i need help with controling my manic behaviour...... help!!!!!!!!!!!

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damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/18/2009 8:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello can anyone please give me some tip's to control my "full on manic behaviour"? I am so hyper to the point that i cant sit still but am also having "teary" outbursts when i even hear my daughter's name mentioned to me. i am feeling out of control.
please help me........ive never been this confused shocked shocked shocked
 
thankyou 4 any reply,
 
damagedgoods41. shakehead shakehead
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 11/18/2009 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   
The only thing that I can think of beverly is to calm your thoughts down. Maybe focus on your breathing and slow your heart rate down some with some calm breathing. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Called smelling the roses and blowing out the candles. But Beverly, I wonder if somebody on the bi polar forum could help you more than I could. Maybe you should ask this question there.

you need to slow down your mind though. Find something that you can concentrate to get your mind off of other things. Focus on tv or read in a quiet room. Put on some relaxing music. I think that you will find that slowing yourself down will bring you to an even plane. Otherwise you are going to be facing highs and lows.

I hope that you can get this under control.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/18/2009 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   
DEAR KAREN,
HOPE UR WELL?? THANKYOUR FOR THE REPLY, UR VERY KIND. I WILL TRY AND ASK ON THE OTHER AS YOU SUGGESTED AS IM SO OUT OF CONTROL IT'S SCARY!!!! iVE NEVER HAD IT THIS BAD........

THANKS AGAIN KAREN,

DAMAGED.... XXXXXX
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/18/2009 10:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Beverley,

Take some of your valium if you haven't yet and try to do some things which are calming but which also use a little energy up: taking a walk. Write in a journal. Nothing too "triggering" like cleaning or anything self-damaging.

If you are bipolar, or if you think you are having a manic episode (it's lasted a couple of days, it's been building, worsening) then you need to call your doc and let them know. This is important because if you are bipolar and truly having mania, you shouldn't be on an anti-depressant alone. Anti-depressants alone can actually worsen mania. (That doesn't mean you should stop taking it!!!) In order to calm mania you need other classes of drugs entirely. If this just sprung on you today, your anxiety may be at a fever pitch, and again your doc can help with that.

Until you talk to your doc and get this straightened out, there are a couple things you can do. Try to only engage in calming, fulfulling activities (like cooking or baking, maybe) and avoid triggering ones (like being around your family.) If thinking or hearing about your daughter is distressing you, then avoid it. Stay in your room and try to calm yourself by writing, drawing, reading a book. If you can't sit still, try getting out of the house. I like to go walk around my local department store and not buy anything, just look. I go to the library or bookstore. I go to the local cafe for a change of scene. I go to the park and listen to the birds.

Finally, try to get to bed at a reasonable time tonight and get some good sleep. Sleep disturbances exacerbate stress and definitely mania, so try to get to bed and sleep.

I hope this is helpful and you feel better soon.

Take care of yourself,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18774
   Posted 11/18/2009 11:55 PM (GMT -7)   
yes to sarafena in regards to sleep. if you do not mania will increase. i have suffered with and been dx with aggitated mania. sarafena has some excellent steps there.  all the best. jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/19/2009 2:02 AM (GMT -7)   
hi Serafena and Jamiee,
 
How are u both?? Hope all is going well for the both of you?? Thankyou for the reply's there are some great tip's for me to try. I have also been working everyday this week and 2morrow is my big job cleaning a 110 sq ft home for a young couple who are very wealthy,but Frida that's her name she also has an ileostomy and has chronic athritis and cant hardly even walk so im loving it but the work is very hard being such a huge home to clean. Anyway that's my problem. Is it possible that because im out all day lately working then i come home do more house work,
washing,ironing ect!!! I literally dont stop lately and could that make me even worse than i am. Do i slow down or just keep going like i am.
I cant wind down at night, when i go to bed my mind just races and i cry myslef to sleep every night. I feel STRANGE like im not in control??
Ive had manic episodes before but not like this. I feel invinsible like nothing or no one can touch me!!!! But am still crying all the time to. So very confusing to feel this way. Everything i do i do really fast it's like im a hyperactive 3yr old who's had to much
RED Cordial?????   I have to get to my Doc A>S>A>P.........
Also ive taken a valium about an hour ago and am still fully hyper??
 
