How Long Do I have To Smile?

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faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 10/30/2009 11:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone,
Not having a computer is really taking a toll on me because it is the only way I have to communicate with you guys.  There seems to be noone that I can talk to any more.  I have learned to watch what I say because people that I thought were my friends are really NOT!
 
I have worked so hard to be a better person and I feel drug-down by people that are supposed to care about me.  I really need support at this time of the year when everyone is getting ready for the holidays.  I truly HATE the holidays and know that people I love are celebrating for many reasons.  I guess you could say that I am really sad.  I did get to see a doctor about my depression and he feels that my "MANY" diagnosis may have played a part in my treatment of depression.  I had the VNS shut off and he thinks that doing away with it would be in my best interest, I agree.  He and I talked about a disorder called "dysthmia" which is a type of depression all itself.  It makes me sad to think that after all these years of losing people I love, my actions and thoughts were not being treated right and I truly have lost out on A GOOD LIFE.  I guess you could say that if this is the case, it is bittersweet.
 
I am sorry that I have not gave back to you guys and that it seems as if all I do is talk about myself but I do feel lost.


" God not only sends special angels into our lives, but sometimes He even sends them back again if we forget to take notes the first time!"
Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994


" We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Luciano de Crescenzo


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40596
   Posted 10/30/2009 11:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi teresa,

I am sorry that you still don't have a computer. And I am sorry that you are feeling so down.

I feel that the holidays are so commercialized. It is all about spending money that you can't afford. But I am working extra hours so that I can get gifts for the grandchildren. But that shouldn't be the case.

I understand how you feel. It is hard to be happy during the holidays when you are lonely. But try not to think of it that way. Try to take it one day at a time and do the best that you can. Maybe you can spend it with your wonderful children and grandchildren. (I think that you have grandchildren, not sure, if I am wrong, sorry). Maybe you aren't old enough yet.

I hope that you feel better soon. I hope that the doctor can find something that works for you. I have been recommending walking lately because it helps me so much. If you could get out for a little walk, it might make you feel better.

Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Keep on trying, you will get there.

Many hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18772
   Posted 11/1/2009 12:16 AM (GMT -7)   
hi FAITHFULLY-4-YOU. I WAS ALIKE YOU, WITH MY DX OF SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. NOW MY KNOWLEDGE OF THIS IS LEGENDARY!! KEEP FIGHTIN'. JAMIE.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 11/1/2009 12:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Its okay that you talk about yourself, we are here to listen, thats the point. Im sorry about your computer trouble and hope that you can come to us more often.

I was also dx'ed with dysthymia. My doc is trying his best to treat every aspect but its difficult finding all the right meds that go together perfectly, ya know.

This whole "holiday season" thing is always very difficult for me. Its my worst time of the year and when I become very vulnerable and very depressed. I end up sitting in my room crying a lot this time of year... and all the negative thoughts are a pain and I have no way of distracting myself when Im depressed so its just a horrid circle of continuous crap. Im sure you understand.

I always have to watch what I say around people. I dont ever talk to family or friends about anything I would talk about on here. I keep my lives all seperate. I have found that confiding in some has come back to be worse... I have found SOME people I can talk to, but I have lost a lot of people, I think I overwhelm them with all of my stuff... I dont know, but it is difficult to handle everything, I know.

Dont worry about coming here and tlaking about yourself, that is why we are here and we will encourage you to get through the rough patches. Just keep us posted.

Take Care,
Christi
Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Cymbalta 6-6-09(horrible effects), Rozerem, Melatonin, Currently taking: Prozac 40mg (July 09), Trazadone 50mg (Sept 09)-Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorder, ADHD, Dysthymic Disorder
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
   


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 11/3/2009 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone for your kind words.  My depression is about the same and I see how my depression is changing in ways that I always feared.  I am so scared to face each day and tend to dread getting out of bed.
 
Just really depressed.
" God not only sends special angels into our lives, but sometimes He even sends them back again if we forget to take notes the first time!"
Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994


" We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Luciano de Crescenzo


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40596
   Posted 11/3/2009 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Are you seeing anybody for counseling Teresa?

Just wondering...

I hope that you are feeling better soon. We do have the holidays coming upon us. Try some strategies to ward off your depression. Know that we are all here for you...

