Am I even allowed to be depressed?

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Oh Boy Rory
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/29/2009 6:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I don't feel too comfortable revealing my real name, so you can call me Rory, it's a nick name. Hi! I'm new here..

Moving on..
Am I allowed to be depressed? I hear this tragic stories of rape or abuse or abandonment, and none of that has happened to me.
I just don't feel like i'm allowed to be depressed.

I'm sixteen, and I used to be a very strong and smiley, happy person. But it seems ever since I've moved I haven't been able to find my place.
I mean, I found a great bunch of friends, but i've kind of moved away from them, even though they are super supportive and amazing, and i don't want to lose them, but i don't want to do anything but sit at the computer and waste my time. I eat about a cup of cereal a day for lunch and then i'm full. I never used to get upset, but if a teacher even asks me a question I'm unsure of, I almost want to burst into tears, in fact the teacher just wanted to talk to me and as soon as she shut the door, I burst into tears.
I push everyone who cares about me away, but try and run to the people who don't, like this one guy..who is a totally different story..
I used to be in the top classes, never missed an assignment of homework or project but now i really don't care to do my work. And now I am taking on more than i think i can handle, i began nursing courses, and i was so thrilled that i was accepted (which, i have no idea why they accepted me I HAD HORRIBLE grades) but anyways..now every night i sit there till about one in the morning, crying my eyes out, telling myself how stupid I am and how I can't be a nurse. How can I take care of people, if i can't even take care of myself?
I have a very low self-esteem, and my mom is not helping, she nags me. Tells me constantly how i do not look good, and that i'm gaining weight, etc.
I don't drink or do drugs. I don't like what drinking has done to my family. My dad is an alcoholic, but shh..! He'd rather be with his friends drinking then drive me to the hospital(to volunteer). I do not enjoy going out. If i'm out all i can think about is going home and jumping on the computer.
I am ashamed of myself. I don't have a boyfriend, I haven't even had my first kiss. I just don't know.
I do sometimes like to think of being dead. I'd be with my favorite person in the whole wide world!
Wow, this is a lot longer than intended to be..
And i'm like in tears now, i'm so ashamed smhair
Please, I need help, any kind, any advice?

If you read this, thank you, I'm at least worth someone's time :]

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 10/29/2009 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
hi i am worriedgirl and i know what it is like to have a parent that is a alcoholic as my mom is and what you are feeling is normal. correct me if i am wrong but you are afraid of getting hurt because your dad has hurt you and you fear everyone can hurt you. you really need to go to your school counselor and talk to them they can help. i know how it feels and how you feel as i feel the same way but you should push yourself to try to get better. my mom when i was growing up would rather drink than do drugs than be a mom and was the same way. you need to learn to seperate him from your feelings and not let him bring you down. yes you have a right to be depressed but you need to seek help. i became a better person for it and now here i am at 31 and a wife and a mother. come on girl i know you have fight in you so go seek help and enjoy the teenage years. dont let your parents bring you down. if you need a ear i am here. i will post my yahoo mssgnr on my profile and if you need help yim me and i will listen.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


Oh Boy Rory
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/29/2009 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi ;] Thank you for responding! And, I'm so sorry about your mom! And, I don't know, I mean I guess I just feel like this whole move has ruined the family. When we moved is when everything started, my father drinking, me being depressed, not even being able to speak to my family. It's really sad, I mean everyone has one of those best friends that they can call up in the middle of the night and cry to them, and I actually do have one of them, but she is from the internet, and she is older so I feel like I am interrupting her, she is always busy busy busy :]
But anyways..
Well, see I did see a counselor all through middle school (my mom did not know, thank goodness!) and they were just no good to me. We had like fifteen minutes to discuss my "feelings" they just rushed me out of there as quickly as possible, so I guess I just kept my feelings inside and kept a big smile on, but its just getting to a point where I can't hold anymore.
Thanks again xox
Hopefully, I'll be able to grow and be like you :] I bet your kids just adore you! :]

Blue Eyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/29/2009 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, you have the right to be depressed. But, you don't have to be. Everyone's problems are big to them, even if they don't sound that big to anyone else. Anyway, talking to your school counselor sounds like a good idea. And this is probably just a temporary situation, where you will start being less depressed in the future. Starting a new course of action can be depressing. Where you have always been near the top of the class, now all of the sudden you are near the bottom. No biggy. Time and study will get you back up there. But, not if you stay depressed about things and can't concentrate. Does that help any?

