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realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/3/2009 8:43 PM (GMT -7)   
mad   sad   smhair   it's been a hard day matter of fact the last couple of days. Today my husband made me go for a drive with him, I did but i kept my pj's own. SCREAM SCREAM my mind is so foggy I mean nothing is clear at all it's like driving your car and then U hit a patch of fog!!! It's 10:35pm and I can't sleep which my Pdr told me to always go to bed in bed room at the same time even if I don't go to sleep go in there and just lie for a couple of hours. I have even taken my tv out of my bedroom so I won't watch tv instead of trying to go to sleep. I couldn't even go vote today and that really made me very upset, my son voted so I convinced myself well they voted I didn't need to. I ALWAYS VOTE!! Im going out in my garage and just screaming then I come back in O please someone on here I need something the dr's the med's o nothing seems to get me together again, I remember last week so proud that I went to my job!! Alot of people say staying in the house makes u more depressed but I hate when the weather changes to cold that alone gets me down. I DONT KNOW MAYBE I SHOULD JUST LOOK FOR OTHER SITES ALONG WITH THIS ONE. confused    shocked

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/3/2009 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Realife,
 
I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time.  I know what you mean about the cold weather.  And it has been dreary here, rainy everyday.  I am so sick of it.  But what comes next?  Here?  SNOW!!!  Boo hoo.  I am not looking forward to it at all. 
 
I started working a job in June, not thinking about the future and what would happen when it gets cold.  Well, I just hope that I can make it through.  But all I can do is take it one day at a time and hope for the best.  Each day I get up and figure I will just do the best that I can.  And that is all that I can do.  So I think you should do the same, just the best that you can do and be happy with that.  Try not to beat yourself up each day.  Try to be proud of yourself and what you accomplish, even if it isn't a lot.  One day at a time. 
 
You are a fantastic person and I hope that you do feel better soon.  Keep posting.  Let us know how you are doing.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/4/2009 9:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks,

But I can feel today is not going to be any better, I have already been in the garage screaming my head off, all I do is sit on my big behind and drink coffee all day which I know it's to much to drink because of the cafiene. For the people who sit in the house all day, could U share with me what is your schedule or what do U do all day, and outside is out of the question. I tried reading my mind is just all over the place. I have had to non-epelectic seziures and fell out the computer chair, thank goodness it's a low chair I just ly on the floor untill they past and get back on.


If U can give me a couple of thinks that U occupy your time with all day I would be gratefull. Sorry for the spelling.


non-epelectic seizures(pseudoseizures) depression, anxiety

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/4/2009 10:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey sweetie,

I started putting one third decaff in my coffee. It helped a lot. I take less xanax now and my blood pressures are good. I hope that this helps some. Coffee still tastes the same. So maybe you could try that.

I am on the computer a lot too. I love bookworm. And can't quit playing it. I have no schedule for when I am home from work. But try to walk some every day. Not a lot, just enough to clear my head. Maybe you could try walking a little each day. It doesn't take long to build up stamina and you are able to walk more. Meditation is also something that I do. It helps you focus and it makes you feel good. Try that too.

I hope that you start to feel better about yourself soon. Try not to put yourself down. You are a lovely person and we are all glad that you are on this site.

Take care my dear friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/5/2009 12:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Today I havent went in the garage to scream, but I did go ly in the back seat of the car for a little while. I took covers and just laid back there for about 30 min. I read someone so happy that there house isn't gone to get foreclosed on I am so happy for her forgot her name!! My problem is I don't want to get to that point of dealing with the banks so most of my anxiety,depression, and non-epelectic seizures are because my doctors wont let me go back to work yet and we need the money.

I don't even want to think about the holidays I usually love them but this year is different.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/5/2009 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Try to keep in mind the true meaning of the holidays instead of the stress of spending money. I know that it is hard. We all go through that. Some of us are broke, some of us are lonely and the holidays aren't much fun. But if we just think of family being together and the true meaning, I think we will get through it.

Best wishes

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/10/2009 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
turn  Today I'm having a great day so far!! I woke up this morning had my coffee down to only 2 cups now hoooray!! Called my friend who I haven't talked to since this depression hit me, I just stopped taking her calls didn't want to be bothered with anyone, well this past Sunday I went to church that was a big step havent been there in awhile but I think that I will continue to go. I have A Pdr appointment tommorrow and I hope she gives me good news on going back to work or it just might set me back in my depression when I'm just coming out of it.
 