Thanks again for ur reply's,
 
ur so very kind all of you,
 
damagedgoods41..... shocked shocked idea idea
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 11/19/2009 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Goods,
I think it is a really good idea to call your doctor right away & ask for an urgent appointment.
 
In case it is helpful, below is a link to a website that explains different types of bipolar disorder.  There are rapid cycling & mixed forms of bipolar.  Only a mental health professional can diagnose you, but perhaps reading through the descriptions of the symptoms would help you understand a bit more about the what bipolar can look like.
 
 
Please take care of yourself & be safe.  You are not really invincible.  I know it feels that way, but that's why getting help is so important.  A doctor can help you get to a point where you feel good -- not invincible, not sad & crying... just happy, safe & stable. :)
 
feel better,
frances

damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/19/2009 11:17 PM (GMT -7)   
hello Frances_2008,
 
Thankyou kindly for ur reply to me. I know that i have to see my pdoc a.s.a.p. but at the moment im so busy with my new business that im not even getting a day when i can even go and see him. Also because ive taken on some new client's i cant turn down any work as they wont want me back again if im not reliable. Like 2day i left at 7.30am and have just walked through the door at 4.45pm and my doc has gone home by then so i dont know what else to do in that respect. I was also on a medication for bi-polar last time i was in the Pshyc Unit but it made me very ill with side effects so i stopped taking it and have never asked my pdoc for anything as he doesn't know i stopped it!! I know that im very manic at this time and i hate it. it scares me as im out of control. The money i earn each day im spending like it's going out of fashion,full on energy to the point that i cant wind down at all. Ive tried to read,listen to music,write in my journal ect!!! NOTHING>>>>
 
Thankyou again Frances,
 
damaged.........  xxxxx
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 11/19/2009 11:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Beverly,

Please listen to Frances, tell the doc that you quit taking the medication and let them know what is going on. You are at a high right now. But you could crash. And I don't want to see that happen. I don't think that you do either. But you have to be honest with your doctor in order to get the help that you need. Don't take on too many clients to where you can't take care of yourself. You have to come first. So make that appointment. And then work around it. Save your money so that you can pay for it. Dont' be spending too much.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/20/2009 12:09 AM (GMT -7)   
shocked  hi Frances,
 
The medications that i was on were SEROQUEL & CYMBALTA but between the both of them i became very ill.  and the seroquel just made me nod off all the time i used to fall asleep in my food,spill my hot drinks on me as all i did was nod all the time and the cymbalta made me shake my ileostomy was constant watery output it blurred my vision,no sleep and nausea to the point that i had to stop!! Do you know much about abilify?? I have asked my G>P> about it and he say's that he need's an authority to supply it to me so what;s the problem with him doing that for me?? My diagnoses was bi-polar11 when i was in the pshyc unit last year and prior to that when they also said i had o.c.d!! I have some cymbalta here at home that i had stopped tsking do u think i should try them again and see how i cope with them this time around??? Anyone's input re this would be much appreciated.
 
Thanks again,
 
damagedgoods41........ shocked shocked shocked shocked   Thats how i look to like my eye's are bolging out of my head!!!!!
 