If it it does, it just goes to show that you only think you can't help anyone when you can't even help yourself. I can't help myself. Which is why I came here. Don't know if it will work yet, but I know it won't if I don't give it a try. So hang in there.

P.S. I didn't have my first real kiss till I was 18.  Real people don't have sex nearly as much as they do on TV or in the movies.  Don't feel like you have to keep up with the ****s on the TV dramas.  They ain't real.

Post Edited (Blue Eyes) : 10/29/2009 7:48:27 PM (GMT-6)


Oh Boy Rory
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/29/2009 6:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I should have probably said, it's been this way for four years, ever since i started seventh grade and now im in eleventh.
I start getting myself out of the house and i'm like oh yay! But then something really tiny happens, like the guy i like doesn't text me, and i go back to where i started, back on the computer, spending the majority of my time here.
Oh goodness, I really hope study will help, :]
Aww! okay! I don't feel soo bad about not getting it, i'm still nervous around guys, it's really embarrassing!
Thanks for the advice :]

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 10/29/2009 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   
i know very well you will grow up and be like that you just have to work  hard. if the counselor at school didnt help then its time for you to see a real counselor. if your mom wont listen go to a uncle,aunt, grandma(mine was my saving grace) or any trusted family and tell them. dont be ashamed to admit you are depressed. your mom should want you to get help. something i didnt do but wish i did was go to alnon meetings. they can really help you deal with this. please dont be afraid to yim me if you need help or email me. i know what you are going through, hell i still go through it daily cept now she is dying of cirrhosis and hep c thanks to her addictions. you cant control others but you can control you. you are the only person you can make happy. if you need a ear then email me and i will let you call me
Oh Boy Rory said...
Hi ;] Thank you for responding! And, I'm so sorry about your mom! And, I don't know, I mean I guess I just feel like this whole move has ruined the family. When we moved is when everything started, my father drinking, me being depressed, not even being able to speak to my family. It's really sad, I mean everyone has one of those best friends that they can call up in the middle of the night and cry to them, and I actually do have one of them, but she is from the internet, and she is older so I feel like I am interrupting her, she is always busy busy busy :]
But anyways..
Well, see I did see a counselor all through middle school (my mom did not know, thank goodness!) and they were just no good to me. We had like fifteen minutes to discuss my "feelings" they just rushed me out of there as quickly as possible, so I guess I just kept my feelings inside and kept a big smile on, but its just getting to a point where I can't hold anymore.
Thanks again xox
Hopefully, I'll be able to grow and be like you :] I bet your kids just adore you! :]

The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/29/2009 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Oh Boy Rory,

Welcome to HealingWell and the depression forum. I hope you find it a helpful place to vent your frustrations and get some good advice. I know I do.

I too grew up with alcoholic parents and it really rips the family apart. It's no wonder you're feeling disconnected and depressed. Do take worriedgirl's advice and try to see a real therapist. Tell your mom you're sick of feeling so bad and would like to get some help. She should be receptive to that, as no parent likes to see their child suffer.

Welcome aboard,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 10/29/2009 8:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rory,

If you went to your school counselor now, would it be somebody different from who you were seeing before? If so, I would try that again too. If you can't see a real counselor.

I am sorry for your father's drinking. But as was stated above, you can only work on you right now. You can't change everybody else. But you can help yourself and eventually you might be able to help your dad.

Being sensitive isn't such a bad quality. It means that generally you are a good person. So don't be ashamed for that. I cry easy too. And I am 50. So you aren't the only one.

I see that Worriedgirl has offered to IM with you. I hope that you do that. She sounds like a very nice person.

Please keep posting and know that we care about you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


WyldeSage
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 10/30/2009 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Rory,

I am sorry your going through a tough time right now. I just joined this forum too, and everyone here is really nice, so dont be afraid to share...it really helps! I can say that counseling is really good, and see if you can get into any. I also know that alcoholism affects everyone. My fiancee's father is an alcoholic, and it tore him up, it really made our lives hell because he only cared about beer and not us. Not he liles alone with no one, thats what he gets (long story). I can also tell you that your not the only one who is sensitive. I am extremely sensitive, and I cry a lot....sometimes crying can be a good thing, it gets all the crap out. Hang in there girl!!
Depression and anxiety....