My husband says exspect the worse but hope for the best or did I mixed that saying up? October and up till today has been so so hard, but I think I'm coming around I just dont want to slip again.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/10/2009 10:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I am happy to hear this. It sounds like you are excited about going back.

Your husbands saying expect the worst but hope for the best, that way it will be that much more exciting when you get it. But I think that way a lot. I don't expect much out of life so that way I am happier more. When things that are good do happen, I am always that much more excited. I keep my life simple, that way I am happy easier. Kind of like a reverse psychology. But it works for me. I try not to ever get my hopes up. And that way if nothing good does happen, I wont be sad or disappointed. But in the long run, it works out because it doesn't take much to make me happy.

Here I am rattling on. I am happy that you had a good day. We love to hear these things on the forum. It always makes me feel good to come home from work and read the positive posts. So thank you for sharing.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/11/2009 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
I just got home from my Pdr appointment and it went great!! She's letting me go back to work the only thing now I have to go see the company dr on Tuesday and that's just how the rules are there when U have been off more than 30 days U see the company Dr before U come back. I need your input I'm usually an 3rd shift person and it breaks my body DOWN my Pdr really wants me to go back on 2nd but I wont get to see my daughter at all just 1hr in the morning before school. An I don't have enough seniorty for 1st and I'v been there 8 yrs. My attacks (non-epelictiec seizures) sometimes come on when I don't have enough sleep and on 3rd U never get enough sleep.

If U were me what would U do? I'm so nervous about going back to work seeing the people being around them, I don't want to make myself look like a fool infront of everyone, and the questions I cant handle etc Where have U been, HOW DO U FEEL, WHAT WAS WRONG, WE THOUGHT U QUIT, WE THOUGHT U GOT FIRED!!! I will just freak out if I get that for an whole 8hr. They also have these meeting every WED there is no way I can go to those meetings I would pass out. Should I talk to the company dr about that or should I just try and deal with it on my own? SO OVERWHELMED AT THIS POINT!!!



Depression, anxiety, non-epelectic seizures

realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/11/2009 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I just got home from my Pdr appointment and it went great!! She's letting me go back to work the only thing now I have to go see the company dr on Tuesday and that's just how the rules are there when U have been off more than 30 days U see the company Dr before U come back. I need your input I'm usually an 3rd shift person and it breaks my body DOWN my Pdr really wants me to go back on 2nd but I wont get to see my daughter at all just 1hr in the morning before school. An I don't have enough seniorty for 1st and I'v been there 8 yrs. My attacks (non-epelictiec seizures) sometimes come on when I don't have enough sleep and on 3rd U never get enough sleep.

If U were me what would U do? I'm so nervous about going back to work seeing the people being around them, I don't want to make myself look like a fool infront of everyone, and the questions I cant handle etc Where have U been, HOW DO U FEEL, WHAT WAS WRONG, WE THOUGHT U QUIT, WE THOUGHT U GOT FIRED!!! I will just freak out if I get that for an whole 8hr. They also have these meeting every WED there is no way I can go to those meetings I would pass out. Should I talk to the company dr about that or should I just try and deal with it on my own? SO OVERWHELMED AT THIS POINT!!!



Depression, anxiety, non-epelectic seizures

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/11/2009 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I work second shift. I love it. You will have days off to see your daughter, I know that you want to see her more, but she will have weekends too. You need to do what is right for you right now. And second shift sounds like the perfect shift for you. You are right, you never get sleep on third. You can't attend the meetings without losing sleep. I would cast my vote for second. But do what is right for you.

Glad to hear that you are feeling better. This really makes my day. Have a good one, I am off to making Christmas wreaths for the animal shelter to sell. So far I have six swags done and one wreath. I don't get a lot of time to work on them, so, I do what I can. It is all donation, so every little bit helps them.

Take care

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/11/2009 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen,

Your right do what is right for me and my body, my daughter is 14 my problem I still treat her like she is 5. Thanks so much for your advice. I'm laughing because my passion before this depression hit me was making crafts for each holiday. I give the old away and make new for my house, but I havent done it in about 4 months or more so I'm hoping to get back into it when everything is good with me. Wow I've been having alot of trouble with my computer today just kicking me off the site Wheew!! Thats wonderful your doing it for donation wow and six swags thats wonderfull.

