Post Edited (TeNNiSd0C09) : 10/27/2009 11:35:06 AM (GMT-6)
Thanks Maz. That helps. Its just I am really not sure what to say to him because I dont want him to think I am crazy or anything... and I hate to say there was a "voice" in my head... That alone makes me feel very insecure. Because it isnt the "norm" ya know... Im afraid of what he and everyone else will think if I say I was hearing a voice say all these terrible things and negative things about me. ya know... does that make sense?
I was trying to go to sleep but I cant sleep at all. My anxiety refuses to let up... ever since yesterday it has been horrible. I have been on edge all day to the extreme and I cant take it much longer. I am starting to become paranoid and super nervous and on edge even more. Im just like.... how you say.. "freaking out". I dont want to tell anyone about what happened last night, but I know that I have to somehow. I have been holding back SO much and if I do that my docs cant properly help me. They dont think my problems are all that serious, but its my fault. I dont let them know everything and its all my fault.
I dont know how this affects my friends and family because everyone thinks Im fine. My parents know I take the meds and what they are for but they dont truly believe its that big of a deal and that I need so much help. Because in the past I have always been successful in school and everything and appeared to be strong and capable. Now, its like Im some weak fragile nut job (no offense) and everyone still sees me as a strong person and Im not.... at all. Im not strong anymore.. I just hide everything and hold everything in and so no one knows anything. Im afraid of what they will think and how they will react and everything else. But at the same time I know that I NEED help. I am always depressed and super anxious, I am doing worse in school, I am missing classes, I dont care about my grades or work or studying, I cant focus, I cant stop thinking so much, apparently I have a voice now.....my "episodes" are getting more severe....... I just know that I need help...everything I just listed is like a HUGE RED flag to me... it tells me that something more serious is going on and I really do need to get help or it could get worse....
I see my pdocs nurse on Thurs.... however, I dont see my pdoc until Jan.... thats still over 2 months away and its been over a month since I seen him last... I cant wait so Im going to have to tell the nurse about everything and hopefully she will agree that I need to see him as soon as possible. The only problem is that I am horrible at talking about things.... But, I HAVE to. This is just too important........ I have to find a way... find some courage somewhere inside me to tell her about everything..
wish me LOTS of luck...any advice
Post Edited (Naps With Cats) : 10/27/2009 8:03:01 PM (GMT-6)