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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/12/2009 7:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't even know what to say. I have constant thoughts of wanting to just die...though I would never commit suicide. I've struggled with         myself for nearly 10 years, but not in attempt to kill myself. I get so numb, to the point that I seemingly cant feel anything whether it be emotionally or otherwise and so I cut myself a little bit to feel SOMETHING. By no means have I had the hardest upbringing, and that seems to make things all the more difficult. I live in a good part of town and have great freinds and plenty of resources. I KNOW I shouldnt feel like this, but I do and its so confusing and frustrating. I don't feel out of my mind or crazy. I feel like I'm a smart, reasonable person, but then I see the                            next to my bed. I used to be pretty open about the way I feel but even my closest friends, through no fault of their own, start to think im just out for attention or because I seemingly have my life together, things cant really be that bad. I just feel alone. I feel like I should be able to snap out of this. I don't feel like a man (im 26). I'm just having a hard time believing im destined for anything other than a life of cycles like this, which is really just an existence, not a life at all.
I don't even know why I'm writing this. I just want to feel something.
sorry for the edit, but by rules I had to take out a few words.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/12/2009 5:07:05 PM (GMT-7)

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/12/2009 7:08 PM (GMT -6)   
I apologize.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40384
   Posted 11/12/2009 7:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,
Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum.  You will find friends and validation here.  You are a good person, feeling nothing?  I think you feel sad.
Have you talked to a doctor about the way that you are feeling?  This might be a good idea because you could have a physical problem going on that you don't know about.  Or you could have depression and need it to be treated. 
People can have everything in the world, but if they are depressed, they are not going to enjoy any of it.  Though you say you had a good upbringing and are fortunate to have what you need, this doesn't mean that you can't have depression.  And if you do, you are not going to be happy.  This is normal for a depressed person.  But it doesn't mean that you necessarily have to continue to live this way.  Depression is treatable.  So see your doctor. 
You seem to easily open up.  Counseling could be a good idea.  So take some initiative with this situation.  Grab the bull by the horns so to speak, and get some help. 
Keep posting and know that we are here for you. 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/12/2009 8:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your reply.
I don't have a doctor nor do I have insurance to be able to see one right now. I had been in counseling ever since I was 5-6 years old, and feel like it helped to an extent to identify what was going on and dig a bit deeper to the root of issues. I feel like now I'm aware and have identified those things but am still unable to change the way I feel.

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/12/2009 9:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Hugs to you! Just know you are loved by others! Don't feel alone! You are truly loved

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 173
   Posted 11/12/2009 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   


Then find someone to give you the funds to go the doctors or find a community health clinic that works on a sliding scale.

You need to seek help for your feelings the sooner the better.  I have been there and actually in a double depression now.  Seeing a psychiatrist and started my antidepressants again.  Not perfect yet but feel much better than I did a month ago.

Everyone is here to help you but you also need to help yourself.  You may need medication and more talk therapy.  Please seek it out so you can enjoy life again.


Humour is always the Best Medicine!
Fibromyalgia, DDD, 2 herniated Lumbar discs, Migraine, Dysthmic Disorder, Anxiey, Panic Attacks, OsteoArthritis Knee, Carpal Tunnel both hands, Currently Double Depression

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/15/2009 1:41 AM (GMT -6)   
hello Vlade,
I would like to say hello and tell you that you are not alone,as long as you come here and just talk and let it all out!! Dont do what i usually do and hold it all in,since coming to this forum i have opened up so much,i have talked about thing's that i would have never imagined,my childhood ect!! Also about my daughter being a drug addict that was so hard but when it's all done and out it makes you feel so much better. Please keep posting and it will help even if it's just a little of ur shoulder's ok.
take care of YOU,
damaged........... scool
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................

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