I have 1 more question for anyone that can answer it. I reapplied for disability in the beginning of the month thinking that the doctor was never gone to let me go back to work. Now that I'm going back just 1 more hurdle I have to jump the company Dr is that going to mess up my disability just in case I go back and have a relaspe. When they find out I'm working are they going to close my case? What will happen ?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/11/2009 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I suspect that once you start working again, you wont be disabled anymore. Is it your regular doctor or your work doctor that says you can work again. Would your disability come from SSI, or from work? Either way I do believe that once you start working again, you are no longer considered to be disabled.

Hopefully somebody will come along with more information for you. Somebody more knowledgable about the laws of disability.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/12/2009 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
redface  Oh my what did I do to myself!! I stayed up allnight last night trying out what would it be like again if I was on first shift WHY!! My body feels like a railroad car as driven over me, I can barely keep my eyes open I have no energy IM JUST PLAIN OLD TIRED. I was so happy about going back to work but my husband came home this morning and said if I don't go back to third shift I would be laid off alot my seniorty can't hold second either!! That through me for a loop because I thought I had enough time in to hold 3rd and 2nd  these is starting to wear on my body all ready just trying to make these decisions, and I can't get another job there isn't any.
 
So today I'm not as happy as I've been earlier in the week an when I don't get sleep O those mighty old seizures come on what to do I'm sitting her crying. 

Harleyrider
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 283
   Posted 11/12/2009 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry to hear you are having a bad day...but look at it this way, its only one day out of how many left.

Your days will get better, try going with the flow of things and fix only what you can.

I suffer from depression but take no meds for this condition.
I also have Lyme Disease and take antibiotics for it, and havent worked in over 2yrs.
I dont have a social life anymore, I have a ton of symptoms I deal with on a daily basis.

I want to go back to work so bad too, and the disability thing well they just keep denying me.
Worthless the States can be about giving help to those in need.

Keep your head up and smile when you can. Happiness is something we all deserve.

Stacy
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/12/2009 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with HarleyRider,
 
Take this one day at a time and go with the flow of things.  If you can't work, persue the disability.  Try not to worry about it, it will only make you sick and may cause you to have another seizure.  You need to get some rest too.  So try not to think about it, just go with it. 
 
I have fibromyalgia, when I first got it, I realized that I was too sick to worry about things.  So I stopped.  That was the best thing that ever happened to me. 
 
I signed up for disability too and I got denied all the way to the end.  I was so upset, and called my psychologist.  She said, well, this isn't the end of the world.  And it wasn't.  I realized that being upset and crying wasn't changing anything, just making me more miserable.  So I stopped.  I now am able to work part time.  It isn't a lot, but it helps and gives me some spending money.  I have most of Christmas done.  Not doing a lot this year, but I was able to pick up a few more hours to get done what I did.  Things don't always go the way we want, we have to be able to adapt in order to be happy.  If we fight it, we will always be unhappy.  So try to go with it and let what happens happen.  You can do this, I know that you can. 
 
Best wishes,
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/12/2009 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Stacey and Karen,

Thank you again!! U guys on here is all I have to tell my stories to or vent. I'm once again going to say I'm so happy I found this SITE! I should take it one day at a time but my mind tells me other things. I was so out of it earlier it was terrible I had to drink so much coffee to get me going and I was down to only 2 cups. Disability yes there a joke, but I have to work my husband says he cant do it on his own. I even mentioned part-time and he told me U would give up 19 dollars an hour for 7 dollars an hour. Im not thinking money I'm thinking my health and he should to and that makes me very upset that he is willing to take the chance of me going to work having a seizure or just freaking out because of my social phobia.

Sometimes I just wonder what is going on in my life I hope tommorrow is better an again THANK YOU THANK YOU SOOOO VERY MUCH!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/13/2009 10:18 AM (GMT -7)   
I just wanted to day, I hope that you are having a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/15/2009 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

Yesterday was a better day than today it was beautiful out!! I'ts getting closer and closer to Tuesday and I'm starting to panic alittle having to talk to the company doctor. I'm telling myself just go in an breathe and tell her what she wants to know O BOY!!! I get the jitters just thinking about the whole thing just want it over and down so I can come on line and tell U guys this is my 1st day back at work>

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/15/2009 10:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Remember if you feel yourself starting to panic, breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Smelling the roses and blowing out the candles. control your breathing that way. Think of an afirmative thought. Like, "I know tht I can do this" And most of all, try to relax. If you feel muscles starting to tighten up, relax them. You can do this, I know.

