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NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 11/19/2009 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey HW Friends,

As some of you may know, I've been extremely stressed out with my new move and trying to adjust for school. I don't know yet if I'm coming back after winter break, as I am considering getting a job in the city where I may want to go to school to get residency for cheaper tuition and start over. I've been trying hard to try to be happy here, but I have this horrible tightness in my throat all the time...like the feeling you get when you're trying not to cry, as well as stomach aches. I'm really tired all the time and I found my first gray hair yesterday even though I'm only in my mid twenties! I know Karen gave me great advice to change my situation if I'm not happy, so I am going to look at my finances over the holidays and see what I want to do. I guess the worst case scenario if I quit and move would be that I won't get in to the school I want to attend but I guess that wouldn't be the end of the world as long as I have my health.

Does anyone else get that tightness in their throat that I'm talking about? I'm trying to think of happier thoughts to make it go away.

NW
Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. -Tori Amos


NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 11/19/2009 2:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh one more thing I wanted to ask. Does anyone feel extremely unmotivated to exercise because they are too depressed? I love working out but ever since I got here I feel like I can't because I'm too sad to do something that makes me feel good. It's strange because I go outside to run to feel better but it's like I can't because I'm not happy. Does anyone have any ideas to help me exercise?
Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. -Tori Amos


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 11/19/2009 11:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi NightWish,
 
I know that feeling that you are talking about, I get it when I am trying not to cry.  Maybe you should allow yourself to let it all out.  Go somewhere by yourself and just let go.  That is if that is what you need to do. 
 
Maybe instead of running, you could try walking a little.  It doesn't have to be a lot.  But it seems to help me get motivated.  Usually after I walk, I find I have more energy and initiative to do more.  I know how hard it is though when you are feeling depressed.  But if you go just a little it might make way for more things to come. 
 
Have you been to your doctor lately?  Does he/she know what you are going through?  It sounds like you could use some help in this situation.  Are you seeing a counselor?  Or somebody who could help you make these decisions? 
 
I am glad that you are back on the forum.   I always enjoy reading your posts.  It is good to come here and let things out.  We all understand how you are feeling.  It isn't easy being depressed.  It is a huge struggle especially when you are working and going to school.  I hope that you are able to sort these things out.  We will try to help you.
 
Take care, keep posting.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 11/20/2009 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

I always appreciate your quick replies, thank you so much. I cry pretty hard once a day or every other day, and I do feel better right after I let it all out. I think the tightness is present most when I start thinking about the past decisions that got me to this place or when someone says something that makes me feel really uncomfortable (people here are not accepting of where I am from). So I just panic and try to think of how to get out of this but also how far I already am in the program.

That's a good idea to just try walking. I was cleaning my apartment yesterday and was surprised at what a workout that was. So I can find exercise in other ways just by doing things I think.

I haven't seen a doctor about this stress, but I have met twice with a counselor. I don't really think it's helping. I also tried to seek hypnotherapy but that didn't work either. I don't think I can relax enough to do that. I don't really feel like I have anyone who can help me make this decision. I wish I could talk to an academic advisor who could help me figure out whether leaving is a good idea or a bad investment decision. I don't really feel like I can talk to anyone here because they obviously don't want to lose a student, and the advisors at the school I want to attend will just tell me to apply. I'm going to miss the deadline to start in the fall though, so I couldn't even apply until fall 2010 to start fall 2011. I wonder if that's a short time to wait for something I want or if I'm going to just want to stay here stressed to finish earlier.

Isn't it funny how when we try to do things to help others and prepare for the career we want, we sometimes end up getting hurt in the process? I keep telling myself that this experience is making me a stronger person who will be more compassionate in helping people because I'll know first hand what it feels like to be depressed and stressed by one's environment.
Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. -Tori Amos


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 11/20/2009 10:21 AM (GMT -7)   
These situations do help us to grow, become compassionate and achieve character. It just doesn't happen right away. But this is molding you into the person that you are becomming.

I understand what you say about the career counselors. They would want you to stay in school. So you need to find somebody more objective. Somebody who will look out for your best interest. It is so hard, and I want to tell you to take it one day at a time, but I understand that you have decisions to make. I guess I would say to go with what feels right to you. It kind of looks like you will have to take a little break seeing that you wont be able to get into 2010 or 2011. I think I read that right. So that will give you time to think about what you want to do.

Keep posting, sorry that this is short, I am just in a lot of pain right now from working. I wake up so sore in the morning, or I should say achey. I have been doubling up on my pain pills lately. Time to talk to the doctor I guess. I think he will increase my meds if I need.

I hope that you have a good day. Try to take things in stride. One day at a time, that is how I live. Though there are some things we do have to deal with for future, but the rest needs to be taken as it comes.

You are such a sweet person and I hope that this all works out for the best.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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