 
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/20/2009 12:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Karen,
Hope ur doing well to?? Thankyou for the reply. Yes i have to get to my pdoc as this is getting out of hand and very scary as i feel so high,but also so low at other times. im crying all the time but i also feel really good in other way's and my energy levels are out of this world. But as you have said im going to come crashing down and i know it and that's very frightening for me as i know what happen's when i do!!! And im just worried to about all my new client's as they rely upon me to be there to clean there homes for them and if i say no they wont have me back again and i cant let that happen. I also know that i have to stop spending my money like it's nothing to me as i really do need it but at the time i dont care at all??

thanks so very much Karen,


LOOK AFTER YOU!!!!!!!!

damagedgoods41....... :))))))))))))))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/20/2009 12:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Karen i forgot to ask you if you know anything about smoking you know what?? M******** just a night time. Does it make you worse or does it really help?? My brother has given me some to try so i can sleep and try and slow myself down. What do you think. Does it make ur depression any worse. I dont know about this kind of stuff.

Thanks again,

damaged................... BIG TIME>>>>>>>
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 11/20/2009 10:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Beverly,

I take abilify and it has worked wonders for me. I would definately bug the doctor about it. You might have to be talking to a pdoc to get it. But it is worth it. I love it. And I haveen't been severly depressed since I have been taking it and that is for over a year now. It is a good mood stabilizer.

We aren't allowed to discuss mj on the forum, but it might be good for you at night. That is all I can say about it.

I hope that you get the abilify. It doesn't work the same for everybody, but it does work for me. I hoep that you can get it.

I wish for you the most wonderful day. You have been working so hard. I am happy that your job is going so well. You are a wonderful person and I know that you are trying really hard. Start saving up for moving out of your parents house. I think that would make your life much better.

Take care my dear friend. Don't forget you can always email me if you want to talk.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/21/2009 12:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Karen, Hw are you?? Doing well I hope. And how's work going for you?? Keeping busy i hope. Thanks again for the reply. Hopefully i may be able to see my pdoc on Monday coming, but not confirmed as yet. The sooner the better as i cant go like this anymore as it's ruining my "life". The worst part is being so high but so so low at the same time.
And my anger is getting so much worse which is totally out of my character. I'm normally cool,calm and collective. I went to see my Grandaughter Tahlia 2day for the day and it was lovely we had a great time, but i was snapping at her to and i feel terrible for doing so. I did say sorry to her an tried to explaine that Nanny is not to well at the moment and i didn't mean to snap. It's hard to tell a 3yr old how ur feeling. Also when i picked her up i was talking to Jessica who is Tahlia's
Auntie as she has been looking after Tahlia for the last 2 yrs on and off.
She is the legal carer at the moment until  go to court an apply. Anyway when i saw Jess i thought Wow she look's sick and i thought she looked pregnant then Jess said to me I have some bad news Bev "OVARIAN CANCER" well im totally devestated as she is only 32yrs old and loves Tahlia like she's her own!! So now my lans for moving to Englnd have come to a stop as i will be having custody of Tahlia and Jesse's son who is only 5yrs old is going to her Parent's while they try and sae her but she's left it so late.. I cant coe with this to at the moment as everything just goes so wrong not only for me but Jess and other stuff. It's just to much to take in. I only lost a close friend last year from suicied and she was 37 and im still grieving her loss to. How do I cope with all this as i dont feel strong enough at this time.  ??????????????????????????
 
Take care Karen,
 
tahnks for letting me vent again.....
 
damaged.......   xxxxxxxxxxxx cry cry shakehead shakehead
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/21/2009 1:25 AM (GMT -7)   
god im so angry. I just spoke to my Dad about me having my Grandaughter to stay with me until i can get a house of my own
due to Jess's diagnoses and he turned around and said to me "NO" put her into foster care as she will be better off??? IO cant believe he can do and say that about his own GREAT GRANDAUGHTER who is 3yrs old!!! That is just cruel as she will never ever go to foster care as long as i live!!! Why does he do this to me. He wont even give me a chance to find a house on my own.  BUT I WONT LET HER GO!!!!!     She's the only reason that i keep going on this earth otherwise i wouldn'tt e here anymore a i hate life.......
 
 
damaged....... EVEN MORE>>>>>>
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 11/21/2009 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Beverly,
 
I am saying prayers for youn that this will all work out.  Can't you take her with you when you move?  Maybe you don't have to go all the way to England, just get a nice peaceful place of your own.  That way she could still see her daughter under supervision of course. 
 
