I'm always in constant fear.

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 11/24/2009 8:59 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm always scared of everything. Not physically scared but mentally and it makes me all moody and down that I can't voice myself. My mom realizes that I'm always alone and unhappy. I'm not exactly very alone, well I feel as if I am, but I don't do anything with my 'friends' outside of school. We used to go shopping and movies and such but as I got older, I'm 15, I feel as if my depression and negative feelings are changing me. I always have this worried and sad look on me no matter how much I try to change it. Everyday, I get scared of tomorrow. Will I be alone tomorrow again? I can't help but keep thinking that. I'm a Christian and last year, was the closest I've ever been with God but I don't know when our connection started to fade. He isn't with me anymore and I need him now, more than anything. I know I don't go to church and all but it's because I get so scared that once I go, I'll also see my 'friends' from my elementary and they would act as if they don't know me. When I start to think and get depressed, my body would turn cold. It feels as if it's shutting down. What I'm most afraid of is that my existence is invisible to others and forgotten. It's almost my b-day and I'm so scared that everyone will forget it. I've always dreaded when my b-day came because I knew no one cared. No one buys me gifts and all that. No one cares about me. They don't need me even if I wouldn't be able to live without them in my life. They'd live like they do everyday. I know that because I'm the one with the problem. I don't know why it's so hard for me to open up. It's like I'm way beyond cure. Like, I have FB, yeah because I used to like actually hang out with people so I got it. I hid my b-day info because I'm scared no one would say happy b-day to me. But today, I guess I was afraid people would forget my birthday so I changed it back and let it show. I'm so scared everyday that I can't talk anymore even when I can. I get scared to talk and no one would reply. I wouldn't even go on msn, scared no one would talk to me. I would throw my cell off somewhere because I was afraid that I'd constantly check it, hoping someone would contact me. My 'friend' called me anti-social, I know that I am. I used to believe that I was shy but that wasn't. I'm anti-social. Last week, someone asked me if they wanted to make a Christmas tree with her at her house. I told her I couldn't go because I was busy. I can't stand living like this everyday. In constant pain and fear that I'm scared I'd snap and break down and I couldn't even show it and no one would know to care.
I'm sorry this was long...

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40384
   Posted 11/24/2009 9:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi D_H,
I guess that the best way to put this is that if you are antisocial, you can't expect others to be social with you.  They probably get the feeling that you don't want them around.  Like the girl that wanted to have you come over, she probably wont ask you again, because you said that you were busy.  And I have the feeling that you really did want to go.  It sounds like you are shy to me. 
Try not to worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will work itself out.  You will come out further ahead taking life one day at a time.  You want to keep your mind focused on the now.   What is going on around you at that very minute.  So, live in the now.  Not the future or the past. 
Try not to assume what other people are thinking about you.  And to be honest, it doesn't really matter what others think.  I know that you prefer to be liked, we all do.  We all want others to like us.  That is only human.  But you could be so very wrong when you assume things.
You will work this out in time.  It takes practice, especially living in the moment.  But you can do this. 
I hope that you feel better soon.  take care.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18548
   Posted 11/25/2009 4:15 AM (GMT -6)   
hey D-H,
life itself is a tough business. yeah-sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. karen makes a lot of sense, and i agree with her, you are you, and a human being of this world as well. you have gifts and talents unique only to you, some of which are brewing in you. therapy is a good option, and a good start is your school counsellor. a lot of young people go through the same and or similar experiences, the problem is that a lot do not speak about it. so to you, well done with posting. keep being courages and seek some professional support. we care and are here for you. jamie.

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