Oh Boy Rory
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/30/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I just want to give you all a big thanks for your wonder advice, and eventually I will ask my mom to go to counseling..either that..or i'll just wait till i'm moved out of the house and pay for it on my own. My mom loves to judge.
But, thank you everyone!
And a very big thanks to worriedgirl, I will definatley IM you, as soon as i get a yahoo :]
I'm feeling better today, I actually went out :]
I hope everyone is doing well
xox

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 10/30/2009 3:53 PM (GMT -7)   
i am so happy you went out. i know talking  helps. i really do know what you feel like. when you IM me i will tell you my story and you will see that there is a way out its just knowing which way to turn. it is still a struggle for me everyday dealing with an alcoholic parent but i have survived. i am a survivor and i know you will be too. please feel free to im me. i dont know if our timelines match but i am on at varying times and my yahoo goes to my phone if i am not at the computer. i dont think you should wait til you move out to get counseling, and your mom will not judge you she just might not understand what you are going through and if it helps you i will talk to her for you if  you need me to. i am here for you and hope that you continue to get better.
Oh Boy Rory said...
I just want to give you all a big thanks for your wonder advice, and eventually I will ask my mom to go to counseling..either that..or i'll just wait till i'm moved out of the house and pay for it on my own. My mom loves to judge.
But, thank you everyone!
And a very big thanks to worriedgirl, I will definatley IM you, as soon as i get a yahoo :]
I'm feeling better today, I actually went out :]
I hope everyone is doing well
xox

The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 10/30/2009 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
oh to get yahoo go to www.yahoo.com and hit download messenger. it is totally free and totally easy/
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


Oh Boy Rory
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/30/2009 5:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, thank you! and I have requested you :]

damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 10/30/2009 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
cool  hello Rory i would just like to say welcome to the best forum on the net!!!!! I read your post and it brought me to tears, as i can relate to so much of what you have said in ur posts. My brother has been an alcoholic since he was 14yrs old and is now 39,it's such a shame but it's not our problem sweetie. You need to really focus on YOU and get the therapy you require and maybe some medication to help ur mood's??
Just some suggestions. Also there is nothing to be ashamed of for not having a boyfriend or anything else for that matter. There is no law stating that you have to have a boyfriend at ur age,so please dont let society tell you any different ok. When the timing is right it will just happen naturally one day when u least expect it. My darling i really feel for you and if you ever want to chat just go to my profile and my email address is there if you ever need it. I mean it ok. I have a 22yr old daughter, so i do know a bit about teenage girls. I hope this has helped you some Rory??
 
take care of YOU............ smurf
 
beverley. wink xx
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
march 2009. op on a parastomal hernia & re-fashioning of stoma. Then complications,huge abcess in small bowel & peritinitus,emergency laparotomy to remove,icu for 5 day's. I think that's enough, no more.
Am taking AVANZA for my depression & ocd!!!!!!!!!!!


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 11/2/2009 12:57 PM (GMT -7)   
rory are you there. i am worried about you. we talked a little on friday night and then i  havent heard from you. please let me know you are ok
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/2/2009 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
cool  hello Rory,
I was just wanting to know that ur safe as you sent me an email and am very concerned for ur well being ok. Can you please make some kind of contact,to put my mind at ease ok. Please take care Rory!!!!
 
Hope all is well for you,
 
concerned for you........
 
beverley.c. idea
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
march 2009. op on a parastomal hernia & re-fashioning of stoma. Then complications,huge abcess in small bowel & peritinitus,emergency laparotomy to remove,icu for 5 day's. I think that's enough, no more.
Am taking AVANZA for my depression & ocd!!!!!!!!!!!


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/4/2009 3:15 AM (GMT -7)   
smurf  hello Rory,
 
I would like to say that you should never say sorry or even apologize
about your depression. There is no way in the world that you should have to justify to anyone about what your going through!!! I know your still a young girl,but believe me since i joined this forum i to have realized that for the last 20yrs or so all ive done is said "sorry",because im not feeling happy or basically just having to justify "why" about everything,but now have learnt from some very clued up persons on this forum,i now wont say sorry or if im feeling so low i wont put on that fake happy face because why should we try and make persons around us think were happy when were clearly not!!!! Sorry i dont think i explained my post how i wanted it. But im sure you can read into it.
 
take care of you,
 
beverley.c. smurf smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smurf
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
march 2009. op on a parastomal hernia & re-fashioning of stoma. Then complications,huge abcess in small bowel & peritinitus,emergency laparotomy to remove,icu for 5 day's. I think that's enough, no more.
Am taking AVANZA for my depression & ocd!!!!!!!!!!!

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