Hey... I have a problem... a big one

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CharliesGirl
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/3/2009 11:11 AM (GMT -7)   
It's hard to say this, but I've been self abusing since I was 6, I'm 18 now. and for over a year I was repeatedly beaten and sexually abused. I forced myself to forget these things when I moved, and just recently started remembering everything. I had been doing better with my depression, until now. I was raped with a candle, was forcibly raped by my best friend who was under someone else's control... and I just can;t handle it. I need advice as to what to do with these memories. please.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18775
   Posted 12/3/2009 12:23 PM (GMT -7)   
charlies girl, i too am a survivor. i am male and i too was young. my advise would be to talk with your doc and seek a referal to a sexual abuse professional. these people are very understanding, patient and really help. please remember that what has happened is not your fault, and never will be!
my compassion to you. jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


CharliesGirl
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/3/2009 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I can't afford a doctor... and If I wanted to see one my parent's would have to pay, and they'd want to know.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18775
   Posted 12/3/2009 1:01 PM (GMT -7)   
okay then i would suggest a relevant help-line in your area, and or if there is services through your local hospital. i am sure if you call a help -line service in your area i am sure that services would be made available to you either at no or very low cost. in australia i had 12 sessions that were at no cost, thus check it out. i think this very important. i wish you well, and i admire your courage in seeking assistance. with compassion, jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


CharliesGirl
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/3/2009 10:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, I will look into that. I had no idea people did that. Hope to talk to you in the future.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 12/3/2009 10:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Charliesgirl,

It sounds like you are going through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This like repressed memories. I really suggest that you get in to see a counselor or doctor and get some help with this. But remember your mind will only let you remember as much as you can mentally and emotionally at that time. But it can get scarey.

You are not to blame, even if your parents do find out. You were to afraid to tell them about it, but it is something that happened that you really need to deal with.

Just remember, this was not your fault.

Keep posting.

Hugs, karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18775
   Posted 12/4/2009 1:34 AM (GMT -7)   
here for you charlie. keep being strong. jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


CharliesGirl
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/4/2009 8:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks a lot for the responses and advice.
Shuvvykins- I'm really sorry to hear you went through it too. It's evil. I was abused when I was seven by my day care provider's daughter, who was 14 and she often times would "do two at a time" making us watch eachother and stuff. Part of her evil was making us hurt each other otherwise she would beat us.... it was hard adn I never told anyone because my best friend was stuck with me in it and she tried adn no ne believed her, she was ten.... I figured who would believe a seven year old right? So far I've been through depression, four sucide attempts, self injury, and binge eating disorder. I was starting to get better with everything else when it started to come back.... it was eleven years after and they just come in my sleep, when I zone out, if something seems familiar it can trigger one.... I'm scared to do anything because it might bring out more memories and I can't even handle the ones I already have. I apreciate your concern adn advice, but once again i can't get to a doctor. I live in an upscale communtity where nothing is free or charity.

getting by- I'm not sure what PTSD really is, but I guess it might make sense.... what do people tend to do for it?

Jamiee- thanks for being there :D

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 12/4/2009 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   
PSTD is like you are describing.  Repressed memories that come back to you.  Just remember one thing.  Your mind will protect you.  The mind is powerful and will only reveal things to you as you are able to handle them.  That is why it seems like when things are going good, the memories come back.  It is because you are relaxed and getting stronger. 
 
There is a book called repressed memories and one called the sexual healing journey.  They are both good books to help you.  Try to see a counselor.  They will guide you through this.  You need that right now.  As everything seems to be flooding.  But like I said...  Your mind will protect you.  It will never give you more than you can handle at the time. 
 
I hope that this helps some.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


CharliesGirl
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/4/2009 12:10 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks! I'll definitely look into those books
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