Relationship problems, kinda depressed

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Gabby123
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 11/19/2009 7:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone, its been a long time since I've posted anything.  I'm really feeling depressed right now and just need someone to talk to.  I'm having issues and just need some outside input.  My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and he keeps telling me he wants us to live together in an apartment.  He currently lives with a friend and pays this friend 250 dollars a month to rent a room.   My bf doesn't have a career or a decent job, he makes about 8 dollars an hour.  He is 100% convinced he can live off 8 dollars an hour in an apartment by himself.  I tried to tell him thats really hard to do but he won't listen to me, and keeps telling me that I don't want to live with him.  I tell him I'm just trying to be realistic and use some sort of common sense, but no matter what I say he doesn't hear it.  It's really upsetting me and I don't know what to do.  He needs a better job and some type of career but he has no drive to want to at least look for a better job.  I love him a lot but this is really upsetting me.  I don't make much money either and know that it would be extremely stressful to live off of the money I make right now, even if he was paying for the rent.  He says he can do it cause he can just get food stamps and be ok.  I know this sounds stupid but its really depressing me.  I don't know what to do about this cause he just doesn't get it.  Am I in the wrong for thinking this way??  I don't know anymore.  Thanks for reading this, any advice would be appreciated.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/19/2009 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think this sounds stupid, Gabby. It's a real impasse. I think you're being very realistic. Using food stamps is fine when in real need, but why strain when you don't have to? And it's not realistic for the long term. You can't get food stamps indefinitely.

Where do you live right now? With family?

If you want, sit down and make a preliminary budget with your boyfriend. Be realistic about the cost of utilities, phones, insurance, entertainment and food, etc. Call utility companies for averages, etc. for real-life costs of electricity and gas, and other bills. Add these expenses up realistically and see if you could afford to live on your own. Then consider how you would do if one of you lost your job. What would you do?

Don't feel bad about sticking up for yourself. You may be at a critical point in your relationship where he either "gets it" or doesn't. It's your life too, and you shouldn't feel pressured to do something you don't want to.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


Gabby123
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 11/20/2009 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   
    Thanks for replying, Serafena.  I definately will sit down with him and make out a budget plan.   Right now I live with my mom because yes, I did get laid off my job last year and had to move back home due to expenses.   I really think he is being dellusioned (is that a word lol?).  I am glad at least he has a job, that is a good thing, but to live on your own with apartment rent being at least 600 a month plus utilities and only making 8 dollars an hour doesn't even seem applicable.  He always talks about how he can just get food stamps.  I tell him that if you have a job its hard to get food stamps, and they only give you a certain amount they don't completely pay for all your food.  When I got laid off I made about 900 a month in unemployment check and they only gave me 10 dollars a month in food stamps!  I try to tell him but he gets mad and says that I just don't have enough faith in him and in God.  I have a lot of faith in God, but God also wants us to use wisdom in situations. 
      I worry so much about him.  He doesn't have a car, he has a motorcycle.  He doesn't pay anything on his motorcycle befcause his mom bought it for him and doesn't have vehicle insurance.  He doesn't have health insurance either.  He says if something happens to him health wise he can just go to the hospital and not pay the bill.  His motorcycle just broke down last week and cost 200 dollars to fix, which his mom ended up paying it for him.  I understand family helping each other out, but he is 30 years old and I feel he needs to start paying for some of his own things instead of always relying on his mom to pay for things all the time.   He talks about how he wants to marry me and everything, but this whole financial dilema is really upsetting me.  I don't want to bring him home to my parents and they think he's a deadbeat guy or something cause he doesn't want to try to get off food stamps by looking for a decent job.  I am not one to complain about things but this is really really upsetting me.  Thanks for listening
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