advice needed!

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lovers spit
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 11/29/2009 3:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I met my biological cousin two days ago.  Things went well.. i mean.. as well as they could i suppose.. I'm 17 and shes 20 so we get along okay.  It's just so odd to me. I don't know how to handle this all! I feel like I just need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be okay but nobody can do that.  I mean my sister (adoptive) tells me things will be okay but shes not an affectionate person so it's just so awkward.... ugh i dont know. I was watching Locater or w/e last night.  The show where the guy finds your biological family and stuff and when I was taking a shower this morning I literally broke down and I couldn't stop crying and just asking God why my dad (biological) couldn't have done something? I don't have a good relationship with my adoptive dad either.  He has brain damage and he's very childish and always asking for sympathy.  I can't stand this anymore.  I wish I could swap lives with someone, I know, I can't.  Can't fix it.  But I just need advice on how to cope... or an adult maybe, that can tell me I'm okay.
 
lover's spit
(HILLARY)

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 11/30/2009 1:45 AM (GMT -7)   
hi hillary, you are in a tough spot. since it is early in the relationship things will be a tad awkward for awhile, this happens alot. my suggestion is to take things slow and allow for things to happen naturally. keep strong. we care. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 11/30/2009 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Hillary,

I understand how you feel. I met my biological sister for the first time when I was 30. Talk about awkward. We don't have a lot in common. But we do talk over the phone with the usual "I love You" ending. But it doesn't feel that authentic.

There are many other places to find love. Do you have any pets? They love unconditionally, especially dogs. So that might be a solution for you.

Remember that you are young. There are many experiences that you will have with love as you grow. Boyfriends, regular friends, even people tht you meet on the forum. I have met quite a few and we keep in touch most every day.

Know that we are here to support you and can send virtual (((((HUGS))))). I hope that helps some.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


lovers spit
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 11/30/2009 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both.

My cousin was very nice and very talkative.. just for me it was alot, you know? But I'm trying to look at the bright side of things.. like I have two families! which is weird but cool in some ways...

It just really freaked me out because my cousin picked me up and she introduced me to her dad and he remembered me from when i was six (that's when I was adopted). He hugged me and said I looked the same. I felt so awkward because I don't remember him at all.. I hardly remember my cousin..

The CRAZIEST part of meeting my cousin was on the way home from her dad's house my biological mom called my cousin (it's her aunt..) because they were meeting up the next day!!!!!!! I started SOBBING.... I heard my biological mother's voice a little through the phone.. it was sooooooooooo wierd.. now i just really want to meet her!!

But my cousin and I agreed that she wouldn't tell my Bio mother or grandparents that she has meet me because I want to wait to meet everyone else... I want to wait until i know I'm ready.....

I hope that my bio mother and bio grandma/grandpa won't be angry with me that I met my cousin first.. I just felt that we would get along because we're so close in age and everything.

THIS IS SO HARD.

I'm glad I have my adoptive family though... I'm getting along with my sister a little better.. and my friends have been really supportive and they listen to me.. so that's good.

It's been hard staying clean and sober though.. :/

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 11/30/2009 4:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that it is cool that you are meeting your biological family. And yes, you have two families, or one huge one. That is awesome. I have gone through meeting my dad's side of the family, it was strange, but cool. I never knew my dad, so it was like learning about a part of me that I didn't know. Take your time and take it as it comes. You will know when you are ready.

Congrats on staying clean and sober, I know it is hard, but you can do it. You will be so glad that you have. Each day will get a little easier, you might run into some temptation, but take that as it comes too. Try not to worry about it.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


lovers spit
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 11/30/2009 6:07 PM (GMT -7)   
It's just very weird because being adopted, for me at least, is so hard. I feel like I'm so different from my adoptive family... I'm very affectionate, sarcastic, artisitc... whereas my adoptive family are NONE of those.. and I know that it doesn't matter but I just feel so different you know? My cousin was telling me that my bio mother is artistic so that was cool I guess.

And yeah it's not too bad I guess. The hardest part is not smoking. So many of my friends do and although I'm 99% sure I experienced a drug induced pychosis twice, everytime my friends ask me to do it or whatever I feel like I really want to because when it made me feel good- none of my worries mattered. It's just so hard to face them


lover's spit
HILLARY

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/30/2009 6:28:59 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 11/30/2009 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Hillary,
 
I am sorry for the edit but I had to remove a word from your post.  I am sorry that we can't discuss illegal drugs on the forum.  But if you have a need to and would like to discuss them, email me.  I will be more than happy to talk to you about it. 
 
I think you should try to relax with meeting your new family.  I am into art too and I think that it is cool that both you and your mom are artists.  Artists are very special and have a unique way of looking at the world. 
 
I can't express enough how cool it is to go with what you are going through.  I know that you feel differences with your adopted family.  And you will most likely find a lot of similarities with your bio family.  This is truly a unique experience that not a lot of people go through.  This is yours and it is special.  Take it as it comes, it will all workout for the good on both sides.  That is okay. 
 
My email address is in my profile, so please do email me.  I will make sure to write you back.  I have a couple of days off of work so I will have time.  That is if you feel comfortable with it.  If not, I understand.  I know that you have questions that can't be discussed on the forum. 
 
For now, I recommend taking one day at a time.  Go with your heart.  You will know what to do when the time is right.  And keep posting, we are here for you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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