed me and caused alot of trouble with her drug addiction but i dont hold it against her, i just love her unconditionally........... sorry but i need to vent cry
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
also suffer from chronic depression which is mostly caused by my lack of hormone's.
I AM CURRENTLY ON AVANZA FOR MY DEPRESSION!!!!!!!


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 10/26/2009 3:08 AM (GMT -7)   
does not compute in my book!!!!!!!!! you deserve heaps better. continue posting. be strong, time 4 that chat with them. keep strong and know that you are a good person. jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


KGA
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/26/2009 7:08 AM (GMT -7)   
i know what it feels like to be not noticed and be the one to go to when people want something, it feels like crap i know it does,

people ignore the good and only see the bad, people only see the good when its been taken away



i hope you find what your lookingfor, or find what you need, god knows everyone does

take care

(I edited your post extensively to bring it in line with Forum Rule #4. No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun off, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and well-being are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat. Please review the forum rules www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997 before posting again. -- serafena)

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 10/26/2009 9:39:47 AM (GMT-6)


Blue Eyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/26/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Perspective. In other words, it is how you view things, not as they may or may not be.

For instance, maybe your mum is trying to get you to work because she thinks it will help you. True, that might not be the case, but we can pretend it is. This means that she really does care. And she doesn't thank you, because she thinks it would be insulting to you to do so. Again, it might not really be the case, but we can pretend, because it makes us feel better.

Just an idea, which used to work for me.

gentleman k
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 10/26/2009 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hope you get to feeling better. Some people or family who have never dealt with depression do not know or understand what we are going through. They think that by insulting their loved one that it will somehow arouse them and cause them to snap out of it. I know it's difficult to take, but don't blame yourself for their ignorance. You are loved even though other people don't know how to show it. Just try to keep your head up high and know that you are a wonderful person and what you are going through is an illness which can be helped with proper counseling and perhaps medications. I know because I have been there! Take care and hope you get to feeling better.

gentleman k

Blue2
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 10/26/2009 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Beverley, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. It is clear that you are a kind, hard working person- in no way a waste of space! Your parents may not appreciate all your help, but that doesn't mean your contributions aren't valuable. I admire your patience and and strength despite everything. I hope you feel better soon.

damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 10/26/2009 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
mad  hi to all hope ur all doing well?? i had a look at my second post from yesterday and i really didn't explain it properly. The issue with the housework for instance,i have to clean the house from top to bottom everyday regardless of how i feel, but mostly the house doesn't need to be done each day as it's spotless!!! I'm a perfectionist so everything is in it's place and as i said the house is just so clean,so why do i have to do it every day?? The answer to that is my parents being on a power trip with me. It's like the other day i ran out of toilet paper and asked if i could borrow a roll till i got to the shop,and i have an ileostomy and need my toilet paper,my Dad said "do the ironing and pay me $3.50 and you can have one" that's how pathetic my family are. Also Karen suggested that i ring someone, that's the problem nobody wants to talk to me about any of my issues as they are all to wrapped up in there little "world" but without me in it. I honestly dont know why i bother anymore as all I do everyday is something for someone else and NEVER for myself!!!! Sorry i'm venting again. My head is so mixed up and confused today and i cant think straight...... Get me out of this hell hole please...... cry
 
I ALSO WROTE THIS POEM LAST NIGHT
 
MY HOUSE OF COMFORT........
 a  friend i find
hidden in my mind,
I race toward the finish line.
Ive found my resting place,
for my soul to roam.
 
standing in the rain,
helps relieve the pain
i'm naked and crying
releasing my feared dreams,
with an evening of no sun,
or moon,this rains down on me
as i ponder my home with a house
under a tree. I'm now living to
finally be free.
 
I've now found my resting
place for my soul to roam,
i've finally found my true
home. My house of comfort.
 
UNDERSTANDING........
it's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited
time on this earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up,we will then begin to live each day to the fullest,as if it was the last one we had!!!!!!!!!!
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
also suffer from chronic depression which is mostly caused by my lack of hormone's.
I AM CURRENTLY ON AVANZA FOR MY DEPRESSION!!!!!!!


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 10/26/2009 10:20 PM (GMT -7)   

Please hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel- we care and we support you.

Maz XX


 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
" Why does society view illness as weakness?" (Montell Jordan)
 'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
-DX:Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Seasonal Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ, Endometriosis,PCOS, Reactive Arthritis, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania,
OCD, GERD, IBS.
-Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Prescription pain meds/anti inflammatories.
-Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
-Age:29. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14.
 
 


LVangel
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 10/27/2009 12:02 AM (GMT -7)   
rose-bud40

The best thing that anyone has ever told me about suicide is that not only does it hurt the people around you but it hurt's the people you haven't even met yet. You can write beautiful poems. What if one day you wrote a poem that help someone in need? If your time is up you will never get the chance to help that person. The world needs you in it. You will meet people and change them forever. Live for your future and try to see the good in others no matter how dark.

Everyone here loves you. Look at what a big response you got off one post. We all care for you.

damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 10/27/2009 12:55 AM (GMT -7)   
i"m sorry but i didn't mention the S word!!! And thankyou 2 all for ur reply's it's good to know that someone out there cares...... :(((

Sorry all but I'm just so mentally tired
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
also suffer from chronic depression which is mostly caused by my lack of hormone's.
I AM CURRENTLY ON AVANZA FOR MY DEPRESSION!!!!!!!


