Please do go back to you DR......if you find you don't trust one then try another until you get one that you are comfortable leaving your mental health in their hands. You need to remain on your meds and let the physicians decide if and how you can come off of them. Honestly you probably need to be on them.....don't think that is a weakness it is not. My husband suffers form Major deprssive disorder, panic disorder and anxiety disorder. Was somewhat controlled on meds until about 18 months ago. Now he is a shell of the person I remember. Don't beat yourself up, that is self-defeating and you need to stay empowered to stay on top of this disease. You have found a wonderful site filled with tons of expertise and first hand experience and knowledge. Everyone here is wonderful and will not judge you on your feelings or emotions but guide you through them
Hang in there and know you have found tons of support here.
Take care of you!!! -Jenn