New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

crystalalt
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 11/11/2009 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I separated from my husband 3 months ago because he became emotionally abusive and neglectful when I got sick. He did not want to believe I was in pain, and never helped me figure out what my medical problems were even though he is a doctor. Due to the bulging disc in my neck that touches the spinal cord not being diagnosed, I was misdiagnosed a number of times, and then they wrote me off as having fibromyalgia. Finally, I saw a doctor who did understand, but by this point I was in so much pain and my body had to deteriorate. I have degneration through-out my spine, still have the bulging disc in my neck and facet joint syndrome. As a result of this going on so long I have a lot of problems with my muscles and ligaments. All this time my husband would go to concerts, ignore me, taunt me and tell me things were not so bad. He would go away on weekends when I wasn't sure I could take care of myself. He would tell me I didn't hurt, even thoughy doctors said they were amazed that I wasn't bedridden. When I cried from pain, he would leave the room. He would push me to do things beyond my physical limits, and I because I was in so much pain I couldn't think straight and felt held hostage. I had to leave work (and have disability from my job). I wasn't physically strong enough to leave and I didn't feel safe in his presence. Finally, after years of pushing myself every day to do physical therapy ecersizes , yoga... whatever I had to doto get stronger, I left. Now, after all of this the mediator tells me that my alimony will only b 25%-35% of his income. That seems so unfair to me. If it wasn't for his neglect and abusive behavior (he was sent by our couples therapist to another therapist to try and work on the emotional abuse), I would not have been so ill, become so lonely and depressed, and my physical condition would not have been exacerbated by living in fear. I didn't feel safe at home because he was so passive agressive and I never knew when there would be another upheaval. I didn't even feel safe to cry in my own home.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 11/11/2009 6:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am no judge, so I don't know what to tell you about your alimony. It sounds like your husband wasn't very suppportive of you, especially with your illness. But I have no knowledge of the laws or the percentage of his money you should get.

I myself do have fibromyalgia, and I can tell you honestly it is no fun. But you with your degenerative disc disease, you should be able to get some disability. Have you tried? That with the alimony should get you by. Can you work at all? I am working part time for the first time in seven years. It is a struggle, but it is doable for the time being.

I hope that you feel better. Hopefully somebody can come along and be more informative about this subject.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


FunnyGurl
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 173
   Posted 11/11/2009 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   

HI Crystalalt

Well you should feel lighter getting rid of that dead weight.  He was very toxic to you and went out of his way to stress you out physically and emotionally.  You say he was a doctor He knew what he was doing to you.  What a Jerk! 

Anyway money is not everything.  So hopefully with that amount, your disability and whatever else you may have or receive from work or investments you will get by.  We all do somehow,

I just hope this can all go with no more stress for you so that your pain level does not rise anymore. 

Good thoughts your way...

Keep us uptodate on the outcome!

Rhonda


Humour is always the Best Medicine!
 
Fibromyalgia, DDD, 2 herniated Lumbar discs, Migraine, Dysthmic Disorder, Anxiey, Panic Attacks, OsteoArthritis Knee, Carpal Tunnel both hands, Currently Double Depression


crystalalt
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 11/12/2009 12:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the support Funny Girl and Getting By. He really is a jerk. I am trying hard to get rid of the dead weight, but he keeps on making it hard on me. I've moved out, thank god. As a doctor, knowing I can't lift, knowing about the bulging cervical disc, degeneration, fibromaylgia....blah, blah, blah..... he did not help me move out of the house, and made it so horrible for me to try to organize my stuff so I could get out, that I lifted everything. As you can imagine, I was in really bad shape. I moved, because when I was at my worst we sold our home and moved into a condo. I told him that the condo wouldn't be good for me, didn't want it because there were stair from the garage to the first floor and then there are stairs to the bedrooms. I'm living in this really stinky apartment, but I will be moving into my own home on Monday. He tried to ruin that to. I had a mortgage all set up, and then he said he found a cheaper one (which he did). He brought me the forms to sign, and said he would take them back to the condo, sign them and then scan them into the computer to send them. I get and e-mail forwarded to me by him from the bank saying they needed more information. I e-mailed the bank and he had sent them nothing!!!! I was up all sunday night trying to gather everything together again. I don't even know who he is any more. But, the good thing is that I didn't hid it from my young adult kids. He was not abusive until I got sick, my older one was a freshman in college and the other a sophmore in college. I though he would get his act together, so I tried to hide it from the kids. No more. I've been hiding secretes all my life (I had been sexually abused for a number of years as a kid by my step-father and my mother wouldn't listen or believe me). Well, now here I was after getting out of that, and doing good in my life. I became a therapist and then an attorney, had a good job and did all the work in raising our kids, and once I got sick and couldn't work I was right back where I started until I got myself well enough to get out. But I am free now and I am still a kind and compassionate person. I understand that he is a jerk because my illness must have brought up his childhood stuff, but that didn't give him a right to be cruel to me. But finally I am free again, and as I said to him, you can to take everything from me, but you can't take my dignity. You can't go and buy it either. Go live with all your material possessions because I have something you don't have. I have my dignity. What do you have/ You have your shame." Both of you are right, money is so much less important, but I think it is time that I got a break in life. I believe God has a plan, but there has been so much abuse in my life that God is really testing my faith.

FunnyGurl
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 173
   Posted 11/12/2009 6:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Exactly Crystalalt
HE is a big Jerk.. Good riddance to him... He has to live with his faults You do NOT.
You sound alot better in your second email I think you will be fine.  You are starting your second life and it will be all yours and will be wonderful!
Good luck on your adventure and I will look for your updates!
Rhonda
Humour is always the Best Medicine!
 
Fibromyalgia, DDD, 2 herniated Lumbar discs, Migraine, Dysthmic Disorder, Anxiey, Panic Attacks, OsteoArthritis Knee, Carpal Tunnel both hands, Currently Double Depression

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 10, 2016 3:59 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,789 posts in 301,336 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151436 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, george252.
143 Guest(s), 4 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
UC prisoner, ufindjess, jared16, poohcheez


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer