Bad news: I was so low this morning I actually took the first Prozac capsule. I have had the Rx for months, sitting in the cabinet ... hoping I wouldn't need it. A little MORE bad news ... my daughter's bunny died this morning. (when it rains it pours, huh?)
Good news: I actually had a better day. I know it's too early to be the meds helping .. the doc said it would take a couple of weeks for it to really work. I think that taking the first steps toward taking care of myself were as powerful as the prozac today. I got up, got dressed, got out of the house, got groceries, and managed to come home and put them away. Very productive for me ... and I'm gonna celebrate every tiny little victory.
I am so determined to not go back into the pit ... I just can't. Not again. I worry that if I go back, I might not be able to pull all the way out again. It's such a hard pull once I get too low! I have 3 kids that need me to FUNCTION ... and I have a new job ... and we NEED the income ... I'm worried we may lose our farm if we don't get some money!
Icky: My belly feels miserable. One of my triggers for panic attacks is ... you guessed it ... throwing up. Who in the WORLD besides me is phobic about barfing? I feel ridiculous about it .. but it is what it is. The fact that I watched a screaming toddler spew what used to be fruit loops all over the grocery cart in front of me in town today didn't help. So ... not sure if I'm panicked, dealing with the chili we had for supper (I actually COOKED today!) wondering if I'm maybe getting the flu that's going around, adjusting to Prozac, or any combination of the four. Either way .. I feel pretty icky. And I REALLY want to go to bed. ( But, um, it's only 8:15PM here ... )
Of course, I have been looking forward to going to church all week ... but my husband has a cold, my son's GF has H1N1, my other son hates anything spiritual, my daughter says her throat hurts too bad to eat (so she had oatmeal for supper), and I have this icky feeling in my belly. DARN! Maybe we'll be fit for public in the morning.