You are stronger than you think, and you are a good person.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Harleyrider
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 283
   Posted 11/17/2009 9:36 AM (GMT -7)   
realife,

Hey girl hope your doing better and work is going good.

I wanted to share with you the way I think of things that bother me.
Like the way you felt before seeing the doctor. I have feelings like this too, and
what I do is take a piece of paper and write down the things I want to talk to the
doctor about. And try not to think about it again until appt date. I would sit in my
car before entering the building and read over what I had concerns about. And
tell myself that I am confident in my questions and that this doctor is no better than me
and that were all human and we all make mistakes.

Heck I make a mistake on a daily babsis, so often that I just laugh at myself, apologize and
move on. Harping and over analyzing everything I want to say and do will only drive me crazy.

Have a great Day
You GO GIRL! !
 


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/17/2009 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello all,

Today was my visit to the company Doctor. Well they want me to go see one of there Pdr's for an second opinion. They kept asking me about my seizures and drilling me about them over and over. Then they got on my depression asking me did I want to harm myself or someone else, do I hear voices I actually started laughing and said no. I don't know why I started laughing I think because those questions I have been asked so many times. So I go see there Dr. sometime in Dec. wow not to happy I really thought I would be back to work this coming up Wednesday night.

realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/21/2009 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow I tried my best to get on the site yesterday, but my computer wouldn't let me type anything so I was getting on and off all yesterday and couldn't type anything. Today is a better day than yesterday, but I'm so worried about X-mas and not being able to get the kids stuff that's it's starting to consume my every thought. There getting something, but not like what there used to, and there old enough to understand what's going on in the world but this is so so hard!!! I'm pacing the floor I havent talked to my friend in 2 days now, I don't want to sink back in the hole because yesterday it was BAD!!! I really dont think my sister's and parents understand depression. My sister called yesterday and ask could I bring something for Thanksgiving, so I'm thinking she's talking food no she says Wine! Wine I can't afford to bring wine and I told her I was having a bad day, she said ok forget the bad day can U bring the Wine, now I could of brung a dish of something, but not wine. My family already knows that I don't recieve a check anymore, but they act like they have no clue.

Sorry so long! my mom she knows about my depression but havent called since I think Oct 21, I would never ever do my daughter like that, they just dont get it really depression is a battle every day seems like they should know by now I've been going through it for so many years or is it they just dont care.



depression,anxiey, non-epelitic seizures)NES)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 11/21/2009 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Realife,

I was experiencing some trouble with the forum yesterday too and my computer seemed really slow. Not much better today.

Did you make it clear to your sister that you couldn't afford the wine? It sounds like she didn't take no for an answer. I would make it clear to her. Let her know that you would be alble to bring a dish to pass, but no wine. And I would go ahead an d cook that dish. Don't let her get you into something that you can't do. Sometimes you have to be so firm with people. That is a shame.

I hope that your Thanksgiving is a good one. I have to work. I am bummed about that. But somebody said that they would bring me food, we shall see. lol... I hope that you are able to convince her that you cannot afford the wine. I guess whe will see on Thursday.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


realife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/27/2009 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Last night was a bad night!! I was in an out of bed so I finally got up went into the living room with my cover and pillow and put in a movie, I didnt take my usual meds because I was drinking wine that evening so I skipped the meds. Well I must of dosed of and I kept having these terrible nightmare not dreams I mean I found myself waking up scared to go back in the bedroom with my husband so I started yelling his name, my daughter and son's name nobody came. It felt like someone was holding me down wouldn't let me get up or move at all it was so real!! Finally when daylight came I jumped up and ran to my bedroom to tell my husband about the nightmares he started laughing and said it was the wine, I used to have bad nightmares when I first started taking my meds, but this nightmare was I'm to embarrasssed to even tell U what it was about it so out of the ordinary. skull   I hope I don't see one of skull these faces again tonight  I thought I was going to have an heart attack and die there on the couch just sweating so bad and yelling. 
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