I am sorry to hear about Jess.  But hopefully they can get the cancer out.  And she will be fine.  She is in my prayers right now.  Have faith sweetheart, this will all be okay.  One day at a time, you need to take care of you first.  Then the rest will fall into place, you don't want to be responsible for your granddaughter until you get yourself situated.  Being bipolar is hard.  And you said that you were short with her.  So get yourself taken care of first and then go from there.  This is very important for you right now.  You want to be even tempered when you have her.  And dont' worry about her going into foster care.  Once you take care of you, you will be able to handle the rest.  I have faith in you my friend.
 
I hope that your day goes better.  ONe day at a time, don't forget that.  One moment at a time when we need to. 
 
Be good to yourself.  I will talk to you again soon.
 
Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 11/21/2009 12:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Beverly,
 
I think Karen may be on to something about getting yourself help first.  I can't say I can relate to the manic episode you are going through right now, but my mom is bipolar & stopped treatment when she got pregnant with me & never went back on her meds.  Honestly, it was really hard on me growing up.  She thought she was so wonderful when she was in her manic phases, but that was much harder on us than when she was severely depressed.  She would be awake for most of the night working on some "project" -- whether it was something for work, for the home, or just some random crafty thing.  She would go shopping & spend too much & then she & my dad would get into a fight.
 
They never told us what was going on until we were adults & we would worry about all sorts of things watching our mom flit about from one thing to the next -- talking a mile a minute, not making a lot of sense, talking about all the things she had accomplished & all the things she planned to accomplish.  She would write lists of tasks 2 full pages long & get them all done in one day.  But I wished she had accomplished a quarter of those things & then just sat down to relax.  Because I never learned how to relax or sit still as a child & it both wore me out & got me in a lot of trouble. (I finally got help my second year as a teacher when I saw one of my young students misbehaving & we found out his mom was bipolar.  I realized that like him, I had picked up a lot of behaviors from my own home & they were keeping me from being healthy in my work life, my friendships & even in my time alone -- which I thought had to be filled every second with activity until I burned myself out & wasn't able to do anything at all.)
 
I've heard my mom hundreds of times make the exact same statement about not being able to tell clients "no" without some sort of terrible consequence.  That there was too much to do & already too little time & there was just NO WAY she could fit in a counseling or doctor's appointment.  But the thing is that we make time for the things that are important to us.  She always found the time to fit in another client, to make another batch of cookies, or to go on another shopping spree.  We make time for things that are important to us.
 
You have so much to live for.  So much to be happy for.  So much to be healthy for.  Having one dose of one drug not work is very, very common.  Probably just about everyone on this forum has had that experience.  The average number of meds that need to be tried for depression before finding one that works is 3.  Many people then need to add on a second medication to really feel well.  I would imagine having bipolar might make it even more complicated.  Seroquel often does make people feel tired.  Maybe taking it only at night so that you can sleep would be an option your doctor would consider.  I do think you need to find a way to get 8-9 hours of sleep somehow.  Depression & mania are both made worse by not getting enough sleep.
 
Please do get into the doctor on Monday.  It really is so important.  If you can't do it just for yourself, do it for your granddaughter.  Children need healthy mothers (which is what you would essentially be if you had sole custody of her).  They need healthy, mentally stable caretakers much more than they need ones who make a lot of money or have their own place.  I know that in an ideal world you would provide all of those things.  But if you have to choose one to start with -- and you do -- choose to be happy, healthy & stable.  Choose to fight both the depression & mania.  Choose to keep fighting that battle until you start winning.  And then, once things are stable, you will have so much more energy to face the next battle and fight for your granddaughter.
 
