depression / no where to turn

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traffic
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/1/2009 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   
this may just be a frustrated rant but I feel like I cannot be 100% honest about my situation so I will post it and let the world decide!

I have severe ADHD and it has been unmedicated for the majority of my life. The one time I tried to medicate it on my own, I abused the medication. Ritalin as a kid, but I don't really remember it or for how long.

I am an alcoholic. I am a party animal. I don't care for any one drug specifically but I do like to do them. I do not smoke weed. I did in teens in twentys, but in hind sight, I really believe I was self medicating my ADHD.

I am a sex addict. I love to look at hot young women. I am an internet addict. I am always looking at useless information. I have heard the term "info-tainment" and I definitely fall in that category.

I used to be outgoing, funny, witty, life of the party, and after the real estate market crashed and I lost my financial position. I have turned into this depressed, drunk, no direction, non caring, hopeless, helpless individual. I don't really care what happens to me. I don't care about others. I do, but I don't if that makes sense. It is if all my senses are dulled. I have made many mistakes and it is going to take years for me to recover from my losses if ever. I have a lot of problems and I just ignore them. I don't deal with anything. I have isolated myself. My broadband connection is my best friend. I don't like to leave the house. I am quite content doing nothing. What is wrong with me? what the hell happened? I have ZERO motivation to do anything. My tears are crocodile tears as I am doing all of this to myself. I only make things worse by continuing this cycle of procrastination but I don't know what I need to "jump start" myself- I don't want prescription drugs. I think I just need a good ass-beating or something to shock me back to reality. I am in a cocoon. I know it is unhealthy and unfair to the people around me, but something has changed in me. Whether mentally or physically, something is amiss. I have been ****ed up and isolated for two - three years and have done nothing to resolve my real life issues. this is my rant.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 12/1/2009 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Traffic,
 
Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum.  I have to say that alcohol is a depressant.  If you are drinking on a regular basis, you are going to be depressed.  If you do not want to take medication, the best thing that you could do for yourself and for others is to stop drinking.  If you don't stop drinking, expect to be depressed. 
 
Abusing drugs isn't going to help you either.  You are going to go from highs to lows.  And when the drugs wear off, there you sit.  Depressed.  Especially narcotics. 
 
If I were you, I would see a doctor and access the situation.  You obviously want help, or you wouldn't be here. 
 
best wishes to you.  I hope that you feel better soon.  But you are right, you are doing this to yourself by alcohol and drug use.  And there could be an underlying depression  that needs to be treated. 
 
Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 12/1/2009 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Traffic,
Please talk to your doctor about getting a referral to an Addictions Specialist (also called Addictionologists). I really think that would be your best start, but in addition you might look into finding a local AA group. Here's their website:

www.aa.org/lang/en/meeting_finder.cfm?origpage=29

Since you're trying to get off the internet, I won't keep posting to you (I don't have any other advice anyways). There truly is no substitute for real, live, healthy relationships. There are so many wonderful people in the world. When you are ready I'm sure you'll make the right choice.

take care,
frances
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