Having a bad day, very sad

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 11/27/2009 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I am having a very bad day today. I don't know why. Maybe it is post holiday blues. I usually don't get them until after Xmas. But I am so sad today and I just can't pinpoint the problem. Usually after Thanksgiving we get out the holiday decorations and I start and decorate the house to the nines. I can't do all that his year since I have no strength. I think all I can do with help is get the tree up and decorate the mantle and put a few candles and Santas around. It makes me feel very bad. I will try. Yesterday my sons cooked the turkey dinner and it was great but I did have to help a bit and it absolutely exhausted me. Also my washing machine is kaput, no chance of repair so now I am faced with that big expense. I just think life is giving me too much to handle and it is making me very depressed. Its not even as if I can go for a walk or a movie or just get out because I need to rest and recuperate. It is an effort to get dressed. It is sunny here but even that is not lifting my spirits. I'm just so sad and crying.
 
cry  
 
Aurora

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/27/2009 12:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,
 
I am so sorry that you are feeling blue today.  I know it is hard when we can't do the things that we wish that we could.  But if you can just get your tree up and get a couple of things decorated, that should be enough to get you in the holiday spirit.  Though I know that you are recooperating and that makes it difficult.  But just hang in there, maybe  your sons could do some decorating for you.  I know that you hate to ask and all, but maybe just this time you could.  And jsut let them do their thing when they decorate, you can always move things gradually to get it the way that you like it.  Assuming that they will decorate for you.  And if not, like you said, jsut put a littl bit out.  Decorating the mantle and the tree will look nice.  We don't have room for a tree.  Our house is very small. 
 
I know how it feels to be sad right now.  We just had to have our geman sheperd put down on Wednesday morning.  That is sure tough, but she was getting old and took a turn for the worst.  The vet said that she was shutting down and we did the best thing that we could for her so that she wouldn't have to suffer.  But it just tears my heart open to think of it.  I really miss her.  There is such a void there.  But each day is getting a little easier.  So that is good.
 
The sun is shining through the window, and in my eyes, boy it is nice to see that.  It has been so damp and dreary here today.  I ache so bad from  the damp and cold weather.  I turned my face towards the sun and shut my eyes, that felt so good.  I can't believe it is the 27th of November and still no snow. I might jinx it, so I wont say anymore. 
 
I hope that you feel better Aurora, don't expect too much out of yourself at this time.  You might feel good enough to gradually get things decorated.  Give yourself a break.  Know that we all are thinking about you and want you to rest.  Doctor's orders, Forum member's orders.  lol...
 
Come here when you need to.  It always feels better to talk things out.  Like I say, take it easy, don't try to do too much at once.  And give yourself permission to not decorate if you can't. 
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 11/29/2009 7:10 AM (GMT -7)   
my compassion to you aurora. yeah, darn hard when you have no energy.
 
dear karen,
 
my heart goes out 2 u for your mate passing. many healings to you and to your 4 legged mate. may she be at peace, and may she forever wag her tail. my compassion to you. jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/29/2009 10:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Jamie,

Thank you so much. I am still sad, but it is lessening. I know that she is at peace and that she didn't suffer. That is the main thing I guess. It was a hard loss to me, but am getting better with it. Didn't want to be selfish and keep her living longer than she should, she may have suffered that way. She was a good pet.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 11/29/2009 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Karen & Jamiee, thank you for your replies. I still feel really down. Karen, I am so sorry to hear about your beloved pet.  I know the heartache that goes with losing a wonderful member of your family. I was in the same position last year so I know it takes time to adjust but soon you will be left with your memories of the good tiimes.
Yestereday my son took me to get a new washing machine since our old one just gave out and wasn't worth the cost of repair. There was a wonderful one on sale, really good sale price, so I got it and it does have the bells and whistles even though I was looking for basic but this was less than the basics, so I am happy for that.  Also they gave me a $50 gift card for their time shop which is a section of the store with all kinds of watches, luggage, wallets etc. I found a beautiful watch and decided that since I have been through so much with this surgery and set backs that I would get that watch for myself. I almost always use my gift cards for others but decided that I was worth it this time.  I think the reason I am feeling sad is because the enormity of what I have been through these past 4 months has just hit me. I saw my lung specialist last week and told him about my illness and surgery and he was astounded at all I had been through. He said the surgery was really rough and was glad to see me recovering so well. I am still so limited in what I can do. I still cannot drive even though I have been cleared but I have no confidence to get behind the wheel. Also, the short time I was out yesterday just exhausted me. When I do go out I can only go for a short time and have to come home and rest. I guess that is what gets me down that I can't just go out and do what I used to. I know it takes time to heal and I am doing my best, I guess I just must come to terms with all of this. I will have to take each day as it comes and hope I can find something to occupy my mind so I am not down all the time. Thank you again, Karen and Jamiee. I would really love to hear from anyone else. Please write!
 
