things just keep getting worse.

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sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 9:39 AM (GMT -7)   
well im just going to put it all there and pour my heart because i need this off my shoulders, bare with me it may be long and boring but its what i need. Well i guess ill start with i was born with jaundice and had to be incubated and it affected me the first four years of my life, i was in and out of hospital i recovered from it finally and that was that. I started primary school and after 4 months my parents decided to move me, i found it a real struggle to fit in, everybody disliked me and id sit at lunchtime with a teddy and thats and it continued like that for 2years. I by the age of 8 started feeling so alone and went through anorexia and my body started shutting down so the regular hospital trips

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
wont let me write lots as im using my fone so ill keep replying with the rest of my story; the hospital trips started up again and i just feel empty, time passed and i recovered, by the end of primary school things were looking up, i made friends and was now in the cool group, on the break before starting high school i found out i had a half-sister and it was not under good circumstances, turns out she was older than i am but absolutely hated her!

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
i started high school wanting to make sure it was not like primary and i was successfull, starting fresh and a much happier person i started high school and quickly became best friends with the of our group and soon became the head myself, life was great! i had so many friends, everybody liked me and i was funny and had everything going for me, i made the vic soccer girls squad, i captained our school teams, i was elected house captain

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
i won all round sports woman that year and everything was going so well, a week before i was ment to play nationals i had been slide tackled and tore my acl and chipped my knee cap bone so i couldnt play and needed a knee reconstuction, egar to get back into it 2 years later i began training again with a family friend i was brought up with and was close with and had become best friends over the last few years

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   
soccer was our thing and wat we did together, her dad was a 2nd dad to me and i adored him, two weeks after we began training her father died in a accident out at sea, 3 weeks later she was killed in a car accident and my world began falling apart. I a few months later was electer for a school camp were i met this boy who was amazing and all the girls thought was god's gift, he was a shy boy and didnt really speak much

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
we started talking and got together, and soon became each others entire world, i let go of all my friends, i changed entirely as a person nobody had ever cared for me like this before, two years into our relationship he started to make higher leagues in his sport and slowly we started to drift apart, we recovered and got through it all, our 3rd year of dating he made the top elite level and it changed everything!

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 10:02 AM (GMT -7)   
his family who he'd never been close with all of a sudden wanted to be his world and said horrible things about me to everybody and tried to turn everyone against me due to jealousy, i was labelled a gold digger by there entire family as well as several over things which i am far from! my boyfriend caught in the middle didnt know what to do, his older sister and her friends constant taumented me and pulled my hair and hit me

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 10:05 AM (GMT -7)   
i although loved my boyfrend knew it was best to walk away, i turned to someone for support and we ended up having feeling for each other, altho mine were not genuine and more was rebound which i feel horrible for but was so messed up i had no idea. My boyfrend begged me to get back with him because im all he needs etc i still loved him and needed him so we got back together. He didnt see his family for 4 months and everything was perfect!

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
he one day made us go and visit them and it all started again excpet this time he started to join in and put me down and tear me apart with the hurtful things said, id told him everything and it felt like it was all being used against me, i was a bright girl with hopes to achieve quite high on my year 12 exams and in turn ended up not studying at all due to all the other drama, he wont leave him family but wont let me go and to be honest i dont want to

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
we fight alot but i love him and need him more than air, iv wanted to end my life so many times but always found the strength to keep fighting through it, iv fallen into depression because my worlds come crashing down and i hav no one in my life that cares about me, im taumented and so frightened to leave the house in fear of being judged as its all he ever does along with everyone aswell as always critisis me

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 10:18 AM (GMT -7)   
i have not slept in 3 days and havnt had a proper sleep for months, i hardly eat anymore half a mandarin is enough to fill me for the day and i feel sick if i eat anymore, iv lost so much weight, im frightened of everything, i cry all day and night everyone says i do it attention but im really suffering, my lifes falling apart, my bodies shutting down and i never hav energy and have severe panic attacks were i struggling to breathe and hav heart stabbing pains

sass1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/12/2009 10:21 AM (GMT -7)   
iv hurt before but never like this, overtime its all added up and is fraying me inside out, i dont hav energy to get out of bed anymore i cant handle being so alone and unwanted, i feel usless and good for nothing. I dont know what to do, help me someone please!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 11/12/2009 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Sass,
 
It really sounds to me as if you need to see your doctor at this time.  You have been through a lot and it is taking a toll on your health. 
 
Life isn't easy in any respect.  There will always be struggles, but you can get help.  Maybe medications, hopefully counseling.  You have to think of your health.  You are not sleeping or eating, you are running yourself down.  This is a serious problem and you need help.  Please see a doctor.
 
I hope that you start feeling better soon.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Willowrose
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 11/12/2009 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Sass,

It's a positive step that you wrote about your experience and are seeking help. This is a good place to come for support. I hope you will also see your doctor because they can help you get through this in the short term with medication and maybe a referral to a counselor who can help you in the longer term. Getting into a local support group or group therapy situation could also help you build a network of people who are caring and supportive. Please get help, and keep sharing.

Take care,

Rose
I have Lyme; it doesn't have me.


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/12/2009 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
hello Sass,
 
I would totally agree with Karen in regard's to ur situations!!!
You truly need to see somebody that you are comfortable with and talk and get it all out there!! Maybe you might need some medication for the depression and anxiety, but the most important thing for you right now is to eat,sleep & really look after yourself!! Believe me my darling for the last couple of weeks my life has become hell on earth,to the point that I dont care anymore to the point that i'm not eating anything at all as all I have is liquid and that's not good as I have an ileostomy and I have to eat to live. Please dont get like me because in the last 2 weeks or so I've gone from a size 10-12 to 7-8 and im very tall so i look sick and i also have cold sores all over my mouth,lip's ect!! My hair,skin and everything is affected by me not LOOKING AFTER MYSELF. Please start eating and just do what your body tell's you to do. Look you have probarly heard all of this before but I dont want you to go down the same path that im going down ok my love. Sorry I just care to much and hate to see other people suffer it's not fair............
 
 
please take care of YOU ONLY,
 
damaged............. nono nono
 
P.S. Im not having a go at you ok,I just care.........  xxxx
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/12/2009 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
  Sass please get some sleeeeeeeeeeep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
smurf   smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf
 
And Eat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
nono   nono nono nono nono nono nono nono nono nono nono nono nono nono nono nono
 
 
BE GOOD OK...................  XX
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 

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