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 11/4/2009 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi GB~
Yes, I have a counselor and a doc but I truly feel that my depression is so complicated that there are treatments and tests that could better help me on a day to day basis.  It is pretty conclusive that my diagnosis is Dysthmia.  What now?  There are so many questions and unsolved answers that noone is taking charge and finding results.  I guess if I was financially secure, these tests would be done, I heard that actually from a professional after I spoke of my abnormal screening for Ritalin.  Six docs know about it, but not one of them will further investigate.  Also, I stillhave not been interviewed for the DBS Study in Cleveland.  I feel as if I should stop caring about my health like all the professionals have.
 
Just really sad.
" God not only sends special angels into our lives, but sometimes He even sends them back again if we forget to take notes the first time!"
Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994


" We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Luciano de Crescenzo


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40596
   Posted 11/4/2009 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Teresa,
 
Don't stop careing, try to be proactive.  Tell them your concerns.  I know how you feel about the money situation.  When I first got insurance, I swear they wanted to give me tests for every little thing.  They wanted that money.  Now I just go in every three months for follow ups.  It is sad how money is so important to them.  I wish that we had the national health care where everybody was treated equal. 
 
Don't give up Teresa, know that we are all here for you.  And we are always willing to listen and give advice as we can. 
 
Know that I am thinking about you.  Have a good day my friend.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/5/2009 2:57 AM (GMT -7)   
cool  hi Teresa,
 
I would like to say that i'm sorry your going through such an awful time. Depression is a debilitating disease!!!!! I only hope that ou get all the help that you truly deserve,as nobody in this worl should have to suffer in any way,shape or form. My thought's are with you. And i can relate 100percent aboutthe holiday's. I to spend the holiday's on my own, even on christmas day i'm home alone and yes it's very saddening. I hope ur better very soon.
best wishes,
 
beverley.c. blush smurf cool smurf smhair
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
march 2009. op on a parastomal hernia & re-fashioning of stoma. Then complications,huge abcess in small bowel & peritinitus,emergency laparotomy to remove,icu for 5 day's. I think that's enough, no more.
Am taking AVANZA for my depression & ocd!!!!!!!!!!!


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/5/2009 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
:-)  hello Teresa,
 
I hope ur feeling much better today?? And also if you dont want to smile YOU dont have to ok. And i hope ur not as sad today. Is the sun shining where you are because if it is why dont you go for a short walk as that can make you feel alot better!! Just a suggestion,but youv'e probarly heard it all before. Look after ur self Teresa. Hope it gets better soon.
 
good luck,
 
beverley.c. smurf smhair smurf
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
march 2009. op on a parastomal hernia & re-fashioning of stoma. Then complications,huge abcess in small bowel & peritinitus,emergency laparotomy to remove,icu for 5 day's. I think that's enough, no more.
Am taking AVANZA for my depression & ocd!!!!!!!!!!!


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 11/11/2009 10:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone. I am doing ok I guess. Every day seems to offer the same thing.
" God not only sends special angels into our lives, but sometimes He even sends them back again if we forget to take notes the first time!"
Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994


" We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Luciano de Crescenzo


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/11/2009 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
hello Faith,
I feel the same way at times, the people that are supposed to be there for U there not. I have a 14yr old daughter and I know in my heart if she was 40 like I am going through depression and all these other thinks I would call her everyday, stop by her house to visit everyday, and push her. My mom does none of this so I can understand where your coming from. I hope it gets better!!

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 11/16/2009 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone~
I have been having terrible nightmares about everything in my life.  It seems I dream every single night and the doctor says that it is the Seroquel that is doing it along with my narcolepsy that keeps me in constant rem sleep which is the stage where you dream.  I am so tired in the mornings and have to push myself to even function.
 
With the holidays coming, my depression seems to be getting worse too.  My VNS implant has not been taken out yet and it is really painful at the site.
 
I hope everyone is doing well.
" God not only sends special angels into our lives, but sometimes He even sends them back again if we forget to take notes the first time!"
Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994


" We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Luciano de Crescenzo


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40596
   Posted 11/16/2009 9:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Teresa,

I dream a lot too, I always have. I dont' know why. And I do dream in color. I guess that some people don't.

I hope that you feel better. I know that the holidays are hard for you. Just keep posting. Do you have a computer working yet?

I hope that you are feeling better and that they get that vns out of you soon.

Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/17/2009 10:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Teresa,

So sorry to hear about the sleep problems. Are you on anything for the narcolepsy? My doc just put me on Nuvigil for ADD, but it's also prescribed for people with sleep apnea and narcolepsy.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40596
   Posted 11/17/2009 10:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Serafena,

I use to take provigil. I take adderall now. It really helps with the fatigue. I slept for about two years due to fibromyalgia. It was the worst two years of my life. Well, the hardest anyway. I slept all of the time. I am glad that those days are over.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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