And please talk to your doctor about using m*.  None of us here are doctors & we don't know anything about your general health or health history.  Keep in mind, though, that in many areas it is illegal.  Even if it is legal in your state, it is still illegal under U.S. federal law & if you are going to fight for custody, that can sometimes be counted against you.
 
peace,
frances

damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/21/2009 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Karen & Frances,
 
I have just read ur reply's and yes your both so very correct in what i have to do with getting myself back onto my mood stablizers and get some councelling. Frances im so sorry that ur childhood was so terribly bad for u with ur Mother having bi-polar. It must have been so very hard for you growing up with all of that going on and yes i can understand what your telling me in regard's to me having to say "no" to my client's as i wont be any good to them,Tahlia,Jess and everyone else in my life. I know that im out of control at this time and i have to get the HELP i deserve and need. Also sorry about mentioning the M word on the forum that was not a good thing for me to ask. SORRY KAREN. And Karen u know how you said i will come crashing down,well it's starting to happen NOW as all i can do at the minute is just sob and i cant stop. I hate to feel like this,it's like you have no control of ur whole being!!! And yes im very sad about Jessica as she deserves a good life but again life has given her another "cruel blow". Jess has also had a very hard life she is a single mom of a 5yr old Matthew and i just a very kind, and special person and if anything does happen it will break my heart and TAHLIA"S as she adores Jess??? I also dont know what to say to her at this time as she is so scared about dying from this... What do you say to a beatuiful person who will most probarly die very young!!!
Im not a very religious person but last night when i went to bed i actually asked "if there is a god could you please help Jessica to stay alive and live a long life" it's the very first time that i have said a prayer for anyone.  Life's just very cruel at times.  Anyway Frances i will most certainly take ur great advise and do what you have suggested to me otherwise it's just going to get much worse. I even said to my mom thismorning while i was sobbing that i have to get to my doc in the morning bacause the way im heading i will be back in the Pshyc Unit again and i dont want that.  Thanks again for letting me vent. And again thx to both of you for ur continues "SUPPORT AND UNDERSTANDING".
 
I Hope you both have a great day/night!!!
 
sincerely,
 
damaged...... cry cry sad sad
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 11/21/2009 6:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Beverly,
You are such a loving, caring person.  I really believe that once you get some help with the bipolar you will be able to sort out in your mind exactly what to say to your daughter to support her & to help her find some measure of peace.  I do sincerely hope your prayer is answered & that on top of that that somehow you & your family would find a measure of peace & understanding during a very difficult time.
 
I do know there are support groups for loved ones of terminal patients.  Of course we all hope that Jessica pulls through & lives a long life, but even if she's not terminal there still may be something to be gained by meeting with other people with very sick loved ones.  I know my friend's mom went when my friend was so sick.  Like you, her mom was very wise & already knew much of what to say to comfort her daughter, but the group did help her find the right words from within her own heart to speak to her daughter in the midst of all the fear, anxiety & grief of those last days.  Her mom had a very strong faith, but I think that losing a child in their 20's is bound to tear apart anyone's heart.  Her daughter fought bravely for 6 years.  She had ups & downs.  Some treatments helped for a while.  But my friend's cancer was so rare.  Since it starts in the blood, even catching it early is too late because the bloodstream had spread it all over her body by the time they very first small tumors were caught.
 
Truly though, her life was more beautiful than most who live to 80.  She accomplished so much in 25 years & touched so many people with her kindness, wisdom & courage.  She was described by those who first met her as "fearless".  But her family & close friends knew that she was as afraid as anyone else, she just didn't let that become the focus of her life.  More than hearing all the "comforting" words that people would sometimes try to come up with, she mostly just wanted to pretend that things were fine.  She wanted to know about our days, to make little gifts for everyone who visited her, to read, to write ... all the things that we always think of when we think of really living.  And at the very end, she wanted to know if we could let her go.  She waited for her mom's permission & said that the most comforting word of all was the single word answer she, after weeks of waiting, finally received.
 
