Words that Trigger me - Please, I request they stop

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Naps With Cats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 11/15/2009 3:54 AM (GMT -7)   
With Severe Depression, PTSD, Anxiety and Panic,
following are words that really, really trigger me and, I'm guessing, might trigger some others' too:
 
- Dear
- Dearest
- My Love
- Sweetheart
- Darling
- My Sweet
- Hon
- Honey
- any other sickly name (to me)
 
It matters not to me what your intentions are for using these words in place of my name, I would ask that people on these boards, especiallly Depression, Anxiety, PTSD and other more clinically emotional (or non-clinical, doesn't matter) sites be wary that what you are saying may very well be triggerig some deep-seeded stuff; and, a LOT for me anyways, I put my name at the bottom of my posts and ask anyone who responds to me to refer to me by my name or by nickname, but never, ever with those words.  I find them absolutely degrading.
 
I would suggest you get to know a person and ask if they are okay with being referred to by these names if you feel you must use them.
 
Again, no matter what the intention, I find these types of references to mysel disgusting, degrading, unauthentic and request to be referred to at all times by my name or nickname - and never, ever with an of these or similar-type words.
 
Thank you.
 
Julie O'

Post Edited (Naps With Cats) : 11/15/2009 4:04:11 AM (GMT-7)


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 11/15/2009 7:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Julie,
In case I have offended you I would like to apologise to you. I do sometime use similiar words to convey caring and empathy, and I am sorry if they offended you. I do want to assure you that my words were not fake, and never meant harm. 
Navy (just someone who does not use their real name for security reasons)


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Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 11/15/2009 7:20:00 AM (GMT-7)


Naps With Cats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 11/15/2009 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much, Navy,
 
It never bothers me about others having nicknames - I was in a lawsuit and on a site that helped me extremely, but I NEEDED to remain anonymous as they found every other site I'd been on.
 
 
I seem to remember your name when I was on way back when I started.  I don't recall your ever using those words to me and, if I knew you well enough on line to know your intentions it wouldn't bother me at all. 
 
Just happen to be hypersesitive and hypervigilent (and even a little argumentive these days, even  mainly about upholding fairness, sticking up for bullies, the law - everything. Highly emotional these days because of recent events that have occurred.
 
For understanding purposes (I hope):  These types of referals written to me are equivolent to a cerain tone that I am very, very hyersensitive about from past trauma.
 
If you are indeed a servceman/woman, retired or still serving - THANK YOU for your service to the United States of America, you are quadruply appreciated!!
 
And your understanding of my dilemma is appreciated. 
 
There is no blame here on anyone, just wanted to say it up front that this is how I am and I
do get triggered by these and similar words unless I know someone really well.
 
I wrote to one of the moderators after receiving 2 responses to another sensitive post - 2 out of three having these words and one being a moderator, but the moderatr I wrote to never got back to me about it, so I'm just posting this because this site is truly invaluable to me and I want to keep coming here w/out feeling these awful triggers - just some of which I'm trying to get away from. 
 
Julie O'

Post Edited (Naps With Cats) : 11/15/2009 9:24:08 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/15/2009 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Julie,

I have a bad habit of calling people sweetie, I hope I haven't done that to you. If so sorry. I try to go by forum names, but often just say "hi there". I say that a lot at work.

Hope that you are feeling better. Sorry if I offended you in any way.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Naps With Cats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 11/15/2009 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
No  Karen,
 
Not offended at all - I know people have their own way of speaking and thank you
for explaining you use this a lot, it helps me to feel safe.
 
I've just had bad experiences with the words as referred to me in lieu of my name,
nickname - I don't mind "Hi there" at all.
 
Thank you for explaining and I feel closer to you already!  :o)
 
Sorry I'm such a Schnoozle-berry-poo!
 
Julie O'

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/15/2009 12:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Julie,

I understand completely. If there are memories of the past, it is only natural that you would feel uncomfortable.

Hope that you are having a good day.

Many hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Naps With Cats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 11/15/2009 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for understanding, Karen!
 
I definitely do not mean any emotional harm to anyone - it's just that I've become so absolutely
hypervigilent after so much that's happened throughout my life, I feel compelled to speak up now.
It gets me in a lot of trouble now, too - but this is who I am now.
 
I'm really glad you really got what I was saying - I get a lot of people receiving what I'm saying
as a personal attack and it's absolutely not.  I'm just having to stick up for myself because no
one else is.
 
Thank you and hugs back,
 
Julie O' 
 
 
 
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