i really need help.
i don't know what else to do so i guess i'll post my whole story on here. hopefully that will get me some help
over a year ago i met and started texting with this guy that i eventually started to like a lot. when he said he didn't want to be with me i made some really poor decisions and ended up doing things that i regret. i thought that these would make him feel guilty or at least get his attention.
as you can imagine none of my one night stands amounted to anything but hurt. so i sought comfort from this guy. well, we started secretly dating because there is an age difference of 11 years between us. it was really difficult for me to open up to this guy because i didn't know his intentions and i've had a history of people around me leaving. but i opened up to him anyways. we were soooo happy together but he couldnt commit to me because he felt like he couldn't tell his family or friends about me. well about a month ago i got really upset at how much he was talking to other friends that happened to be girls and wanted to end things then and there. it took him a day or so but one night he called me and told me he was trying to tell his family about me and would stop talking to his girl friends so much. our next date was perfect. i felt so comfortable with him and like nothing could hurt our relationship. for once in my life i had stability.
fast forward to wednesday. my mom was at lunch with a family friend whose daughter introduced me to him. this friend proceeded to tell my mom horrible, and untrue things about him (it was mostly a misunderstanding which has been corrected now) as you probably know, my mother came home and freaked out on me. i know she was trying to protect me but this guy had nothing but the best intentions with me and it was a sincere and honest relationship. i talked to my boy and told him what was going on. he said we could just wait a few months until i am 18 and then start talking again and slowly have things develop from there if we so desired. he also promised nothing could make him like me less and that he wouldn't start talking to other girls in a way that would threaten our relationship in the future.
so then i got a call from him today. he was crying and told me that he prayed all night about things with me. he told me he resents himself because by being with me he's making me miss out on my life (something i don't understand as i'm not into partying, smoking, drinking and hooking up with random people). he also said that when he signed the form for his missions trip in march he agreed to not having any immoral relationships. and that when he's on this trip he'll be teaching kids who are only a bit younger than i am. he said he can't meet with me and refuses to answer my calls or texts now. i don't feel like i got any closure from it and it was all so sudden i barely have had time to absorb and think about things.
i know that the age difference seems bad and makes him look like a bad person but i really hope that anyone who reads this can see past it and give me honest advice on how to cope. i'm in a flurry of emotions including a relapse of my depression.
overall i am unhappy living where i am now and feel so alone.
i'm scared to go to a counselor because i don't want them to tell me that our relationship was nothing or that he was just trying to use me.
i don't want to tell my mother (i can't talk with my father at all) because this is what she wanted to happen...