Hugs,
Aurora
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 11/29/2009 9:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora:  I am so sorry that I wasn't one of the first and that I haven't replied until now.  The day after Thanksgiving when I got home from my parents house (and my children were away w/their dad) I literally went into hermit status for the day.  I crawled into bed and except for the bathroom stayed in it until the next morning.  I guess I had my own kind of blues and just needed to work through it. ..And then my kids came home and I have been on the go since. 
 
Holidays can be tough for a lot of people, but it sounds like Karen was right in her response.  You have been through so much in the past six months.  You have either been sick back-to-back or have been having surgery.  I have read somewhere that it is very common for patients to become depressed after illness and particularly after surgery.  That coupled with the fact that you have not been able to be independent must be the primary factors behind your blues right now.  I truly wish that I was only a few hours away from you, because I would definately come over and help you get your Christmas items out and decorate under your direction. 
 
I have been so proud of you because you have been so strong through all of this.  I can't imagine how frustrated you must be from feeling sick right now, but please keep trying to get enough rest and give yourself a lot of credit for how far you have come.  Maybe if you started making some plans for a few months from now to give yourself something to look forward to, that might help a little too.
 
I will be at work tomorrow (I found a temporary job) and I will not be back home until after 6:45 tomorrow night as I will be turning into a taxi driver for my children around 5:00 pm.  I'll try coming on and seeing if you have posted back. 
 
Love,
Cass
 
P.S.: Just a thought, would it be possible for you to write out your Christmas cards now and get them out of the way a little early?  It would give you something to do that would be X-Mas related!
 
P.P.S:  Karen, if you are reading this I am so sorry to hear about your dog.  I know from my own experience that they are like our own babies and best friend at the same time.  It can really be difficult to get over their absence.  Also, my thoughts are for your surviving dog as well.  He/she must feel so alone right now.
 
 

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 11/30/2009 1:55 AM (GMT -7)   
aurora. keep strong and well. always around my friend. jamie smurf
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/30/2009 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi aurora,

I have also sent out Christmas cards already. It is such a relief. Maybe you can do a few at a time until you get them done. And you know there are always new ones to answer. I always miss somebody. lol... I got one yesterday that I didn't expect to get.

Cass,

Thanks for your condolences. I am still sad over the loss of Dharma, but Chance is so affectionate. I think she is actually happy to get all of the attention. So I am doing better. Want another german shepherd though.

Jamie,

You are such a sweetheart. Keep it up. We all love hearing from you. Hope that you are feeling better.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 11/30/2009 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cass, I was so glad to hear from you. Don't feel bad about not replying right away. I understand that you had plans and weren't home.  I think I am starting to come around and the sadness is starting to lift.  It was hard right after Thanksgiving because I have been so used to getting out all the decorations and the tree and doing the works. Well, as it turned out my sons got all the boxes out of the basement and I did quite a bit. I surprised myself. We got the tree up but I have yet to put on any ornaments. I got an artificial tree a few years ago but it is really nice and unless you are up close you can't tell it's not real. It also has all the lights on so just snap it together and it is up. I think one of my reasons for the sadness was I am starting to realize just how much I have been through. My illness started Aug. 7 and had to be in the hospital and then at home resting and quiet until my surgery. The surgery was really traumatic for me. So painful. I have been so weak and had 2 set backs but am now doing so much better. I actually drove today, just to the bank and post office but it was great to be able to feel free to go out and do something. Holidays are just really hard for me so I will try to make plans to have things to do this season without getting overwhelmed or too stressed. I am glad to hear you found a part time job. I hope your Thanksgiving was good and that you had an enjoyable visit with your family. Thanks again for caring and we'll keep in touch.
 
Many hugs,
 
Aurora

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 11/30/2009 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,
 
It is so wonderful to hear about all that you have accomplished.  I bet it felt good to get the tree up and the decorations out. 
 
And the fact that you drove today, well to me, that is huge!  I am so glad to hear such wonderful news. 
 
I know it is slow going after surgery, but you must be so proud of yourself for all of the things that you have been doing. 
 
Be patient, even if you are only getting stages of the decorating done, you are doing great!  Thank you for sharing with us.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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