It was painful to watch her mom go through that.  More painful even than watching my good friend die.  I truly hope & pray you never have to face that, but sometimes it does happen.  And people are always afraid.  But that's why we have others in our lives -- so we don't have to face the most difficult times all alone.  I really think that you being with your daughter brings more comfort to her than any words ever could -- but when words need to be spoken, you will know.  Keep in mind that just as you are there to support your daughter, there are a lot of people in this world who can & want to support you.  Whether that is some sort of group meeting, counseling, medication, prayer, friends, or someone/something else, there is help out there and you don't have to face this alone.
 
peace,
frances

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 11/21/2009 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Beverly,
 
I got all my wreaths and swags up to the animal shelter today.  So that is over.  They were going out the door before I could get them hung up.  I was happy to see that.  This whole thing makes me feel so good. 
 
Now to you, Beverly, you sure do have a lot on your plate right now.  I think that you should write down everything that is going on and talk to your doctor about it all.  Let him know that you have been manic, and then you crash.  Let him know that you will most likely be having the little ones come to live with you and you want to have your moods stabilized.  I too had a manic mother and it was scarey to me, but she was mean.  And it was truly horrible, it effected me for years.  So you definately want your moods stabilized.  Mention abilify, that is what I take, it is really good for me, maybe it would be for you too.  But I was taking risperdal. It was good too, but I gained wieght on it.  Though that doesn't mean that you would.  I guess everybody is different. 
 
I just know that you need to get on an even keel.  IF I spelled that right.  You know what I mean.  In the middle I guess.  You are a good woman.  And I know that you are a good grandmother.  Raising these kids is going to take everything that you have.  It will be a challenge, but it will work out.  And it is a blessing that they have you.  But you want to have your moods under control and your energy level well level.  You should be able to still work, and hopefully get some help from the government for what you are doing.  This could all be a blessing in disguise.  Something that was meant to be.
 
I think it is going to work out wonderful.  Keep us posted on what is going on.  And don't be paying much attention to what your mom or dad has to say about it.  Your mind is made up.  I think the government will also help you with houseing.  You don't have to move far, but plan on moving out.  This is for you and the grandchildren...
 
A new start...
 
Know my thoughts and prayers are with you all right now, especially Jessica, for healing.  And again I will mention that if you ever want to, email me.  My address is in my profile.  Please, feel free to. 
 
I hope that you have a good night/day.  Go easy on yourself, breathe, and think good thoughts.  Write if you want, I will be up for a while anyways. 
 
Take care,
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/22/2009 11:04 PM (GMT -7)   
hi Karen & Frances,
 
Just letting u know that i saw my G>P> 2day and she has started me back on SEROQUEL just until i see my pdoc on the 16th of December and she will be pescribing me the ABILIFY so ive actually gotten somewhere 2day. I also have to go and see my GYNE for some HRT GEL that lovely Jamiee totld me about.
It's very expensive but if i work's i dont really care. My mood is getting lower and im starting to crash so my doc wants to see me every 4 day's to keep an eye on me as she is concerned for my wellbeing??? Thankyou bothe again for ur support....
 
sincerly,
 
damagedgoods41.......  confused turn confused turn
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 11/23/2009 9:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Beverly,

I am so happy for you. Computer messing up again, so this will be short. Keep your chin up. You will get through this. And we are here to help you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 11/23/2009 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   
blush   hi to all,
 
Yesterday i went to my doc and she has started me back on Seroquel.
she told me to take half a tab yesterday which i did then 2day take a full tab then the next day 1 1/2 then 2 three times a day, so i will be on 600mgs per day?? Does anyone think this is to high as all i do is nod off all the time and feel all floaty in the body??? Also my mania has just about hit a wall as im crashing very hard. 2day im finding it hard to do anything as im just wacked out all day. My doc told me off to for stopping the seroquel,but i told her what it does but she said that i NEED to be on the stuff which i hate.
Anyway enough of that. My business is going really well and im having to knock back some new client's as i dont have the time to take any new one's on at this time. I must admit though i am really enjoying just getting out of the house and doing something with my life. But i do know that i have to stop running myself down as in not eating properly,not sleeping much maybe 3-4hrs is all im getting at the minute.
My doc has also done some more bloodwork on me as im covered in bruises and have all these tiny little white sores all over and when i scratch them they bleed alot??? She think's it's stress but is testing to make sure all is ok.
Karen im glad to hear that ur doing well?? Are you keeping busy with ur work and all the wreath making?? How's it all going for you?? Truly well i hope. And again thanks for ur kind word's to me it means alot!!! Your word's make me cry because ur so very caring.
Hope all have a great day/night!!!! Thx for letting me vent a little again.
 