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 10/27/2009 2:07 AM (GMT -7)   
beverely, rest. find a quiet spot just for you. worried. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 10/27/2009 8:52 PM (GMT -7)   
cry   cry hey all just letting u know i'm still here!! i dont know how or why but i am?? I'm just so darned tired and all i want to do is go to bed but if i do and my folks come home they will have a go at me as usual. I try and explain to them why but they just dont want to hear what i have to say as they aren't interested?? Why should i feel guilty about having a lay down on my bed for and hour that's all i want,is that so much to ask for?? I tell you the saying "you can pick ur friends but not ur family" how true is that?? Sorry guy's venting again. I will go now as i wont stop.
take care to all,
 
beverley.c. mad
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
also suffer from chronic depression which is mostly caused by my lack of hormone's.
I AM CURRENTLY ON AVANZA FOR MY DEPRESSION!!!!!!!


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 10/27/2009 9:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Beverly,

You should be able to lay down if you need to. Can't you just shut your door so that they wont bother you when you need ot rest? You don't deserve to have your life so restricted. Maybe you could move out.

I hope that you get some much needed rest.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 10/28/2009 12:28 AM (GMT -7)   
stuff em' i say. i do my bit and rest as you do beverely plus some!!!!!!!!! keep posting. venting is good. we all do from time to time. jamie. keep strong. i enjoyed your poem. moreover i understood it. so, remember that you are a wonderful person, thx for your contributions here on hw. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 10/28/2009 12:30 AM (GMT -7)   
hi Karen thankyou for ur reply. I went to have a lay down thisafternoon at about 3p.m. just for 1/2 hour, then 10 minutes later Mum and Dad came home walked in and said what's for dinner tonight bevrley?? I just cant get any time for me!!!! I hate this existence,it's just not worth being here anymore.

best wishes to you to Karen,your a lovely lady,

beverley.c.
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
also suffer from chronic depression which is mostly caused by my lack of hormone's.
I AM CURRENTLY ON AVANZA FOR MY DEPRESSION!!!!!!!


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 10/28/2009 3:27 AM (GMT -7)   
((((((((((((((((((((((((BEVERLEY)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
HEY, YOU DESERVE AS MUCH AS THE NEXT. DO WHAT IS RIGHT AND GOOD FOR YOU!!
 
MY HEALING COMPASSION. STAY STRONG. BE STRONG.
YOUR FRIEND, JAMIE.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


Blue Eyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/28/2009 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Rose-bud40, sorry about my stupid advice. I was just trying to help. But, then I can't even help myself, so I guess I should realize I can't help others. Anyway, if I offended you, that was not what I was trying to do. Trying to assess a situation from just a few sentences is not a good idea. And I should know better. Hope you get sometime alone to nap or whatever soon. Please don't take this the wrong way. I do tend to be too frank and I know I annoy people. But, that is not what I was trying to do.

Maybe I should just shut up. I talk too much.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 10/28/2009 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Blue eyes,

I think that we all understand eachother here. I tend to word things wrong too. People get the wrong impression of what I was trying to say. So keep posting.

Beverly,

I think you need to be more assertive with your parents. Can you talk to your therapist about that? You need to set up some boundries. You have to live for you, not them. You are not their maid. You are a wonderful person and don't deserve to be treated that way. Maybe you could make a joke about it when they ask you what is for dinner, you could aske'whatever you make'. I don't know, I just hate to see you go through this.

Best wishes to youn my friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/28/2009 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Beverly-

If you are paying your parents that much in rent I am certain you could find a small flat of some sort for you and your daughter (if she lives with you) this alone may relieve some of the pressure you are under. Your parents sound overbearing, I am sure they love you in their own way. But the pressure they put you under is doing nothing for your mental health and that my dear should come first in your life right now.!! Start out slow, regain some strength and self assurance and take every small accomplishment with pride. You are a fanatastic daughter for all that you do......whether they see it or not is their loss not your failing.

Hugs to you.......Hang in there!!!

-Jenn

gentleman k
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 10/28/2009 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Beverley, I agree with Jenn. I think living with your parents is putting a lot of extra stress on you. If you could see your way of getting away from your family it would take away a lot of your stress. You would really begin to feel much better over time, I'm sure. It sounds as if your family wants to deliberately tear you down and they seem to know what buttons to push in doing so. You deserve better than that. My prayers are with you that you can work something out to get away from that situation. Please keep us posted because we all care about you. I hate to see you going through all of this. Hang in there and take care!

gentleman k

damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 10/28/2009 4:39 PM (GMT -7)   
cry  hey Blue Eyes how are you? I'm just letting you know that i just read ur post to me and i am shocked that you even think that i'm angry with you?? Darling this is not the case ok. You have said nothing wrong to me at all. I just put in my post that i didn't mention the s word!! As you know we are not allowed to use that word,so i just put it in my post. Please forgive me as i never even meant for this to apply to you at all.
And please dont be upset with me Blue Eyes, we all read into thing's in a different context. Your a lovely person to even reply to me so thankyou!!!!! Ur very sweet.
 
best wishes,
 
beverley.c. :-) xx
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
also suffer from chronic depression which is mostly caused by my lack of hormone's.
I AM CURRENTLY ON AVANZA FOR MY DEPRESSION!!!!!!!

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