sincerly,
 
damaged........... cool sad cool
dx bowel cr 2001. permanent ileostomy.
sub-total colectomy 2001,went wrong.
total colectomy 2001,left swab inside,infected,emergency surgery,blood transfusion.
complication 2001,bowel abcess,surgery.
Infection at lap site,another surgery.
Complication's 2001,bowel heamorage,blood transfusion.
Spent 12mths at Cabrini Hospital.
dx 1993 endometriosis chronic.
27 yrs, hysterectomy.
2mths later, bi-lat ophrectomy,removal of both ovaries.
dx 2005,bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on operating table,contracted MRSA in Coronary Care Unit.
Picc Line for 6mths for venus access & daily antibiotics.
dx 1995,chronic depression,ocd,? Bi-Polar11.
Am currently taking Avanza for depression and valium for anxiety,PRN only............................
I THINK THIS IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH!!!!
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 11/24/2009 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there Beverly,
 
I am so happy that your business is going well for you.  That is wonderful.  I am sure that it keeps you busy.  You must do a really good job because so many people want you.  Word of mouth is good advertisement. 
 
I wonder if your loopiness will go away over time.  Maybe it is just a side effect and will change in a couple of weeks.  I am glad that you are back on the meds, no more highs and then crash and burning. nono    Try to stay on them as long as you can tolerate it.  I know it is hard, especially when you are use to having all that energy.  But it gets bad in the long run and you want to be on an even keel.  I think that is the right word.
 
Dharma is doing better.  She pooped yesterday and it was normal.  Not a lot, she hasn't been eating much.  But I was so happy.  I know that she is old and I will eventually lose her, but I am just not ready yet.  Both of them are old.  I have had them for a long time.  It is hard when they get to that age.  They have their bad days I guess just like we do.  I am gradually going to to up with her food.  I don't want to feed her too much since she wasn't eating anything at all for days.  Her poor tummy couldn't take it.  But she will get a little more today.  Thanks for caring.  That means a lot to me.
 
I hope that your day goes well, I know that yours starts much earlier than mine, I even think you are a day ahead of me.  At least you don't get snow.  It hasn't snowed here yet, that is wierd.  But it will, it is inevitable (sp).  We have long winters here.  It can really get to a person. 
 
Well, I hope that you are feeling better and that the medications work.  Did she say anything about the abilify?  Did you ask her?  It would be nice if you could try it.  But maybe it isn't for you.  It isn't for all people.  And it can be expensive I guess. 
 
Take care, write again soon.  Well, when you can.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 11/25/2009 9:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Beverley,
Can you maybe try it for a week & see how things go?  You have lost out on so much sleep, your body is probably just trying to catch up.  I know when I haven't slept much for days & then start a medication that will help me unwind, I end up sleeping a lot those first few days, but after 4-5 days I stay awake normal hours.
 
If you're still having those troubles after the holiday, call your doctor's office & let them know about the side effects.  If the Seroquel is otherwise helping you, maybe you just need a med to promote alertness for a little while until your body adjusts.  I've tried Provigil in the past & that worked well for me, but you'd have to see whether it is an option for you or not.  Also, some insurance companies won't cover it except for people with narcolepsy or sleep-shift disorder (though mine covered it & I have neither).
 
Hang in there!  Things are bound to improve.
 
sweet dreams,
frances
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